Don't know what to do!

Kayalana99

Person_one wrote: »

She's only met his family once even though he gets on with them and visits weekly, he won't tell them about the baby even though she wants him to, and when pushed about her visiting he tells her she can't because she doesn't like motorways, even though she travels on them to visit other people.

Sorry, still sounds fishy to me. Maybe not secret family fishy (and I know a real life case too, so clearly not as uncommon as all that!) but definitely a distinct whiff.

I'm unclear about his working hours OP, could you clarify where and what days he works?

Some people are like that though regarding family...what if the london and travel was taken out...and his family lived say 15min drive away but he didn't take her because she was with her family on weekend and he was with his?

My Ex didn't introduce me to his Mum untill we was about 8 months in because he was embrassed about the fact she had 6 kids..and never spoke about his family/sisters/brothers untill afterwards ofc...he seemed very suprized I was ok about it even though I'm not a judgemental person at all

podperson

I do think there are plausible explanations. He could be telling the truth and is worried about his mum being over-excited and trying to get too involved in things. On the other hand he might fear they may initially be a bit disapproving, eg because it's a relatively new relationship/not married etc. Are they quite traditional?

At the end of the day we can probably think of dozens of 'reasons' why he may not want to tell her yet - but we're never going to know for sure. The only way to do that is to sit down with him and tell him straight how much this is upsetting you. If he thinks in his own way then he's protecting you from his mum's reaction then he probably has no idea that you're seeing things in the complete opposite way.
But whatever the reason, if you're going to be having a child together soon then you need to start communicating any issues you have with each other rather than letting it fester while you worry about possible scenarios.

lazer

OP - is is nervous about telling his parents becasue they are religious or would object to you having a child not married - or perhaps put pressure on him to marry you or something similar?

Person_one

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Some people are like that though regarding family...what if the london and travel was taken out...and his family lived say 15min drive away but he didn't take her because she was with her family on weekend and he was with his?

My Ex didn't introduce me to his Mum untill we was about 8 months in because he was embrassed about the fact she had 6 kids..and never spoke about his family/sisters/brothers untill afterwards ofc...he seemed very suprized I was ok about it even though I'm not a judgemental person at all

But...she has met them, they've been introduced, and she wants to see them more and has included him in Sundays with her family.

Its odd, sorry, but I think she's absolutely right to be worried. If there's embarrassment or anything like that going on then now is the time for him to tell her and open up about it because they're having a baby! Things just moved up several gears!

Confused01

Person_one wrote: »

She's only met his family once even though he gets on with them and visits weekly, he won't tell them about the baby even though she wants him to, and when pushed about her visiting he tells her she can't because she doesn't like motorways, even though she travels on them to visit other people.

Sorry, still sounds fishy to me. Maybe not secret family fishy (and I know a real life case too, so clearly not as uncommon as all that!) but definitely a distinct whiff.

I'm unclear about his working hours OP, could you clarify where and what days he works?

He works Monday to Friday from 8-5, pretty much smack bang in the middle London.


lostinrates;

I haven't gone to my dad a few times but he still goes to his parents.


burnoutbabe;

He has said a few times he wants to try and get a job closer to Luton so it would be easier, I've been settled up here for a good few years where as he's traveled around a bit so doesn't really have "roots" so to speak. I did offer finding somewhere mid way between London and Luton but he's come to like how things are in the area and the slightly slower pace of life.

Confused01

lazer wrote: »

OP - is is nervous about telling his parents becasue they are religious or would object to you having a child not married - or perhaps put pressure on him to marry you or something similar?

Possible!

If I remember correctly his parents are Roman Catholic (as is my dad) although none of them are actively practicing.

Mojisola

podperson wrote: »

On the other hand he might fear they may initially be a bit disapproving, eg because it's a relatively new relationship/not married etc. Are they quite traditional?

They know he doesn't live with them during the week. If they know that he's living with her, they must realise the couple sleep together.

Or is he lying to them and they think he still lives in his flat?

Person_one

Confused01 wrote: »

He works Monday to Friday from 8-5, pretty much smack bang in the middle London.

So he finishes work at 5pm on Friday, but doesn't come back to yours until Sunday evening? He stays with them Friday and Saturday night every single weekend?

lazer

Mojisola wrote: »

They know he doesn't live with them during the week. If they know that he's living with her, they must realise the couple sleep together.

Or is he lying to them and they think he still lives in his flat?

There is a differnce between living together unmarried and raising a child together unmarried.

I think for people that are open minded, non traditional and non religious it can be difficult to understand how others view things.

My own parents are practising catholics as am I, and never lived with my now husband before marriage - although he did spend a lot of time at my house and vice versa, and I don't think my parents would have minded us living together before marriage but would have been disapproving if we had a child unmarried.

Mojisola

lazer wrote: »

I don't think my parents would have minded us living together before marriage but would have been disapproving if we had a child unmarried.

It's going away from the opening post but that would be a very strange stance to take.

Sleeping together before marriage and contraception are both against RC beliefs but they wouldn't mind those things but would be upset if a baby came along?