Don't know what to do!

Confused01

Person_one wrote: »

So he finishes work at 5pm on Friday, but doesn't come back to yours until Sunday evening? He stays with them Friday and Saturday night every single weekend?

Pretty much.

He phones me when he gets there just to say the usual "got here safely" thing, then he'll phone me before he goes to sleep, and then before he sets off to come back on Sunday, so we do keep in contact.

FBaby

Confused01 wrote: »

where as he's traveled around a bit so doesn't really have "roots" so to speak.

Yet, at 30, he still goes back to mummy and daddy without fail every Friday night to Monday morning? Really? So close to his parents that he can't announced that his lovely girlfriend is pregnant. So close, but mummy and daddy don't care much to get to know that girlfriend better?

I don't know if he is in a secret relationship. I agree that his leaving his mobile around is a very good sign that he isn't (unless he has two phones and the other one is nowhere for you to see), but regardless of this, something doesn't ring right at all with the scenario above. Something IS not right, what it is is another matter.

Confused01

lazer wrote: »

There is a differnce between living together unmarried and raising a child together unmarried.

I think for people that are open minded, non traditional and non religious it can be difficult to understand how others view things.

My own parents are practising catholics as am I, and never lived with my now husband before marriage - although he did spend a lot of time at my house and vice versa, and I don't think my parents would have minded us living together before marriage but would have been disapproving if we had a child unmarried.

All very true.

The first thing my dad asked is if we were going to get married!

FBaby

Confused01 wrote: »

Pretty much.

He phones me when he gets there just to say the usual "got here safely" thing, then he'll phone me before he goes to sleep, and then before he sets off to come back on Sunday, so we do keep in contact.

And you've never ever been suspicious about this? Does he tell you what he actually does during these long week-ends? Who else stays with their mum and dad for 48 hours unless they need care? Surely he would have told you if that was the case? I have never ever known anyone who goes back to their parents every single week-end, pass the age of 20ish once they have their own place. Most avoid it like the plague, even when they adore their parents!

valk_scot

Are you going to get married?

In an ideal world he's going to realise what a numpty he's being, tell his parents who ideally will be thrilled and then you'll get your joint act together and start planning re joint flat, joint life to support the baby and possibly marriage too. Realistically? You need to sit him down, look him squarely in the eyes and tell him how upset and disappointed you are about his refusing to tell his parents and that right, this weekend it's going to happen. And if not, why not? And he'd better make it good.

I personally think he's just being a bit thoughtless, perhaps a bit shocked at the pregnancy and using this bit with his parents as a way of almost pretending that this is for real. maybe he thinks his mum is going to start bullying him into getting married, or that she'll move in on both your lives with the excuse of the baby. Maybe he's just being a bit immature? Anyhow, I think you're got a perfect right her to give him a bit of a prod/kick up the !!!!, it takes two to make a baby and it would be nice if he started getting a bit more pro-active re the planning.

Confused01

valk_scot wrote: »

Are you going to get married?

In an ideal world he's going to realise what a numpty he's being, tell his parents who ideally will be thrilled and then you'll get your joint act together and start planning re joint flat, joint life to support the baby and possibly marriage too. Realistically? You need to sit him down, look him squarely in the eyes and tell him how upset and disappointed you are about his refusing to tell his parents and that right, this weekend it's going to happen. And if not, why not? And he'd better make it good.

I personally think he's just being a bit thoughtless, perhaps a bit shocked at the pregnancy and using this bit with his parents as a way of almost pretending that this is for real. maybe he thinks his mum is going to start bullying him into getting married, or that she'll move in on both your lives with the excuse of the baby. Maybe he's just being a bit immature? Anyhow, I think you're got a perfect right her to give him a bit of a prod/kick up the !!!!, it takes two to make a baby and it would be nice if he started getting a bit more pro-active re the planning.

Ideally, if it all works out ok, I would at some point like to get married, I can' speak for him but he has asked things in the past like would I keep my own name.

I have broached the subject of not telling his parents more than once and it's always been the fact that he thinks his mum would take over or she'd be around all the time. The first time I asked he said he would tell her if I wanted but be prepared for her to practically invade my life!

19lottie82

Confused01 wrote: »

The first time I asked he said he would tell her if I wanted but be prepared for her to practically invade my life!

OK, so tell him you DO want him to tell her, with you by his side.

I fail to see how she could practically invade your life due to the distance between you.

Seriously OP, you need to put your foot down on this one. If he still persists, then I'd start to worry.

Confused01

Thank you all for all the advice given so far, I feel better just by getting it out there instead of festering away in my head.

When he finishes work today, I will be sitting down and having a talk with him.

FBaby

Confused01 wrote: »

The first time I asked he said he would tell her if I wanted but be prepared for her to practically invade my life!

No offense but how insulting!! So if she discovers you are pregnant, she will want to invade your life, but when you are not, you are not worthy of getting to know? How lovely! And he is happy to spend every week-end with such a delight person? Either he is telling the truth and totally under her thumb, which is very concerning if you do want to commit to such a person, or he is totally having you on.

SavingPennies_2

Good luck op. hopefully its just a case of him needing a kick up the bum.

One last thing, at this stage I dont think the mother issue is a priority. I think the first thing to sort out is living arrangements, ideally you want to be living together full time as a family before baby arrives?