I've had enough

Distraughtguy

Firstly I would like to apologise for this post ,

I'm 23 years old, I've lost my job and can't find a new one. My partner has left me, I have literally no friends, no social life, nothing to my name at all.

I have no confidence anymore and I dread the thought of having to talk to anyone.

My life has been turnt upside down and I can't take anymore of it.

I've been to my doctor and nervously explained and he's response was what do you want me to do? The answer is I don't know. I don't know why I feel like this, I must just be a weak person.

I don't want to be around anymore, apart from my parents I have nothing to live for and all I keep thinking about is I don't want to be here anymore.

paulineb_2

Ive been through stages in my life where Ive felt at rock bottom, however, suicide is the last thing I would ever do. I lost someone I loved to suicide, he was my mums brother, he had mental health problems most of his life but his death was still a shock.

He went missing, it was a month before his body was found (he drowned himself).

I can only speak from the perspective of someone who has lost a relative to suicide. You never get over it. You feel guilty. You wish you could have done something to stop it. You feel angry. But most of all you feel sad, because you wish that person was still around and I absolutely know if my uncle had known that his death would have devastated us, hed never have done it.

Life isnt a bowl of cherries for some people. Ive been broken hearted, seriously so. Ive been treated badly in jobs. Ive lost jobs. But Id rather battle on than kill myself.

You can make a social life. Ive done it. There are always clubs and places you can go to meet new people. I dont brim with confidence and it took me a long time after a low spell to get back out there.

And I also have unsupportive doctors, I was ill for a long time with work related stress. You might need anti depressants, you might just need life to go ok for a while.

But suicide is a last resort, take every bit of help you can before you ever get to that stage, call the samaritans, go back to your doctor and ask for counselling, medication. Take some steps to help yourself and realise that while life might not be great right now, it will get better.

You have someone to live for, as long as you have people you love and who love you back, you have every reason to go on.

justme111

Hang in there. You do not have to have a job , partner or friends to be worthy. Hugs.

paulineb_2

To be fair, when someone is suffering from depression and it sounds like the OP is, being told to toughen up and other people have it worse, isnt going to help.

Its hard enough admitting you are having suicidal thoughts.
Ive never though about killing myself, ever, because Ive lost someone that way and Id never put anyone I love through it, plus, I always realise, that even when things are grim, theres always something better out there.

Its a brave thing to do to admit you need help, and its the first step in getting better.

mountainofdebt

OP

I (obviously) don't know what your circumstances are but please don't do anything stupid......yes things look bleak now but they won't stay that way forever.

I don't think you are weak - I think you sound like a person who knows that life isn't meant to be like this but don't know how to change it as greater forces are at work.

Have you told your parents how you feel? I know that sounds in itself a daunting task but if there is anyone on this planet you can be honest with its them.

What sort of job did you have? Is there anyway you can use those skills in a volunteering setting whilst you look for another job? At least it would get you out of the house.

And for what's its worth if your partner left you because you lost your job then thank your lucky stars for that ... your soul mate will stick by you through thick and thin.

Distraughtguy

I know there are others who have it worse then me. I dnt want to feel this way I just do.

justme111

Yeah , advice to toughen up when one feels down is about as useful as when you are irritated and someone tells you "calm down". we all know there are people who would have given all to be in the op's position and nit in theirs . But when one is in the op's position he can not see it and telling it hurts someone worse feels like negating his hurt.

tattycath

paulineb wrote: »

Ive been through stages in my life where Ive felt at rock bottom, however, suicide is the last thing I would ever do.

Been there tried that. ( many years ago)
I lost someone I loved to suicide, he was my mums brother, he had mental health problems most of his life but his death was still a shock.

I lost a close friend to suicide. You never do really get over it and I felt terribly guilty -even though it wasn't my fault and no one could have foreseen her next actions. She hung herself.

He went missing, it was a month before his body was found (he drowned himself).

I can only speak from the perspective of someone who has lost a relative to suicide. You never get over it. You feel guilty. You wish you could have done something to stop it. You feel angry. But most of all you feel sad, because you wish that person was still around and I absolutely know if my uncle had known that his death would have devastated us, hed never have done it.

