Feeling a bit pants!

Anoneemoose

Hi,

I posted last week while I was away re: our budget. I have come home and done an soa based on what we have been spending and what we could be spending and what that would/could mean for reducing our debt.

The thing is Mr Anon just will not budge on some things. Like the nearly £60 we spend on Virgin (tv, internet and phone package) per month. Also when I mentioned that the money we have been setting aside for holidays could be going towards our debt (and would make a HUGE difference even if we 'missed' just one year).

We also live in a house that needs completely renovating and it totally gets me down. Now I know we're lucky to have the house and that it is just general updating that it needs but it really is so old fashioned and cream crackered. Our carpets are older than us and are getting thread bare. Another thing we could use the holiday fund for it to put a small amount away each month until we can afford to so each room a bit at a time. We have furniture so it is general decorating (and skimming walls). Again though, DH reckons if he doesn't have his holiday every year then he will not be happy. I know it does him good because it really is the only time he gets to properly 'get away from it all'. It has helped us with our recent issues too.

So when I suggest a cheaper hol or none at all, I feel like it is my fault for mentioning it and that it is me causing him to feel bad. I just wish I could 'get him on board' and tackle things together and agree on a plan. Then I would feel more positive about kicking our debt in to touch.

Sorry for rambling, I am not sure what I am asking for. Maybe just advice from those who have an OH who isn't on the same page and how you get round it. I always feel better once I have a plan in place but I don't feel like I can get a plan because it isn't any good if we don't agree IYSWIM?

Thanks.

xyellowx

you need to put a SOA up then sit down work out how much you can save each month then using that to make over payments how long it would be till you was debt free
we had 15k debt jan oct 15th be debt free and are moving house somthing we could only dream about but its been hard work we didnt go on hols this year but had decided the 3k was best used to pay off a credit card missed out on stag/hen weekends trip to ireland trip to royal ascot but all that money has been used to over pay off debt

we were crap with money we would say yes then worry about how to pay later if we can change anybody can

you do need the odd treat tho once a month or it gets you down

NinjaSavingKat

Don't worry about the little things. Freecycle is amazing, check out those websites where you can swap skills with people and get a plasterer in or a painter to do the house over. Visit DIY stores and ask for "end of line" or returned unsellable cans of paint and use your imagination. Or how about get on those DIY websites / and YouTube and learn to do it yourself - then get the tools you need off Freecycle.

Stop thinking you have to do things the "conventional" way. Maybe this little project is another way for you both to bond.

Regarding the holiday just how much do you spend? Perhaps that SOA needs to be placed up here for us to have a nosey and there will be folk on here to advise you how to approach you OH about it.

Regarding the house - yes honey, be gratful you have one that "only needs decorating"..

Good Luck..

Monkeyballs

Hi,

I'm single so can't offer much from an 'uncooperative other half' perspective but reading your post, it makes me think that he just doesn't see your debts as being as big a deal as you do?

I can understand that he may want to not budge on some things like the TV for example because he's likely seeing that as a punishment or maybe even thinks that without so much choice on TV you're more likely to go out?

If it was me, I'd probably get paper and a pen and all the statements, contracts and documents you have and write everything down - maybe get him to read them out while you write them down? Maybe by doing this and getting more involved with understanding the debts you have could lead to a light bulb moment which would make other discussions like the holiday a bit easier?

Failing that, call your TV supplier and suggest you might be looking to leave as money is a bit tight and see what they offer you as a valued customer and perhaps look at a cheaper holiday to somewhere closer staying in a smaller/cheaper hotel or B&B?

Good luck!

wannabee_in_credit

Is the whole thing a joint budget?

I know a lot of people will shoot me down in flames for saying this, but it works for us. We have a household budget that covers the basics, and both pay a proportion of our salary in each month. Whatever is left is ours to do with what we like. It's my hubby that insists on full Sky HD package with all the sports and films - therefore he pays for it out of his spare money. It's me that uses the car, so I pay for it. If the Sky went onto household budget we'd lose HD, Sport and Movies in a heartbeat.

I don't know what to suggest re the holiday because we tend to go to caravan parks on cheap breaks and it does us because we've never known any different.

You do need to have a life while paying off debt, but you also need to make sacrifices. It's been very recent that my husband has finally realised that his spare money doesn't cover everything that he wants and so he now needs to make choices. Beer or sports, driving to Scotland or going to football etc. He doesn't like it but he's finally realised why I think twice before spending.

treeny_bash

Hi

I'm in a bit of a mess at the moment so can't give much advise from a budgetting point of view but I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. Part of our debt is a loan that we pay £350 off a month, and my bf thinks that our money issues will magically disappear once that's paid off and we can transfer the money to our other debts. We've got the entertainment package on sky (after I got him to agree to drop movies and sports) and that plus our broadband and phone comes to £60 a month, he refuses to drop that any further even though we could easily survive on freeview. We go out *a lot* and we spend a lot on trips away and although we try to cut this down, it's never with any enthusiasm and it doesn't work.

