Getting married abroad, just the two of us...

Gaaraz

My fianc!e and I are both very keen on getting married, however the actual marriage part is quite off-putting!

Walking down the aisle, saying the vows, the speeches, the photos, everything just sounds completely unappealing as we both hate any sort of attention

The logical solution seems to be to get married abroad, however I'm really worried about how our friends and family will feel about that

On my girlfriend's side, her parents likely wouldn't go to a wedding abroad, and unfortunately for health reasons none of her grandparents could make it either, and as a result she said she'd like to get married just the two of us... to be honest, depending on where we went I'm not sure my parents (mum is terrified of flying) or grandparents (again, health reasons) would make it either

I'm just looking for any advice and experiences from anyone who has done the same thing please? I'm tempted to say to people (close family, and a couple of close friends) that they can come if they want, but we're not really expecting anyone to make the journey - but then I guess it's potentially really awkward when just a couple of people come along with us, hm...

newcook

Why not just nip to the registry office and just have your parents and grandparents there?! You don’t have to do the whole ‘look at me’ type wedding if you don’t want to.

Gaaraz

That is a great idea... but I think that's the kind of thing that could cause some people to get upset at not getting invited The problem is, where do you draw the line? If we did that, I'd definitely want to invite some family members but not others for example, or only close friends etc

Gloomendoom

Gaaraz wrote: »

My fianc!e and I are both very keen on getting married, however the actual marriage part is quite off-putting!

Walking down the aisle, saying the vows, the speeches, the photos, everything just sounds completely unappealing as we both hate any sort of attention

The logical solution seems to be to get married abroad, however I'm really worried about how our friends and family will feel about that

On my girlfriend's side, her parents likely wouldn't go to a wedding abroad, and unfortunately for health reasons none of her grandparents could make it either, and as a result she said she'd like to get married just the two of us... to be honest, depending on where we went I'm not sure my parents (mum is terrified of flying) or grandparents (again, health reasons) would make it either

I'm just looking for any advice and experiences from anyone who has done the same thing please? I'm tempted to say to people (close family, and a couple of close friends) that they can come if they want, but we're not really expecting anyone to make the journey - but then I guess it's potentially really awkward when just a couple of people come along with us, hm...

You don't have to go abroad to get married. I got married with no guests at all, just me, my fiancee, the registrar and a couple of old ladies off the street as witnesses.

It upset the hell out of my family and my wife's family. My mother, in particular, was really hurt. I did it because I hate fuss and being the centre of attention. It was a mistake though.

I remarried several years later with a more conventional wedding. My wife and I were the centre of attention all day. Guess what... it didn't kill me.

My advice would be to man up and do it properly, otherwise you may regret it in the future.

GeorgiePeorgie

I think you really need to sit down and discuss it. I for instance have always loved the idea of wedding on a lovely beach and my fiance knows this, however, my dad cannot fly (health reasons) and thinking about it I would regret it if he didn't walk me down the isle. Nothing is for certain in this life and not having that memory I think will really upset me if I had missed that opportunity.

I think family are sometimes a lot more understanding now. They appreciate that weddings can become really expensive and if you said to them that you only really want people there who are special to you I think they would understand.

All the best either way, its a toughie!

mercede5

You remind me so much of us - loved the idea of being married but not so much the idea of a wedding!

We did go abroad just the two of us, and were very firm with family that this was how we were going to do it. We were so lucky that they were all understanding.

We did have a family meal when we got back, and decided to keep that small. Just family and our very closest friends, and as far as I'm aware we didnt upset anyone. As the last poster said I think people are more understanding about people having smaller weddings now.

Hope you manage to work it out.

continualdiamond

We didn't want a big wedding with all the fuss etc etc. We toyed with the idea of a surprise wedding, like inviting people to lunch or something and it being our wedding but decided against it as we knew our parents would enjoy helping to plan it a bit.

My cousin had a surprise wedding, they sent engagement party invitations out. They actually got married in their back garden, though this is back home in Australia where you can get married anywhere it doesn't have to be a licensed venue.

For our wedding we got married in a village pub. Was perfect for us as didn't feel so 'eyes on me' kind of thing, we both instantly knew it was a perfect venue for us when we looked at it as knew we'd both be relaxed.

I didn't have a massive walk obviously to my husband to be with loads of people looking at me, the room held 30 guests so again we felt comfortable saying our vows.

We then had a buffet meal, no speeches, no first dance, we had music through our ipod dock all night.

Photos yes, but again wasn't in your face kind of photos due to only 30 guests.

As it was a pub we basically said to the people we didn't invite to our wedding & reception to come along and help us celebrate with having some drinks. It was fab as of course it wasn't a packed out pub with it being in a village. We did have a separate room that was just for us, but to be honest I think maybe 5-10 members of the public were in the pub, everyone else we knew.

duchy

Honestly -step away from your preconcieved ideas of what a wedding is -you can have anything and anyone you want.

If you want a registry office ( and some are amazingly pretty) and just go for a meal afterwards with your nearest and dearest -then it's still a wedding.

It might sound like blasphomy on here ...... but the important thing is the ceremony and the speeches and photos and reception are fluff..... nice if you want them but if you don't...you don't.

Have the day you both want ..... if you don't want to go abroad don't. Just quietly get married -and tell the extended family afterwards. People only get humpy if they think they are excluded .....but accept you went off and did it and told everyone after far better. Just don't expect presents from them

dawn27

We got married in the Dominican Republic just the two of us and we have never regretted the decision.
We were going to get married in the UK but after announcing we were tying the knot the family dramas started, said to my OH look its our day and we should just have the wedding how and where we want to do it.
Next day we booked the holiday and Wedding, we got married in the hotel grounds and had our pictures taken on the beach.
We had a party after we came back from the honeymoon in the in-laws back garden for all the relatives and friends to celebrate and this seemed to suit everyone.
Good luck and remember its your day