Please help me urgently!

lovelyloulou

Dear All

I have never posted here before but I really need some help and I couldn't think of anywhere better to post. I know I shouldn't have done it but I looked at some of my boyfriends mail this morning and I have discovered that he is at least £45,000 in debt. I can't believe it. I had absolutley no idea about any of this and I do not know what to do next. We have only been together for around 8 months, and even though he lives with me and my children he is secretive about things in his past. I was really concerned so I resorted to looking at a letter that I knew was in one of his drawers, I then looked at another which was hidden somewhere else. The total of these two letters alone was £45,000 and i'm terrified how much more there may be. Should I confront him and tell him I looked at his mail or should I just leave it and wait and see what happens?? Please help me.

wherediditallgo

It must have been a real shock for you. I think the way to deal with it depends on how you live together & whether you think the relationship will survive you raising the issue with him. If you have shared bills & financial commitments together, then your home & that of your children is involved in his debts in some way & you have a right to know what's been going on. In that instance, I think you'll have to approach him about it, but you'll have to be prepared to weather the storm that could follow - I wouldn't like someone looking through my mail even if they thought I was being unreasonably secretive, & with you only being together 8 months you might be putting the relationship at risk.

I wouldn't approach him about it today. You need to be calm & prepared to be sympathetic rather than angry when you speak to him, & you need to do it when you know you won't be interrupted by children. Good luck.

desperate_mum_3

oh dear i am going to sound really heartless .... but in my mind honesty is first in a relationship it goes hand in hand with trust ... only you know how much you love him and what he is REALLY like as a person but if there is a slight doubt in your mind about him then it is there for a reason .... i would say " i know i shouldn't look at your mail but it was left around and you are being secretaive etc ..... " but my first thought is perhaps he wanted you to fnd letters so as not to have to tell you and he will either be glad you know and it is out in the open or twist the situation making you feel bad and getting off scott free .... sorry can't really say more ...good luck and look after yourself and kids foremost !!