Last minute changes...mother issues

misssaver12

My OH and I are paying for the majority of our budget wedding.

My issue is my mother, she has become a controlling nightmare.. She keeps adding people to the event, we kept it small to keep cost down and she keeps inviting people she wants rather than we want just this evening another person and the wedding is 2 weeks away.... We had spent today doing seating plans and favours..to now have to do another one. We ordered food items over 2 weeks ago and am now short.
She has made the preparations for the wedding stressful for me to the point I considered cancelling it.
She has taken over control of the reception room so we have to wait for her to arrive to get in to decorate. I considered looking for an alternative venue and booking it but it's such late stage now.

I have several times attempted to talk to her about her attitude but she does not want to know and I am worried sick that she will cause a scene during the day. This caused arguments with OH about my attitude to her until I put her on speaker phone and he heard how she was behaving and has spoken to her as well.
I was going to spend the night before with them at their home but I know I will not sleep and so OH and I have booked a house to stay in, breaking my tradition of being apart the night before.
She and my family keep telling me not to stress about the wedding but they seem to fail to understand this is my OH and my day...we want it our way, which is why we have insisted in paying for it all
and in fact the only stress is coming directly from them.

Sorry just need a rant before I sink into tears again. I feel that the
most memorable day of my life has the likiness of being ruined by her.... is it worth upsetting my mother which she will hold as a grudge for life, for one day which i want to be my and my OH
special day.

toerag33

Hugs to you.
I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions that are helpful.

toerag33

Skintski

Time you reminded her whose day it is. I wouldn't stand for that, you're only going to do this once so its worth putting your foot down.

Timpu

Is there a member of the family or perhaps a family friend you can approach to have a word with your Mum for you? They might be able to help your Mum see things from your side.

I agree with Skintski also, you need to start putting your foot down and protecting what you and your OH want. You're a new family unit and your Mum needs to respect want you and OH chose. It's your marriage not hers.

If you're concerned about your Mum making a fuss on the day can you try and pre-empt it? How about speaking to a few close friends who are attending who can keep an eye on her and intervene to rescue any such situation if necessary?

I suspect your Mum is going to go into charming MOB mode on your day and will not fuss.

As to any further changes, such as more new guests, simply say it's too late a you've no more money. You can even say the caterers cannot accept any changes at this late stage, food is already short.

Whatever happens, you're getting married to a man who clearly loves and supports you and nothing is changing that.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Just say 'NO'.

'No' this person is not invited

'No' we have already ordered the food

'No' you are not controlling the reception room - we are in charge and will be decorating at x o'clock not waiting for you to swan in.

misssaver12

I wish it was that easy.

Thank you for the support. I am relieved to find that I am not the only one as it felt like. No one seems to want to talk about it but today a collegue mentioned how tired I was looking so I briefly told them about it and they said, sounds my like mum was for our wedding.. And that they had a few harsh words and lots of methods to deal with it but importantly they stood together as a couple ...and the mother calmed down after it was all over.

Me saying no seems to make her more determined to cause hassle. My OH saying no means she instantly backs down and agrees with him so OH has now suggested that if I need to respond to her, he will do it and Timpu your very right, I am marrying a man who very much loves me and supports me over it all....Regarding food, we argued with my family over having an expensive sit down meal (
they wanted ) and takeout fish shop (we wanted) which we won in the end due to cost..and the caterer is flexible and can add or take as we need...just as well but they know that so it would not work.

Unfortunately my mother with not go into charming mode on the day...I have began now to see her previous attempts to ruin other family members wedding that she barely talks to my sister in law and she did the same sort of things to my sister but it's only now my sister has told me. I have forwarned the photographer she will be difficult and just to ignore her, attempt pictures only when she least expects it and to ignore any comments made.
The best charmer for her on the day will be my OH...poor him. I aim to keep away from her as much as possible and enjoy the experience without letting her get me down and win, how I will do that I am not yet sure...

misssaver12

Well it all went a lot better than I thought ! The photographer even got a picture of my mother smiling....

Was a few issues and mostly caused by her but at the end of the day I had a fantastic day yesterday and married a wonderful man....
Even some guests commented about how moaning she was being on the day and I realised that it was her issue...why ruin my day for me.

All the best to you all getting married.

Georgiegirl256

Congratulations! Glad you had a fantastic day!

ska_lover

YAYYYYYYYYY Really pleased it all went well xxxxxxxxxxxxx