Life isnt a bowl of cherries for some people. Ive been broken hearted, seriously so. Ive been treated badly in jobs. Ive lost jobs. But Id rather battle on than kill myself.

True, I'd never try that again-too much life ahead of me

You can make a social life. Ive done it. There are always clubs and places you can go to meet new people. I dont brim with confidence and it took me a long time after a low spell to get back out there.

I don't have any true friends IRL not where I live or close by. Where there is life there's hope.

And I also have unsupportive doctors, I was ill for a long time with work related stress. You might need anti depressants, you might just need life to go ok for a while.

But suicide is a last resort, take every bit of help you can before you ever get to that stage, call the samaritans, go back to your doctor and ask for counselling, medication. Take some steps to help yourself and realise that while life might not be great right now, it will get better.

You have someone to live for, as long as you have people you love and who love you back, you have every reason to go on.

Totally agree with this post. I've interjected in between your paragraphs, hope you don't mind.

penelopedee_2

Hun, please give yourself a break! You are feeling down so be nice to yourself x

It is ok to be living with your parents and for them to be very important to you and your world. If they love and support you, why wouldn't it be.

Cut yourself some slack, you feel you are going through a hard time. That is ok, let the feeling pass and then start picking up again on what feels good.

Without trying to be like some patronising git, sometimes just getting out of the house and doing the boring like going for a walk thing gets you thinking and feeling about things outside of home and life.

Take it steady and be nice to yourself x

XXJULESXX

I definitely second going back to the doctor and asking for some medication and counselling. I can imagine it took you alot of courage to go and see your doctor for help. its such a shame that his response was so short of the help you were looking for. Right now your thoughts are all negative so inevitably you are drowning in this darkness. Please don't give up without giving yourself every chance. The Samaritans do a wonderful job and don't judge you. Lean on them until you gather the strength to make another doctor appointment. It could help change your life. Good luck x

paulineb_2

Distraughtguy wrote: »

I know there are others who have it worse then me. I dnt want to feel this way I just do.

You may think Im talking out of my backside, but things will improve. My gran lost her brother to suicide, my mum lost her brother to suicide (schizophrenia runs in the male side of my family, thankfully my brother is ok).

My uncle was a clever, talented person, he was an english teacher and a writer. My family have had it tough, very tough. My gran lost both her brothers young, her other brother was killed in a car crash, her husband died young and I remember my mum telling me after my uncle died, that was the point where she felt she couldnt go on (my gran). And every time I feel sorry for myself I think of her, she was the strongest person I know and she died suddenly from a stroke 2 years ago. She loved life, she was just happy to be alive and to have family (us) who cared about her.

But she did go on. All i can say is, having lost someone I loved that way, you never ever get over it. Theres a great big black space where my uncle used to be. I used to think about him every day, I dont now, but hes always there.

His funeral was jam packed. He always said, and he had his lonely times, there would be no one at his funeral. And there were hundreds. People I didnt even know were doing readings and crying their eyes out because he was dead.

Life isnt always easy. Its testing, we get dumped, we get sacked, we have money worries, we get lonely and sometimes its soul destroying.

But things change. Im not the same person I was at 24 (Im 44). Ive had my good times, rough times, times where I though no one would care if I lived or died. But thats not true.

Its horrible when someone you love leaves you. But thats also life. And if you do feel you are suffering from depression, tell people you trust, tell your family.

You only get one life. Kill yourself and you'll leave people to pick up the pieces and they'll never get over it.

And you might have another year or two where everything is challenging, Ive been there. But it might take something really simple to pick you up, meeting new people, going out more.

I spent 2011 sitting in the house because I didnt have the confidence, my gran had also just died. But last year (and 2012 was a challenging one), I made myself go out. I joined the site meet up, met new people (and I dont brim with confidence). I met new people who knew nothing about me, nothing about anything Ive ever gone through in life (and I appreciate its not easy when you dont have loads of cash, I dont either) and even getting out of the house twice a month, or once a month, it makes all the difference.

Sometimes you need to fake confidence, you need to steel yourself to go out and speak to people when you would rather pull that duvet over your head.

If you really feel terrible, get back to your GP and ask him for help, proper help. And please believe me when I say what you are going through will pass, it will.