Anyone read the announcement at the top???

yummybutgrumpymummy

This forum is not for judgement!!!

People who have never met me have basically called me... Well whatever!

My debt was accumulated before i was made redundant and yes i prob haven't made the changes i need such as sky partly because of my child who cannot deal with change and partly because its a luxury to me when i have been dealing with life.

As i said if i could walk into a new job that made allowances for my being a carer i would take it and believe me when i say working would keep me sane!!

I logged on here for help not to be abused. I am aware my spending is out of control. 900 on a hol to Butlins... My son cannot go in term time and we have to do the same thing each yr for him... I also pay a single person premium so where do i cut that cost? Xmas... I estimated a cost.

No one is perfect... If we were we wouldn't need this site.

Scritti

Hi yummybutgrumpymummy.

Please go back into your original forum and read my post.

I'd really like you to hang in there with this. It's obvious that you're upset with some of the replies you got but you need to understand that nobody knew about your autistic child and there ARE lots of people who get high levels of benefits who don't deserve it and this upsets the people on this site who work their nuts off for sometimes rubbish pay just the same way as you were upset at their posts.

It's just a communication blip so PLEASE try to get over this and go back to your original thread and stay with this. I promise you that you WILL be better able to cope financially somewhere soon down the line if you take the advice that you're given by many of the people here.

I had exactly the same thoughts as many of the people whose posts have upset you because I did not know about your disabled son. My opinion changed completely when you revealed this and I'm sure that most, if not all of the people who posted about your "high" amount of benefits would feel the same now that you have disclosed why you receive those benefits so please move on and try to get over it.

Incidentally, I think you are underpaid if anything. Looking after a disabled child is exactly why most of us totally support the benefits system and I only wish I could take some of the benefits from the many idle slackers that take money out of the coffers each year. Looking after an autistic child is a full-time (incl. nights & weekends) job and can be emotionally and physically draining and the amount of money given to carers by this government is a disgrace.

It was recently revealed by the government that they estimate something like 400 billion pounds a year is saved because of full-time carers compared with the cost of professional care homes. Obviously, parents SHOULD be looking after their own children but I think some of that money saved should be invested back to carers, both for increased benefits (if required) and, especially, invested in more respite care to give parents a much-needed break.

Again, please hang in there and stay with this site.

loveka

Some practical things you can do.

Get a flask. While you are out and about have that instead of buying a coffee.

Take sandwiches instead of buying them. I get up a bit earlier to make them to take to work, a pain at first but I am used to it now.

Get a home brew kit and make your own wine. Invite your friends over or go over to theirs and take your homemade wine. Make pizzas or a homemade curry and have that instead of going out. Homemade wine costs £1.10 a bottle!

Is Sky really better than all the channels you get on free view? There is loads of choice. If you can't afford it you can"t afford it!

Give up newspapers and magazines. I had to and I now don't miss them at all. I get the Guardian once a week and otherwise read online.

Cook everything from scratch. All meals, bread, biscuits, cakes. Cook in batch- a massive vat of bolognese sauce for example which you then freeze in portions. Use pulses more in cooking - I make a shepherds pie with dried beans and lentils which costs about £3 for 6 portions.

We didn't have Christmas last year- we explained to family that we just couldn't afford to buy presents. Get some cheap presents for your children and look for cheap recipe ideas -last year Delia did a very cheap Christmas dinner menu. We were lucky and got invited out!

I now buy most things from Wait rose essentials range- in some cases half the price of branded things. I order online to keep a hold of the cost.

I am sorry you felt attacked. I think many people were shocked at the level of benefits people can get and, really honestly and not meant harshly just factually, on what you are spending it on when you have debts! If you don't rein in your spending the debts will only get worse. If you make some changes now you can get debt free quite quickly. Ask yourself- should you be spending so much on coffee and sandwiches when you have arrears on your electricity bill? Good luck.

bargainbetty

Some people attacked the benefits. Others offered constructive advice. You have addressed very little of that.

For the third time, you don't require a holiday as an essential. You can't afford one. Your son requires constancy, I understand that. However, a week or two at Butlins is not a required constant. It is a luxury. This is not judgement. This is fact.

You have ignored or refused the advice offered. I'm sorry you feel attacked, but as I noted on your other thread, warm and fuzzy won't do the job. I'll not trouble you again, not because you feel aggrieved, but because you have not taken the time to thank those people who have tried to offer useful suggestions and have instead focused on the messages you do not care for.

All the best
BB

soontobemrsg

bargainbetty wrote: »

Some people attacked the benefits. Others offered constructive advice. You have addressed very little of that.

For the third time, you don't require a holiday as an essential. You can't afford one. Your son requires constancy, I understand that. However, a week or two at Butlins is not a required constant. It is a luxury. This is not judgement. This is fact.

You have ignored or refused the advice offered. I'm sorry you feel attacked, but as I noted on your other thread, warm and fuzzy won't do the job. I'll not trouble you again, not because you feel aggrieved, but because you have not taken the time to thank those people who have tried to offer useful suggestions and have instead focused on the messages you do not care for.

All the best
BB

I couldn't agree more. This thread actually really got me all narked as the OP clearly hasn't read any of the constructive criticism within her other thread.

OP your SOA clearly shows you are enjoying many of the luxuries people with a full time job can't afford so you must understand that comments will be harsh when you 'earn' more in benefits. I work part time due to having a disabled daughter so understand the demands your disabled child can bring and the need for having a break (nights out etc) away.

There are so many suggestions within the thread that you really do need to take note of.

AS you have said you have started keeping a spending diary you will have noticed that you waste a lot of money on newspapers and magazines - all available for free either online or at your library.

Coffee's and sandwiches - are these really necessary? If this is with your child and other parents why not suggest a picnic in the park instead of a coffee shop?

Just a few ideas but there are many many more within your original thread.

shinner

Hi I posted on your original post. I have just looked and realised I never commented on Hol have you contacted Family fund it is means tested but is meant to help children and families who need extra support. Do you get any other respite there is people who can help you get some.:):)

tallyhoh

As with all forums you need to consider all suggestions & ignore anything you feel is not worthwhile or just plain criticism.

dancingfairy

I hope you aren't put off. As has been said, take the advice you find useful and ignore the stuff which isn't helpful.

You may also find help on your situation on the moneyandfamily board (A few posters on there have disabled children and know more about claiming the relevant benefits/getting statements/dla etc etc), or the benefits board.

Ignoring some of the more negative comments you have had some helpful comments and hopefully it has made you reconsider your spending so you can decide which areas you can cut back in (and which are important to you and your family).

Best of Luck
df

Newgirl_2

I agree with Tally and Dancing. Take the useful information you've been given and go from there.

Incidentally, some people have given you sound suggestions and I think most commenters are coming from the same place. Anyone who has beaten debt, particularly anyone who's had to do an SOA or been on a DMP, will have had to work to a very tight budget with (probably) less available income than you were demonstrating. People who've done this know that the first things to get rid of are non-essentials - entertainment, socialising, holidays, new clothes etc.

Only you can decide which you can lose and which you can't but I know from experience, it's much harder when you HAVE to do it. At this point, you have an element of choice.

Speaking only for myself, I would have given you exactly the same advice if your income were earnings from employment. It makes not a blind bit of difference to me. Money going out must equal/be less than money coming in.

My advice is to roll with the punches and use the advice that works for you. Realise that not everyone holds the same opinion on here and there will always be people who challenge - some do this constructively, some rudely.

I find that most online forums are mini samples of real life and it takes all sorts

Good luck

Newgirl :beer:

dinky201

well said grumpymummy