Friends and BR

betterlatethannever

Does anyone else have this problem?
Friends that just don't seem to understand/can't sope with your money probs.
My two bestest friends just don't seem to have a clue about what i'm going through at all, yet in the past they have been such fantastic friends.
Its so hard, i need them more than ever at the moment, yet they seem distant. They even do dumb things such as call and say ' hey fancy a night out' (ohh yeah i just won't eat this week so i can have a good night out with you on Saturday) I'm sure they mean well but.......
Ohh i dunno, maybe its me

tigerfeet2006

Sorry to hear about your friends. You know you have a lot of support here. They probably just don't think when they ask you out, it is probably just an automatic reaction. You don't know if they have money problems themselves and are living before their means ans are jealous of you sorting yourself out.

betterlatethannever

what a lovely and well thought out reply tiger. thanks

tigerfeet2006

Aw! shucks thanks:embarasse

OMG! Just noticed all the typos :embarasse :embarasse

wherediditallgo

Also, they're your friends & may feel bad about NOT inviting you, so would sooner have you say you can't come than not invite you & risk upsetting you. Whichever way friends play it, I think sometimes they're going to get it wrong from our point of view. We're seeing the invite as rubbing salt in the wound or not thinking about how we're supposed to afford it, they're thinking that we're a friend & they don't want us to think they're excluding us. Before I went BR & for a bit afterwards, I was super-sensitive where money was concerned, & looking back I do think I sometimes saw insensitivity where there wasn't any offence intended or even particular thoughtlessness.

If it really gets to you, perhaps it's worth having a chat with them & explaining that you can only afford to go out X number of times a month, & also trying to find something you can do together that's cheaper eg dvd nights, meals round at each other's homes. As you say, they're your best friends, so I think that a bit of understanding of the other's point of view is called for on both sides.

tigerfeet2006

wherediditallgo wrote: »

Also, they're your friends & may feel bad about NOT inviting you, so would sooner have you say you can't come than not invite you & risk upsetting you. Whichever way friends play it, I think sometimes they're going to get it wrong from our point of view. We're seeing the invite as rubbing salt in the wound or not thinking about how we're supposed to afford it, they're thinking that we're a friend & they don't want us to think they're excluding us. Before I went BR & for a bit afterwards, I was super-sensitive where money was concerned, & I do think I sometimes saw insensitivity where there wasn't any offence caused.

If it really gets to you, perhaps it's worth having a chat with them & explaining that you can only afford to go out X number of times a month, & also trying to find something you can do together that's cheaper eg dvd nights, meals round at each other's homes. As you say, they're your best friends, so I think that a bit of understanding of the other's point of view is called for on both sides.

Now that is a careful and well thought out reply. Put so much better than I ever could.

betterlatethannever

Both good replies.
Your right i am very sensitive at the mo. They've always been such ace friends and i guess there struggling to understand what i'm going through, as i would if tables were turned.
Ok, new me. i promise not to be so sensitive ..ummmmm, ok i will try not to be too sensitive.
Thanks guys.

wherediditallgo

That's the spirit. The capacity for misunderstanding that you've illustrated is also shown when people have a bereavement. Sometimes people avoid the bereaved person because they don't know what to say & don't want to upset them, but sometimes the bereaved person takes that as them not caring, whereas the opposite is true.

tigerfeet2006

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap.

Maybe stock up on some extra bubble wrap!!! LOL!!

Do love your siggy btw.