Help. Please.

littleone89

I need help. I have never been able to say that to anyone before. I am the sort of person who sees asking for help as a sign of weakness. I like to try to sort things on my own and that usually work out for me. But not any more. At the end of 2009 I lost my job and that made life for me and my OH very difficult financially. So I took out a credit card. The limit wasn't very high - £100 and I soon maxed it out. I cut up the card and that was that. I was paying off slightly higher than the minimum amount every month and all was good until I got a letter through the post saying that my limit had been increased. This is not an issue as I have cut my card up and I will have a job soon. Only I don't get a job quite as quickly as I had thought, so I order a new card. Then I max out the new limit. I decide to get a new credit card with a lower interest rate to cover this one. I get that and pay off CC1. Only now CC2 has a much higher limit than CC1 and CC1 now has the full amount for me to use. After a couple of years trying to cope with the 2 I get a third in the hope that I can pay off them both. This doesn't quite go to plan and I slowly end up increasing my overdraft limit to accommodate the repayments. I did find a job after I took out CC2 but my wage was about £5,000 a year less than what I had been on and only just covered the bills and everything with the house. I have desperately tried to cut back and get my debt reduced but every time I find something to cut back on something else creeps out of the woodwork that needs money putting into it. If it's not a household appliance it's the car and if it's not the car it's something else.

The even bigger catch with this? My OH has no idea that I'm in any debt let alone how much... I have tried on several occasions to tell him and ask for help but whenever it comes to telling him I get a massive panic attack and can't go through with it. I'm petrified as to how he will react and I really wish I hadn't let it get this far. I don't even know how I let it get this far... I look back and I simply don't have a clue.

But the thing is - how do I tell him? Whenever we have a discussion where he gets angry or frustrated he walks out. He doesn't tell me where he's going or for how long. So how do I know that he's going to even come back? That's what scares me most of all. That he will leave me. I love him unconditionally and don't want to lose him.

I've read other posts on here about how people haven't told their partners and I tear up reading them. I become inspired to talk to my OH - and then I get a panic attack thinking about his reaction. And the really silly thing? The debt of the other posts is anywhere between £20k and £50k. My debt? £4,500

I'd appreciate some advice.

Thanks

ellesbellesxxx

Hi,
There is definitely a way forward, it's just working out what will work best for you.
You might find it useful to complete a statement of affairs detailing income and outgoings... http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php It is important to find out if your income covers your basic outgoings or is it that there is money being spent that you don't have - hence the debt.
If you want to share it, people can help advise you.
Two options stand out, either cutting back and throwing all your spare income at the card with highest APR first, whilst paying min payments on others, before closing it down and turning to others.
Or debt management plan... you can go via Stepchange which will coordinate it for you, where you pay a manageable chunk of money each month which is distributed between your creditors. However you would need to default on your payments first which has implications of its own. Without knowing exact figures, I cant really say.

As to your relationship, if he loves you unconditionally too, then he won't leave you and will stand by you. xxx

wannabee_in_credit

Write him a letter... that's what I do sometimes with my hubby because I know that he can't always cope with the big stuff when I'm there talking to him.

I would suggest that you find a way forward too. Contact Stepchange by phone or online, or Payplan. See what solutions they suggest, then you can tell your other half that 'yes I have gotten into debt, but here is what I am going to do about it'.