James & Shell Have split help needed

James&Shell

\hi guys and girls just wanted any advice that you can give me as we have finally realised we are not ment to be together.

We have one child Lewis who will be two in july.

we want this split to behave in a grown up way

Does anyone have any suggestions ?

I have said that i will pay for any of the bils up to and including early next week to help her out.

How much should i pay for lewis per month.

I want to pay the right amout for him but im unsure.

Any help would be brilliant.

James:mad:

Sea78

So sorry to hear this

I would definitely suggest going for family mediation - will help you set everything out and will also mean that you'll both agree on a proper amount (which is very personal and will depend on both your circumstances) as well as sorting out when you'll see Lewis etc. Obviously, it's amicable and grown up now, but this might change frther down the line and you still have to deal with the whole relationship ending as well. This might help the two to become separate and not used in anyway -iyswim?

Not sure what else to advise, so sorry to hear that you're not staying together. I'm sure lots will have really good advice for you.

Sea xx

hypno06

Oh James, I was sorry to read about the split. Hugs coming all the way from the other end of the Acle Straight.....:grouphug:

On practical terms I don't really have anything to suggest as I am not clued up on these things. There will be loads of people who can give you the support that you need before too long I am sure.

Keep strong x

GirlRacer_2

Hi James, really sorry to hear about you and shell, it's going to be a tough few months and even though, as Sea states, you want it to be amicable, more often than not it can turn nasty. I do agree with what Sea has said about the mediation and agreeing on a set amount every month.

When relationships break down it often gets nasty because of money issues and once this is agreed, maybe it can be kept amicable.

Hope everything goes well for you.

James&Shell

Thanks for that we wll get things running in the long run,

I think we both new that it was going to end and i think we are both suprised that we lasted as long as we did.

Ive moved back in with my parents for the next few months till i can put enouh money aside to find somewhere else.

James&Shell

Thanks for that Hypno and girl racer.

I just dont want her to feel as though he is going with out.

We have said we dont want to go throgh the csa

Do you have to inform the CSA?


it never rains it pours.

Sea78

You don't have to inform the CSA - that's really only when one parent is refusing to pay or is messing about. With mediation (so I gather) it's set out in a semi formal way so both of you are sure of what is required and can then take it further if one of you messes about, which probably won't happen anyway.

Sea xx

hypno06

I don't know anything about the CSA, perhaps a trip to the CAB might be worthwhile?

chunky79

Sorry to hear about your situation James x:grouphug:

My brother pays £200 a month for his 2 girls but by standing order, just incase things did go pair shaped so he could prove he did provide. he helps when he can towards swimming lessons he pays for every other one and he also helps out with school uniform too.

Snaggles

Sorry to hear you have split up. I agree with what has been said so far - although it is amicable and you feel you can sort it out between yourselves, involving a third party (such as with family mediation) will give you some neutral ground and hopefully enable you to keep things amicable, as it's so easy for resentment and anger to flare up when a relationship breaks down.

piglet6

Hi James - sorry that you and Shell have decided to go your separate ways...

The important thing is that you obviously both recognise that Lewis is the most important person in this decision, so well done for that, and I hope that you will continue to put his interests first going forward...you sound like great parents!

Good luck for the future - it may be worth trying for some professional advice (I don't think that you "need" to take professional advice in these circumstances, but who knows what good advice they might throw up in the circumstances...after all, they see this sort of thing every day, so have lots of experience in these situations?!).

Piglet