Please help, reaching the end of the road

theoretica

frank_butcher wrote: »

Fair point. I owe £12100, it's worth probably £16000. Is it worth it deducting the cost of another car?

Is it worth wiping £12k off your debt in one swoop and at least £210 off your monthly outgoings? It would be to me (and I follow my own advice - my car is 16 years old).

You might find this thread interesting reading.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4745837

mildredalien

frank_butcher wrote: »

To explain my partners income. She is self employed (Beauty Therapist) and works about 20 hours a week (parents cover childcare). Her income varies but she (usually) pays for the food and clothes for the children, she doesn't pay any bills etc. None of the debt (apart from the mortgage) is in her name. And she doesn't know about the majority of it bar the car. And even then she doesn't know what I am paying.

You can see the mess I am in and having to hide things from my own family to cover it. It's not something I am proud of.

I really think you need to speak to her about it, as you are going to have to work together to tackle the debt without running into real trouble. As you can see if you take your partners income into account it makes things a lot easier (although you have mysteriously removed the other child expenses...) You will need to do things like changing your sky subscription, reducing grocery spends and budgeting for clothes and gifts and it will be 1000 times harder if you just try and do that on your own!

nicp60

frank_butcher wrote: »

To explain my partners income. She is self employed (Beauty Therapist) and works about 20 hours a week (parents cover childcare). Her income varies but she (usually) pays for the food and clothes for the children, she doesn't pay any bills etc. None of the debt (apart from the mortgage) is in her name. And she doesn't know about the majority of it bar the car. And even then she doesn't know what I am paying.

You can see the mess I am in and having to hide things from my own family to cover it. It's not something I am proud of.

Hi Frank,
You might not like this, but I think you're about to get 20 people telling you the same thing - you must tell your wife about the situation. She'll probably be p!$$ed off and upset, but if you can present her with a solution at the same time, then she'll be more likely to be on board.

You said before that you don't have a good enough profile to borrow anymore money, and that you can't consolidate. The ONLY option for you now is to face these debts by cutting back on your outgoings and snowballing.

According to your SoA you should have £500 a month extra after you've paid all the minimum payments - what is this going on?
If you don't know, you (and the wife) need to keep a spending diary.

I would also recommend putting your debts into this: http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/snowball-calculator.php, which will calculate a debt free date and show you the cheapest way to become debt free.

triple_choc_chip

Mmmm, yes you are in a bit of a pickle because that surplus now showing in your new SoA is due to your wife's income, it's in your wife's account each month and she doesn't know about your debts....

Have these debts been incurred buying stuff for the house and family? If so it's time for a heart to heart - (it's time for that anyway ). It's possible that if you have had a history of pooling some joint expenses and keeping the remainder of income private; that she may even have a nest egg which could help you out considerably.

Time to be working together on this. Make sure you can tell her how each debt was created; most women need that justification before they can have acceptance and be part of the team. And of course you couldn't be selling the car, cancelling the sky and insisting on Aldi shopping without her knowing something's afoot! Feel the fear :eek: and do it anyway.

ellesbellesxxx

nicp60 wrote: »

Hi Frank,
You might not like this, but I think you're about to get 20 people telling you the same thing - you must tell your wife about the situation. She'll probably be p!$$ed off and upset, but if you can present her with a solution at the same time, then she'll be more likely to be on board.

You said before that you don't have a good enough profile to borrow anymore money, and that you can't consolidate. The ONLY option for you now is to face these debts by cutting back on your outgoings and snowballing.

According to your SoA you should have £500 a month extra after you've paid all the minimum payments - what is this going on?
If you don't know, you (and the wife) need to keep a spending diary.

I would also recommend putting your debts into this: http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/snowball-calculator.php, which will calculate a debt free date and show you the cheapest way to become debt free.

Nicp60 has hit the nail on the head... you haven't mentioned where the personal loan has gone, maybe even to consolidate debts before? This is the not the answer... your new SOA shows over 500 should be left over, cut back too and you can do this in record time. Your wife may well be disappointed at first but is this debt just you really? Without you being honest with her, she probably thinks more money is available than there is so has been spending accordingly too.

yorkssteve

Deleting this response as it offers no help and on reflection it's an embarrassment. My apologies.

[Deleted User]

Any space on the Virgin CC?

If so, could you BT all (or at least some) of the balance from the Nat West Credit Card?

I ask because, at the £100pm you are currently paying, it's going to take 4.5 years (and over £2,300 in interest) to pay off the Nat West Credit Card.

Failing a BT to the Virgin card, dumping the pay TV, and putting the £110 toward the Nat West Credit Card, will see it paid off in 18 months, for just £641 interest.

BTW. How long does the Virgin CC remain 0%, and what does it go to then?

yorkssteve

Sorry for my earlier response. As others have said, surely you need that difficult chat with your wife to talk things through and explain the position. Surely she'll be supportive of you? You're in it together, after all.

For me, you've got to look at the car first. That's a lot of money to spend on a vehicle if you're having tough times. You might feel it's a loss of face, but what's worse - cashing in on it now and getting something cheaper, or having a bailiff turning up a few months from now and taking it away from you? You can cut a 5-figure sum off your liabilities right there.

Then comes the credit card on which you're already paying interest. Have you definitely tried all the 0% cards and been rejected? I got onto the Tesco card about 3 months ago - it was 0% for 12 months I think, with NO TRANSFER FEE.

Then the TV. Now, Sky and Virgin have started getting very wise to customers chipping bits off packages. If you think you're going to halve your monthly fee by losing a few channels and slowing down your broadband, it's not going to happen. You might save £10 or £20, and for that, you'd have to go right down to basic services. And you have to live a little. Better to have telly coming out of your ears than a fancy car to flash to your neighbours.

You have a good job, decent salary - the fancy car will come back some time fairly soon. But for now, hand it back and get something practical.

The best of luck.

catwoman73

Other posters have given you great advice OP. However, I do wonder if there are still some items missing from your SOA. You haven't put anything for things like:

mobile phones
eating out/takeaways/work lunches/coffees
Car parking
Redecoration/home improvements
Books/magazines/computer games
Haircuts (or does your wife do them, being a beauty therapist?)
Holidays

Its easily possible to spend hundreds of pounds a month on the above items, without noticing or thinking that you are being extravant.

You have a very good household income so its easy to fall into 'we can afford it' trap. I would be willing to bet that a lot of your debt has built up by just spending a little extra each month above your income.

Just need to second the comments about getting your wife on board. She needs to understand that you have all been overspending for years and need to cut back for a while to get back on track. As she works part time, she can help by reducing the grocery budget, meal planning and cooking from scratch, also make sure you are getting all the best deals on insurance/utilities etc by regularly checking prices. Also selling excess items on eBay etc.

You both need to ensure that you are not wasting money on things like work lunches and coffees by taking packed lunches. I would also second the other comments about downsizing your car massively to something costing no more than £5k, with cheap insurance/tax/good fuel economy and use the money released to pay off some debt. Also make sure you are not doing lots of unnecessary mileage.

You say your wife is self employed. Is she the one that uses the car, if she goes to lots of different locations (client's homes?) is she claiming 45p per mile as car expenses to reduce her tax? Is she charging a fair rate for her time? Can she up her rates at all? She is getting a decent income for part time work, can she manage any more hours/clients or provide additional services to up her income? How regular is her income - is £1k pm an average, or does it fluctuate a lot?

hamilton20

Hi - just wanted to add some words of encouragement to you so you know clearing your debt can be done. I am a single parent and I cleared over £100,000 of debt in around 8 years and I earn less than you. You just have to keep plugging away and you'll get there