Help needed urgently!

lovelyloulou

Dear All

I have never posted here before but I really need some help and I couldn't think of anywhere better to post. I know I shouldn't have done it but I looked at some of my boyfriends mail this morning and I have discovered that he is at least £45,000 in debt. I can't believe it. I had absolutley no idea about any of this and I do not know what to do next. We have only been together for around 8 months, and even though he lives with me and my children he is secretive about things in his past. I was really concerned so I resorted to looking at a letter that I knew was in one of his drawers, I then looked at another which was hidden somewhere else. The total of these two letters alone was £45,000 and i'm terrified how much more there may be. Should I confront him and tell him I looked at his mail or should I just leave it and wait and see what happens?? Please help me.

Storm

Without knowing you & your OH it's very difficult to give advise in this situation, but you could maybe open the way to him telling you by talking about your personal money situation - maybe say how you found this website, realised you needed to pay off an overdraft etc. Especially if the letters were put away somewhere he'll know you were deliberately looking for them, so I would try and make the situation where he feels he can bring it up rather than you doing so.

lynzpower

You simply have to be upfront with him.

I would say something like "i opened this in error, and I was astonished, Im hurt you never told me about it, are you ok, only this is quite worrying etc"

He was probably scared to tell you, worried youd leave him there are plenty of secretive partners on these boards who cannot tell thier OHs for fear of what might happen x

Valley's_girl

I agree with Lynz you need to speak to him about it, he probably is scared you will leave . If you don't tell him it will play on your mind.
Good luck!!
ally xx

Shineyhappy

I would do what Storm suggested at first and try and get him to tell you and then if that doesnt work I would tell him you found the letter by accident.

I think it would be nice to give him a chance to come clean of his own accord and if that works you wont have to look like a nosey parker.

Best of luck!

Little_Pickle

hello lovey lovely lovely lou lou!!!

okay, take a deep breath. How you found out does not really matter.
If it's easier for you tell a white lie, then do so, or perhaphs tell him the truth, either way, that's not the important issue here.

The important thing is this is probably going to be the hardest day in the process. You found the letter, you have to tell him you know, he may get upset or angry - only you know what his reaction will be. But believe me - it will not get harder than today.

Tell him that you support him. And that you're a team and it's just some little thing you need to sort out together. Be as supportive as you possibly can. He could very well be feeling embarrassed, alone and scared by his debt - hence, he hasn't told you.

I don't want to speak out of turn here, so forgive me for being blunt, but I'll just say it. Work at it together but be careful. don't take on any of his debt under your name. By all means help him in any other way you can, but as you have been together a quite short amount of time and the debt is not yours, you have to protect yourself and your children.

I hope you aren't offended...and it's probably a bit too far in future to think about yet, but you have to look after yourself and your children.

I really hope that you can both sort this out and by all means please keep us posted.

Thinking of you...
Little Pickle

liz105

if you havent already dont get any joint financial products with him. if he is in trouble with payments your credit file will get shot to pieces too the second you get linked to him financially.