Friends and Family reactions to wedding.

FBaby

Have you find that organising your wedding has made you learn more about your friends and family?

I have been surprised, mainly all in a very positive way, at people's response to our wedding, which has been very touching. Some people have gone out of their way to be there with us, prepared to spend quite a lot of money to come from abroad, and/or stay at the hotel overnight. A number of them prepared to make arrangements to be there without their children, despite it being a full day event. Family not getting in the way of arrangement despite a natural itch to do so . More amazingly is that my OH and I have agreed on everything to do with the planning without even much compromising required! We are both very stubborn with different views about things, which means that in the past, we have had to engage in seriously compromising discussions. We were both prepared for it when it came to the wedding, but somehow, none have been required, it's been a piece of cake and has made us even closer (if that was even possible!)

On the not so good side, I had one very close friend who decided she and husband wouldn't come, announcing it in a very 'never mind' way with a reason that seemed nothing compared to what other not so close friends have overcome. A number of people (more on my OH side) who a week before D-Day have not even bothered to confirm if they were coming to the evening do or not!

One more week to go and I feel that I see some of my friends and family in a different light, so grateful for their excitement and support with it all. I can't wait for sharing my special day with them and I expect it will bring me even closer to them after the event.

Have you also felt that your wedding has/is changing the way you consider you friends and family to some extent?

Faith177

I had this with mine my best friend travelled all the way from Canada for my wedding. I've only know him 5 years we met on the Internet and reality we have only spent 4 weeks in each others company.

My OH's side of the family just couldn't be bother one bit the only family OH had there was his mum and brothers.

We had some of the worst excuses ever including one set of aunt and uncle who would come because we were having a religiost ceremony (we had a humanist one instead)

We are now no longer tending family ceremonies on his side because I felt so hurt by their actions. We have pretty much severed all ties with that side

Bella73

Yep I no longer speak to my parents they definitely showed their true colours. (We paid for our wedding ourselves before those that come along spouting about what my parents must have put into the wedding...all they had to do was turn up and be civilised for one day...not too much to ask I don't think).

Not very nice the way you have decided that your friends "excuse" isn't good enough there are lots of reasons why people don't go to weddings. We were unable to go a friends wedding as we couldn't afford it, they are no longer in contact with us at all, nice after 35 years of friendship but we genuinely could not afford to attend so lost a friend over that one so don't be too quick to judge they might not have told you the real reason.

FBaby

Not very nice the way you have decided that your friends "excuse" isn't good enough there are lots of reasons why people don't go to weddings.

Of course there are reasons and many (most) I would very much have respected (lack of money being definitely one of them, which is why I felt so touched my sister decided to come despite the costs as I hadn't expected it), but without going into details in that case because it is not the point of the thread, her excuse which was formulated very clearly was definitely hurtful. If it was the true reason, then it showed how much she wasn't prepared to make an effort. If it is not the real excuse, then as a close friend, I would have expected her to be honest with me.

What upset me is the way she went about it, an email after being chased more than a month after getting the invitation, telling me all about her current life and only as a conclusion, wrote 'by the way, we won't be able to come because... sorry' and that was about it.

As a very close friend, I would have expected a phone call maybe, or at least mentioning she couldn't come at the beginning of the mail expressing that she was sorry and wished she could come. I've not fallen out with her, it takes more than that, but I felt let down and as such, don't see her at the same level of friendship as I did before. Of course that could be a misunderstanding and all will be clarified as some stage. I don't hold grudges.

ska_lover

Yes. I learned loads..

One of my 'close' friends RSVP'd for her and her entire family - all 5 people, and then didn't turn up to the wedding, no text no phone call, nothing. It was only when I asked her a few days later, why they didn't turn up and she said she was 'too tired' to attend. Five peoples worth of catering, favours and named cakes made for them , money completely wasted with no apology or even letting us know and a completely empty table set out in their names....I only found out because I chased her as was concerned. She only lives on the next road to where our reception venue is.

