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opinions needed

split_second
Posts: 2,761 Forumite
hi all, hope I can trouble you for your opinions on my situation.
I have been engaged for just over 2 years, wedding date was set pretty much straight away, we thought about getting married abroad, decided against that as wanted the family to be there, thought about getting married on a friday (our 4 year anniversary) which we decided against because of no shows because they wouldnt take their kids out of school etc.
Both of us dont have huge families, in total I have about 10 in laws (and thats with 3 sister in laws and 2 nephews) my family is a bit bigger, about 30 of us in total between both parents sides of family, cousins, cousin's kids etc. I was looking forward to seeing my mum's side of the family especially as no-one lives close anymore, my uncles (mum's older brothers) live about an hours drive away and my aunty (mum's younger sister) lives abroad and has done for about 30 years, in my whole life I have only seen her, my uncle and my 2 cousins a handful of times, which is a shame as we are all very alike (we are all like my grandad, he unfortunatly passed away in the 70s so none of us got to meet him)
My family abroad were all really enthusiastic about the wedding, especially my aunty as she would get to see everyone again for the first time in about 10 years, and so was the older of my 2 cousins, I havent seen him for about 15 years, when we announced the wedding he asked if him and his partner were invited and I said of course they were.
Last night I got a text off my mum to say my cousin was getting married :j but it would be in june, right before our wedding
I was gutted about this, I have wanted to go over and see my family abroad with all the rest of the family for years and thought one year we should organise it, when I got engaged I thought 'fair enough, we can all get together over here' especially as everytime I put something on facebook about the wedding my family abroad would always be commenting that they were looking forward to it etc.
I asked my mum if she was going abroad to the wedding, she said she wasnt (already booked a holiday that clashes with it, cousin got engaged a month ago, holiday booked months before) and it turns out there have been quite a few crossed words between my mum and aunty.
I say a few crossed words, my mum described it as that, she often plays things down so as not to worry or upset anyone, quite majorly a lot of the time, so i knew it was much worse than that.
I managed tonight to find out whats gone on, my mum has said she cant make it over because of her holiday, we cant go because we cant have more time off work and couldnt afford to go even if we could get time off, my aunty has apparently gone off on one at my mum and threatened not to come to our wedding :eek:
my mum seems to think my aunty has gone off on one and that the date will probably get changed etc, I have no idea what to think (apart from eloping lol)
any ideas?
I have been engaged for just over 2 years, wedding date was set pretty much straight away, we thought about getting married abroad, decided against that as wanted the family to be there, thought about getting married on a friday (our 4 year anniversary) which we decided against because of no shows because they wouldnt take their kids out of school etc.
Both of us dont have huge families, in total I have about 10 in laws (and thats with 3 sister in laws and 2 nephews) my family is a bit bigger, about 30 of us in total between both parents sides of family, cousins, cousin's kids etc. I was looking forward to seeing my mum's side of the family especially as no-one lives close anymore, my uncles (mum's older brothers) live about an hours drive away and my aunty (mum's younger sister) lives abroad and has done for about 30 years, in my whole life I have only seen her, my uncle and my 2 cousins a handful of times, which is a shame as we are all very alike (we are all like my grandad, he unfortunatly passed away in the 70s so none of us got to meet him)
My family abroad were all really enthusiastic about the wedding, especially my aunty as she would get to see everyone again for the first time in about 10 years, and so was the older of my 2 cousins, I havent seen him for about 15 years, when we announced the wedding he asked if him and his partner were invited and I said of course they were.
Last night I got a text off my mum to say my cousin was getting married :j but it would be in june, right before our wedding

I was gutted about this, I have wanted to go over and see my family abroad with all the rest of the family for years and thought one year we should organise it, when I got engaged I thought 'fair enough, we can all get together over here' especially as everytime I put something on facebook about the wedding my family abroad would always be commenting that they were looking forward to it etc.
I asked my mum if she was going abroad to the wedding, she said she wasnt (already booked a holiday that clashes with it, cousin got engaged a month ago, holiday booked months before) and it turns out there have been quite a few crossed words between my mum and aunty.
I say a few crossed words, my mum described it as that, she often plays things down so as not to worry or upset anyone, quite majorly a lot of the time, so i knew it was much worse than that.
I managed tonight to find out whats gone on, my mum has said she cant make it over because of her holiday, we cant go because we cant have more time off work and couldnt afford to go even if we could get time off, my aunty has apparently gone off on one at my mum and threatened not to come to our wedding :eek:
my mum seems to think my aunty has gone off on one and that the date will probably get changed etc, I have no idea what to think (apart from eloping lol)
any ideas?

Who remembers when X Factor was just Roman suncream?
0
Comments
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Do what YOU and your betrothed want. Try not to stress about other people going off on one. *hug*
HBS x"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."
"It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."
#Bremainer0 -
It's you and your OH getting marred and making the commitment to spend the rest of YOUR lives together.
I can understand wanting family to be there to celebrate it with you, but ultimately, it should be down to them to make the effort to keep YOU happy, not the other way round. They'll be the ones missing out if they didn't show up, not you.0 -
Are your aunty & cousin going to spend every day of the rest of their lives with you?
No. But your OH will.
You & your OH are the ones who matter.2021 Decluttering Awards: ⭐⭐🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇 2022 Decluttering Awards: 🥇
2023 Decluttering Awards: 🥇 🏅🏅🥇
2024 Decluttering Awards: 🥇⭐0 -
The problem is not about if people will be there or not, its the upset they are causing and a possible family feud.
as it stands my aunty doesn't know we arent coming and when my mum has shown me messages apparently my cousin has a very inflexible attitude and won't listen to anyone, which doesn't sound like something he would do, hr was always the one of all of us that could do no wrong.
Then of course there is the impression they are giving to my oh, upsetting my mum and leaving me feeling like this will start on us as well because we can't make it, hardly a great impression to give about what our family is like
If they change their attitudes then fair enough but I am thinking as it stands its £180 of venue costs savedWho remembers when X Factor was just Roman suncream?0
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