Support needed from fellow shopping addicts!

Missmaterialgirl

Hi all
Just thought I would post on here as I am REALLY trying to get my spending under control and I could do with some support.
Basically, like most 27 year old females, I absolutely adore clothes, beauty products, socialising, and the good life. The trouble is, I have two children, a mortgage, debts to pay off and I am also a student. (Although I do get a bursary and I work) My husband earns a good wage and we JUST ABOUT manage to make payments on everything, but I know that this would be much easier if I could somehow be more easier satisfied with not constantly looking to spend money and knew how to live on a lemonade budget rather than a champagne one...I am not one of these people who think that being a 'shopaholic' is in some way glamorous or a bit of a joke-my debt is keeping me awake at night and causing me alot of anxiety. Aside from that I also really do want to be more independent and sensible with money as when I do manage to do this )e.g with my mortgage and previous debts that Ive paid off) I feel great about myself.
I guess what I am asking for is support, advice and guidance from anyone else who really struggles to change their attitude towards spending and lifestyle. I know I have to do this myself but any support would be greatly appreciated, as well as any practical tips. We are not eligible for any benefits and we already both work so it really is more pshcyological help rather than practical tips that willprobably benefit me.
Thanks in advance xxxxx:A

katsu

Psychology is probably very personal but I have listed out some random thoughts for you, many of which I stick to personally.

Have you tried carrying a picture or something written down that you really want like to be DF or some peaceful image, so you see it when you get your cards out of your purse - to get you to think differently before you buy things?

What about giving yourself a monthly allowance - even if it is only £5 or £10? Make that your guilt free treat money you can spend or splash out (you might need to save it for a new top or whatever but can buy a nail varnish with it). When it's gone... no more until next month no matter how great the bargain or how much you want XYZ.

What about looking in charity shops or on ebay for the things you want, and seeing how cheap you can get them? £5 or £10 goes further in a local cheap CS than Primark and the stuff you buy will last longer.

Clear out your wardrobe and reduce your stash of T Shirts etc - putting things away in a bag or suitcase and getting them out in a few months gives you a change of tops/whatever without buying new. This can feel like a new item or inspire a new look as you see it differently after a while away. Or you could ebay them for cash if they are a decent make, to feed the treat fund?

If you like books, borrow from the library instead of buying. If you like reading glossy mags get the free ones from the supermarkets, train companies etc and sit and read those - you'll be surprised that they have similar articles, just less of them, but also less adverts for perfume and clothes :rotfl: Less to inspire you to buy unless you love homeware etc?

Shop less often - I always buy more than I need but it can't go in my basket if I am not in the store! Targets for X no spend days a month help keep you away from shopping.

Use mysupermarket etc to compare where to go for the best deal in advance, saving money on the things you need to buy, so you get a shopping research fix and see the impact of more money left at the end of the month.

Take to going to cheaper shops like 99p stores, B&M bargains etc so you get your nail polish for £1 instead of £4+ at Boots or the Supermarket.

Have a goal like clearing card X and start PADing (payment a day) or doing things like not buying a starbucks and then putting the extra £2.99 or whatever straight off the card as an extra payment so you can see how it helps reduce the balance over a few months.

Learn to sew so you can customise or remake clothes/bags etc. Distracting you from wanting to buy more perhaps?

Find any other hobbies like jewellery making so again you get the "hit" of new items without the big expense, and have something to put your interest into.

Read Sally Hughes' blog on the guardian or other beauty online sites and then make a list of the cheapest X they recommend or google everywhere to see how cheap you can get it. Save wasting money on bad products.

Take up online surveys and use the vouchers for beauty treats so you have to survey to "afford" the moisturiser/whatever. You can get nearly anything on Amazon and most sites pay in amazon vouchers.

Make a decision to only replace products so you don't buy a new shower gel/body scrub/shampoo/whatever until yours is nearly run out - thereby buying less of whatever you buy often. I was counting some of my makeup and honestly I can't imagine how old I would be before running out of say nail polish and lipsticks. So I know I have lots of choices, so need to think only of adding something really new, not just another red lippie like the other 10+

Have a pamper evening with friends - use up and enjoy products together without buying more. Enjoy the products yourself, by taking time when you use them and review your stash to see what else you can do with it, so you enjoy what you already have.

Hope some of this helps you. I've tried to say why it feels psychologically helpful, as I'm conscious you said you didn't want practical advice. I think I feel what I do and how I think go together.

All the best.

cottage_retreatist

Hi Missmaterialgirl!!!

I'm the same age as you!!!

I agree with above - psychology has everything to do with it!. Naturally I'm very impulsive - if I see something I want it, right there and then, often even if it's not the best thing for me - hence why I'm in so much debt right now!!!! :rotfl:

I saw a great idea to make you think actually how many of your clothes you wear and to encourage you to stop buying excessively which is to turn all your hangers the other way round in your wardrobe - so the loop is on the inside of the rail rather than the outside (if that makes sense?) - when you wear something you can turn that hanger the right way round, after 6 months look at all the clothes that have their hangers still the wrong way round and get rid of them!! If you saw how many clothes you never wore and was able to remember how much they cost you it could make you think how much you 'wasted' on clothes and how few you actually need!