One 'friend' blocked me on facebook the day after the wedding...not sure why, the last previous correspondence I had had with her, was she declined to come to the wedding, couldn't get the time off work - on a Saturday night- when she works a 9-5 job..(I worked with her until very recently) Hmm

One of my bridal party acted terribly - repeatedly showing her underwear at the reception, told me her wedding ring was better than mine, being rude to other guests and stealing from other guests - I would never have imagined her behaviour in a MILLION YEARS.

So yes, I learned a lot about so called 'friends' and sometimes it is not the ones you expect it to be - your 'friends' do not always have your best interests at heart

Having said that, we did have some amazing day with lots of support with people travelling long distances to celebrate with us, and many supportive friends and family around us on our big day and it was amazing, and the silliness by non friends didn't spoil it one bit on the day - all it has done is made us distance ourselves from these people afterwards

FBaby

they didn't turn up and she said she was 'too tired' to attend.

That's shocking. How utterly selfish. That must have been really upsetting if you considered her a close friend.

One of my bridal party acted terribly - repeatedly showing her underwear at the reception, told me her wedding ring was better than mine, being rude to other guests and stealing from other guests - I would never have imagined her behaviour in a MILLION YEARS.

That's unbelievable too! Did she apologise afterwards if all this came out under the influence of alcohol?

sometimes it is not the ones you expect it to be - your 'friends' do not always have your best interests at heart

Yes, I think that is the key issue. You start thinking of friends and build up your list and then face surprises in relation to the responses you get. From my initial list which was only last drafted last April, I took down one couple, then the one I didn't doubt would come as indicated that she would, but added two who I was only going to invite in the evening but were so supportive when discussing the wedding that I realised I wanted them during the ceremony and both have agreed with enthusiasm. I have become closer to them since. My OH had a similar experience. One friend who he considered very close showing no interest at all, but after his stag night, he decided to invite two more couples to the reception because they bothered to come from quite a way for it and showed much support. Both accepted. My OH invited a number of acquaintances to the evening do, having no clear idea who would say yes or not, and again we was surprised, some people coming from miles away and booked a hotel locally to be able to do so, whereas some we are still waiting to hear one way or the other.

Saying all that, I totally appreciate that different people consider weddings differently. My OH loves them and would go to any he was invited to unless really couldn't. I don't care that much for them. I might feel differently after mine!

ska_lover

FBaby wrote: »

That's shocking. How utterly selfish. That must have been really upsetting if you considered her a close friend.



That's unbelievable too! Did she apologise afterwards if all this came out under the influence of alcohol?



Yes, I think that is the key issue. You start thinking of friends and build up your list and then face surprises in relation to the responses you get. From my initial list which was only last drafted last April, I took down one couple, then the one I didn't doubt would come as indicated that she would, but added two who I was only going to invite in the evening but were so supportive when discussing the wedding that I realised I wanted them during the ceremony and both have agreed with enthusiasm. I have become closer to them since. My OH had a similar experience. One friend who he considered very close showing no interest at all, but after his stag night, he decided to invite two more couples to the reception because they bothered to come from quite a way for it and showed much support. Both accepted. My OH invited a number of acquaintances to the evening do, having no clear idea who would say yes or not, and again we was surprised, some people coming from miles away and booked a hotel locally to be able to do so, whereas some we are still waiting to hear one way or the other.

Saying all that, I totally appreciate that different people consider weddings differently. My OH loves them and would go to any he was invited to unless really couldn't. I don't care that much for them. I might feel differently after mine!

No there has been no apology from either of my 'so called 'friends.

The member of the bridal party who misbehaved, hasn't aknowledged that she behaved that badly at all - I have only had two short communications from her since our wedding, and no mention of her behaviour.. ....Honestly though, I am GOBSMACKED, as like I say, I would not have expected it from her. Further to that, at her wedding a while back, me and my OH, gifted her and her new husband a substantial amount of cash - and we received not a thing on our wedding day from them

You do live and learn, and I realise now who we, as a couple, have more in common with, than the people we thought we did. Some friends that we thought we could rely on for unwavering support etc - have let us down big time...whereas we have had massive support from some rather unexpected places - and we will never forget the love and support given to us.

Stephb1986_2

I have too learnt a lot about people when organising our wedding and not in a good way either. I wish we were doing it abroad now.

Steph xx