Gifts for parents - yes or no?

Cuilean

Just over a week to go, and I'm mulling over the concept of gifts for the parents. It seems to be the done thing at every big wedding I've been to that the mothers get a huge bunch of flowers and the Dads get a bottle of alcohol during the speeches. I'm leaning towards not doing gifts for parents, as there are some mitigating factors involved for my wedding, but I'd appreciate input from others.

Primarily, my wedding is small. Only us and our witnesses at the registry office (Of which future MIL is one), and then 35 people at an informal buffet afterwards at a local upmarket cafe. Venue booked for two hours, and that's it.

Due to the informal nature of it, we've said no speeches, smart-casual dress, and no gifts. We want low-key for the whole day.

Both myself and OH are from single-parent homes. His father, and my mother, both died when we were younger. Both of the remaining parents have recently (In the last 5 years) met someone new. Our parents' new partners have been invited, although my father's partner is awaiting the birth of her first grandchild, so may not come if that happens. We're definitely not buying gifts for either of the new partners, and I'd like to do something to remember our absent parents, maybe a candle.

Neither of us are overly close to our parents. My father and I did not speak for a good ten years after he effectively made sure I was homeless in my early twenties. 15 years later, we are speaking, via text message. MIL and OH are not particularly close, but more because they're both very "Dr Spock", and dreadful at showing their feelings

The reception has been paid for by my father. It wasn't massively expensive at a few hundred pounds. At the risk of sounding bitter (I am trying really, really hard not to, but my Bridezilla side is a bit miffed TBH) my MIL, who paid for the entire bar at her younger son's wedding, has paid nothing and made no offer to do so. Her family are big drinkers. OH is already worried that she's going to overdo it and embarrass him.

So, your thoughts please. Do we buy presents? If so, who for, what should we get, and when do we present them? Or do we leave it?

MILLYMOLLY

Personally I would buy presents for your MIL and Dad but that's just me. It is your wedding and you should do what you ant and not what is expected.

If your dad has paid for the reception then is he trying to make ammends?

You don't have to spend a lot, you can get really nice flowers from a supermarket and lots of bottles are on offer usually.

Have a great wedding Day

mummyroysof3

There is no need to buy them and in your situation I wouldn't. Didn't at mine and it never crossed my mind that I should tbh.

sheeppappar

No I wouldn't. We are having a night-time do but other than that our day is the same as yours - registry office then meal with 25 people (parents etc). We both get on very well with all our parents and they are both still married .. but we are having no speeches, no cutting of the cake, no 1st dance etc and are not going to have presents either. I think if you just don't mention it then it won't cross anyone's minds! Have a lovely day XX

rach_k

I wouldn't in your situation and didn't in mine. Although we didn't have any issues with parents, it just wasn't that type of wedding - no speeches or toasts, just people sitting down for a nice meal and a laugh. It would have been out of place if we'd done it I think, and it would have started the whole 'well if we give so-and-so something, we have to give x, y and z something too". To be honest, I found it a bit awkward at my sister's wedding (a much bigger do) when they did it as I thought they missed somebody. Even at a big wedding, I think I would just say a normal but heartfelt thank you in private.

MrsDrink

We had a small intimate wedding (11 guests + 50 for house party 4 days later); had no speeches etc. We bought our mums a nice (but MSE) photo frame. I printed off a 'Thank you for everything; we owe you a photo from our wedding' poster with two photos of us as children (taken separately lol we didn't know each other then). On the morning before our wedding MrD gave his mum hers and I gave my mum hers. It worked well for us. Met our budget and was a token of our gratitude for all their support over our lifetimes. (If they weren't supportive we wouldn't have bothered. We wouldn't have done it just because it was what was expected). Then after the wedding, when we had the photographers photos on CD (with copyright) they both chose a photo for me to print off for them - incidentally they both chose the same one!

Moomin21

We're doing presents for my parents but not for his...my parents are paying for the majority of it so I want to get them something but MIL and FIL are not contributing at all financially so I don't want to get them anything, especially coz my parents are annoyed with them for not offering any money! it sounds like you are in a similar situation so I wouldnt feel the need to get the inlaws anything. They are normally 'thank you' gifts so if you have nothing to thank them for then I wouldnt bother!!

angelil

In your situation I wouldn't. Just thank those who have contributed emotionally/financially in the speech, using a catch-all wording.

We did make up a gift basket for my parents, because they paid for everything about our wedding (and it was a few thousand too). We didn't get anything for his parents because they didn't contribute anything financially or even to the planning of it - they just turned up.

sharnad

A small gift for your dad would be nice if he has forked out a few hundred on you. If the mil has helped in anyway a bouquet of flowers would be nice for her

hamsterfan1

As the mother of the bride I would not expect a gift - but if you have been helped out at all by people it's a nice gesture - we gave a necklace which had an enamelled coin of their year of birth - I have since inherited my mother's