When I feel like some shopping I will fill up a virtual shopping basket on Hobbs (I'm a sucker for Hobbs) or ASOS look at it for a while and then close the window - I've got my kick but I never spent any money!!! It a nasty game to play on yourself but I find that knocks back my cravings. As for walking past shops - thankfully I'm a bit of a hermit so I don't have to worry about the temptation that shops bring!!!

But I hope that helps a bit?
xx

EDIT - i did say get rid of the clothes you haven't worn - i should have said put them of FleaBay!!! Much more moneysaving!!!!!!

Duskylady

I had this problem I spend money on absolute rubbish have nothing to show for it apart from credit card bills. Only way I could fix it was by only carrying 1 bank card. The account is the joint account with my OH and has money paid into it every month, no overdraft, balance is what is left after the bills and savings are paid. My OH has all my credit cards as he doesn't have my spending problem. This means I physically can't overspend. No other rationalisation worked. Even used to use my emergency card so had to be given away. I realise I sound like a child with no willpower but I just can't seem to control the split second decision to spend and it's not worth the risk to give me the access to the credit. All good now though burning through the debt on 0% cards.

LittleMissDetermined

Some great advice already given above, but I used to be like you and buy whatever I wanted rather than what I needed... I can honestly say that over the past 5 months I have not bought an item of clothing at full price.

Look for the 70% off sales, I have picked up loads of bargains in charity shops and off eBay... it's great knowing you've made a steal

You need to switch your 'feel good' factor, from buying something new to 'look at what I've saved'!

You could start a diary on here and give details of your CS/eBay purchases and what you have saved so far... it soon mounts up, believe me!

KT2802

Really helpful tips. Thanks for posting everyone and OP.

I have the same problem and can't seem to get out of it either. I love online shopping and shopping in general. I also love reading beauty blogs and know that that encourages me to shop too. Has all led to me having a shed load of debt and nothing to show for it.

fracturedsun

I think what works is different for everyone but there were two tactics that worked for me: The first which I used whilst I was a student was using cash, withdraw a set amount out that is your going out/fun shopping etc money for the week to use however you wish, but once it's gone it's gone.

The second one which I use nowadays and is in a lot of ways more revealing is to keep a spending diary.... each time I buy something, whether it's a new book, groceries or a sandwich and drink for lunch I note it down. It makes me stop and think before I buy something and also lets me see what I am really spending my money on (it often isn't what you think it is, those small amounts for things like coffee or a snack can really add up... I found I was spending almost as much on that as the actual shopping trip into town).

Missmaterialgirl

Thanks so much everyone fr your support. Its really nice to have some supportive messages and although it's not nice that there are other people in the same situation, the silver lining is that we can all support eachother.
I think in this society, no one talks about money and lives are so busy now that we are all simply expected to be able to pay for things. Its very hard to turn down a social event, especially when my children would love it or we've all worked hard all week, but thats what I guess I will have to do!
I would also like to recommend a FANTASTIC book by Neradine Tisaj called 'How to give up shopping' (what else?!?!) This lady isns a psychologist, financial adviser, or any kind of expert really, but she is someone who adores shopping, finds it hard to say no and basically is very easy to relate to. She was in a lot of debt despite having a good job and she has managedto get her spending under control through mind over matter.Its a fantastic book and the good news is that you can buy it used on amazon for one penny!
Keep the support and tips coming, it's really helpful. Better going on here than the Topshop website....xxxxx

ss3n08

I don't know if it helps but if I really think I want something, I give it a few days and a few sleeps or wait until next pay day. I have usually forgotten about it by then and i I haven't it usually means I do want it so if I can afford it I buy it. I have not bought so much stuff doing this but it's now at the point where I have almost become too frugal. I must buy some new work trousers and some bras but I don't want to spend the money!

LittleMissDetermined

I have to agree with fracturedsun, a spending diary is great to help you curb unnecessary spending... I have used one for the past 7 months and it really helps. Mine is linked with debt payments and saving accounts so I keep a track of everything.

I would also recommend joining the 'A payment a day' thread (https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4629473) for more motivation It doesn't have to be paying off debts, could be saving for that dress you've been after!

LMD x

simeyb

This is a really good thread. For me, the reason that I would spend and what got me into debt was that (for various reasons I won't bore you with) I was desperately unhappy in my relationship - OP - not suggesting this is the same for you at all, but is why I racked up so much debt, compensating for being unhappy. Since being with my new OH, we have had to work through the debt via my DMP but its been fine as we are both so happy, nothing a cruddy card company could throw at us could create an issue.