We're going to give wannabee_in_credit's idea a go and so long as I make sure that my side balances then he can spend his on what he wants. If you got MrA to agree to it then you would be able to decide how much of "your" budget you spent on the holiday and he would need to find the rest from his budget if he wanted to spend more. I hope you figure out something that works for you either way, it sucks being stuck in a rut, especially if you are the only one who is bothered by it.

K
x

Anoneemoose

Thank you for all the replies. It is funny really because DH has always been really good with money. Has had loans in the past for car for e.g. always paid in full on time. No cc debt.

We do everything 'in one pot'. He earns 3x as much as me. It has always worked but he has left me to deal with updating our spread sheet and working out what we can pay, when. I really shouldn't have let him get away with it for so long.

He came up with the solution of remortgaging to cover the extra debt. Now normally I would say no because I know it's not advised to turn unsecured to secured debt however we are due for re mortgage and the rate we can get is less than what we are on now. This would mean we would actually pay £60 less a month on what we pay on our current mortgage repayment. Our LTV (even with the extra) is still good and we would not be extending the term at all.

As I said, I normally wouldn't consider this option but am swaying towards it because a lot of our debt is due to house refurb. New boiler and central heating fixes. Electricals, damp proofing. Admittedly some of it has been overspending once the debt was there. I understand that this, if taken, would be a fantastic opportunity to wipe the slate clean and not take our eye off the ball again. Before we moved to this house, we never had any debt at all. We always had emergency funds and also were able to set money aside for xmas, b'days, hols etc. it seems like it all snowballed after we moved.

toothfairybuttkicker

treeny_bash wrote: »

Hi

I'm in a bit of a mess at the moment so can't give much advise from a budgetting point of view but I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. Part of our debt is a loan that we pay £350 off a month, and my bf thinks that our money issues will magically disappear once that's paid off and we can transfer the money to our other debts.

K
x

Your OH sounds like my OH. At times I swear he lives in a dream world!!!!! Once the loans gone we're laughing!!!! he needs a swift kick up the rear end. I know him well enough that he will find something each month to use the money on.

My solution has been to print out an order form for his dream car (including all the extras he want, electric sun roof, heated leather seat, alloys, sat nav, Bluetooth phone ect) it tots up to a nice £24,000 in todays money. He can only have it when all the cards are gone and he's got 1/4 of the money in the bank as a deposit.

so far its working. he is the process of saving up his first £500 to wack off a card.

We like to do it in £500 batches, I guess its the 'what if' in me. Most emergencies can be sorted for under £500 so if I've got it to hand I think it makes me feel comfortable

R_P_W

toothfairybuttkicker wrote: »

Your OH sounds like my OH. At times I swear he lives in a dream world!!!!! Once the loans gone we're laughing!!!! he needs a swift kick up the rear end. I know him well enough that he will find something each month to use the money on.

My solution has been to print out an order form for his dream car (including all the extras he want, electric sun roof, heated leather seat, alloys, sat nav, Bluetooth phone ect) it tots up to a nice £24,000 in todays money. He can only have it when all the cards are gone and he's got 1/4 of the money in the bank as a deposit.

so far its working. he is the process of saving up his first £500 to wack off a card.

We like to do it in £500 batches, I guess its the 'what if' in me. Most emergencies can be sorted for under £500 so if I've got it to hand I think it makes me feel comfortable

Really? His reward for paying off debt is 18k of new debt?

datlex

£60 a month for virgin seems high. May well be worth speaking to them to see if it can be reduced. Also worth checking if you can get the same sort of thing cheaper via sky for example.
Again with holidays, look out for bargains. Is it cheaper to go from a different airport for example. What time of year is cheapest.
Have you watched superscrimpers for ideas on revamping furniture/ cheap decorating?

Anoneemoose

datlex wrote: »

£60 a month for virgin seems high. May well be worth speaking to them to see if it can be reduced. Also worth checking if you can get the same sort of thing cheaper via sky for example.
Again with holidays, look out for bargains. Is it cheaper to go from a different airport for example. What time of year is cheapest.
Have you watched superscrimpers for ideas on revamping furniture/ cheap decorating?

Thanks. Yeah - I love superscrimpers altho I am not always that good with 'projects'!! Bit kack handed! Not that I don't try. I have bought most of the stuff for my 'new' living room. I bought things bit by bit. Curtains here, poles there. Some pics etc. i have also got a standing lamp that is the wrong colour so have bought some fabric to cover the shade and some silver metallic spray to cover the other wrong coloured bits.

I did also want the some new, solid furniture instead of the stuff I have now but have decided to upcycle my current stuff (is actually solid pine no veneers) by sanding, painting/waxing a walnut colour and then just buying new handles for it. Once we get the remortgage sorted, we will be able to putoney aside for house stuff every month altho not as much as I'd like because DH still wants to pay the same for hols, virgin etc etc...grrrr.

We only hol in uk and set aside £110 per mth for a cottage in the beautiful Peak District. Cottage is £530. The rest is for 'spends'.

Virgin is out of contract in Sep but what we have now is already discounted. Best internet, Tivo box with HD stuff and home phone (which we never use). No movies or sports!