The impossible dream

Tahlullah

10 days later and nothing to report. Everything going the way it should be. I am not spending frivolously, instead maintaining my NSD average.

Everything is working the way it should. But I still feel a bit despondent.

I still don't know what is happening with the BIG DEBT and I am crawling towards hearing something shortly. This is adding to my current malaise and general depression.

I am still paying off this very small for me visa bill that accrued on a holiday, that I am so angry about. But, reading some WNAB posts have given me a bit of inspiration.

I have been saving towards my buffer of £5000 for 2 months and so far have managed to save £60. YNAB says that perhaps the amount is this low because I don't see it as a priority, so I'm not budgeting towards it. This may be true.

Anyway, I have archived the buffer category for now and have introduced a Debt Snowball category instead. I am using the money in the Buffer category for the F1, and starting with the snowball category next payday. I am obsessed with this visa bill. Once it is gone, I will feel a bit better.

I also made a decision that I will probably not be going to America in September, as I will have to put myself in debt to do it. I want to go, but I want the debt less.

Additionally, part of my malaise is not feeling secure at work. I have been in the situation where I have been at risk of losing my job before and rode it out on more than one occasion. I need to get a positive mindset which reminds me that if I do lose my job, I will be able to work. I am taking inspiration from others - Tori.k - and I am going to see if I can find a job that allows me to make a bit of side income. Maybe if I stop being so precious about they work I do and accept that I just need 'work' perhaps I can get to be where I want to be.

I want to pay down my mortgage. (This may not be achievable with the job at risk, but I can keep reducing the amount owed.)

I want to clear my visa bill. (This is not a large amount, but based on my current budgeting, it will take to Christmas and that isn't really acceptable to me.)

I want to go to America. (I don't think I can find the money for that without it impacting on my desire to overpay the mortgage. At some point, I have to jump.)

So, I will look for a pt job that fits my chaotic lifestyle.
I will pay any spare change into my debt snowball category and try to help pay off the visa faster.
I will keep watching to see if I can afford America.
I will keep making my £50 overpayments on the mortgage.
I will re-evaluate at the end of the year and look to set new targets at that point.

Onwards and upwards.

EatingTheElephant

I'm not surprised you are feeling so despondent with so much uncertainty hanging over you. You are doing so well looking for ways to make progress.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you find a way to fund the trip.

Are there any skills you have that you could freelance, so find work that you could fit in when you find time, instead of a job with set hours/times?

armchairexpert

Awww, Talullah, you can join me in the grumpy corner! I have biscuits and tea. It's definitely dispiriting, plodding along trying to pay off tiny bits of the mortgage when you have a potential Big Debt hanging over you. I'm impressed you're trying at all, that would be enough to sink many of us.

Think switching priorities to the Visa bill is a good idea. Even if it's 0% interest it'll make you feel better to have it gone.

As well as secondary income, is eBaying or car booting an option? A good declutter can help lift the mood!

Tahlullah

Thanks for the well wishes guys, really appreciated. I have always been a glass half full type of person, but just get 'down' every so often when there is something affecting me over which I have no control. To be fair, the bad news would be better than no news as I can look toward a solution at that point. But this perpetual waiting is grating.

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions. ETE, I have no skills at all that I can sell on to others. Heck, I'm surprised I'm even employed to be honest! I use the old Jedi mind trick - 'You DOOO need me in your organisation, don't youuu...' So far, it's worked, but I'm a bit out of shape of late. So, no special skills to sell.

Laughed when you suggested Car Boot. The last car boot I did, I nearly got into a fisticuff with a woman who picked up a bag I was selling, ragged on it and broke it and then said she didn't want it. Of course I said she should pay for it, she said no etc. Eventually, I told her that if she steps away without paying for it, I would take something from her, anything and I would destroy it in front of her. ANYTHING. She was holding quite a lot, so it would have been possible. She paid me the grand total of 50p which is what it was for sale for and I threw the bag in the bin. So, perhaps not car boot sales.

I have ebayed my entire life away. The only thing I have left in the living room is a soap box and a telly. I suppose I could sell the telly, but it's not a flat screen etc, so no-one would want it.

However, I still have Rufus...

Beautiful day here today. Planning on going shopping, thus ending my 3 day NSD run. I have £14.50 left for me in my personal money according to YNAB, which should be plenty for 1 week, I'm not planning on going anywhere. YNAB also says the age of my money is currently 32 days old. Still don't get this function, but I read at the weekend I should be aiming for 60 days. Wow, the thought that my money was 60 days old! If my money was that old, would I even be in this predicament?

Better get ready for work. Have a nice day everyone.

TallGirl

Hugs to you although the car boot story made me laugh yes maybe not that.

As for selling skills I agree it can be difficult I've thought about it myself and I think we devalue ourselves which makes it impossible to see anything positive. It's human nature. I hope you get some clarity at work it's horrible not knowing. If you're well known I think the you need me it a good approach always worked for me until I moved and I don't know as many.

Tahlullah

The only problem is, if anyone does know me, they would run a mile, screaming 'No, not her!!'

It was a nice day today. Hope you all had a pleasant one!

armchairexpert

Nooo don't sell Rufus! Maybe teach him tricks and send him out on the streets as a performing cat instead?

That is a fantastic car boot story. Ok, not car boots. Not eBay. Hmmm. Room for a lodger?

Tahlullah

Wouldn't a lodger get a bit upset with the lack of furniture?

No, I like my own space too much. Couldn't imagine having to get dressed every single day because there was a stranger walking around my personal space; when all I want to do is stroll to the toilet and have a wee before heading back to bed.

armchairexpert

No, lodgers only work for certain house set ups, I guess.

Marry a billionaire and then arrange for a mysterious accident?

Tahlullah

Now you are talking my language!

On another thread - The Nice Persons thread - we were coming up with ways to dispose of a body.

This may become a common theme with me.