How do you know when it's over?

madison-nyc

Thank you for all the further replies, all very constructive. Well, things have taken a different direction today. After dropping the kids of at school I bit the bullet and started 'the chat', I asked him if he was happy and he said yes but the fact that I'm unhappy is making him unhappy. I said that I feel the situation is not fair on any of us and did he have any suggestion sor thoughts on what we should do? he just asked if I wanted to work at it, I said I don't know how as we've been through all this before and tried things like date nights, weekends away without the kids, both getting hobbies, me starting college etc. to try and rebuild but nothing has actually changed between us. He just didn't say anything and went upstairs to put washing away. I went out for a drive to think. We've spoke via text, which I actually find easier as i just get upset when we talk face to face and it's ended with me suggesting that we need some time apart as I don't want to make an rash decisions and we'll see how we go. So he's gone to his mom's for a couple of weeks. I'm not sure how I feel right now apart from sick to my stomach :0/ I think this needs to be done, it's the only way for me actually to see how I feel for sure. very scarey though and I'm not looking foward to talking to the kids. I thik I'm just going to say he's working tonight to give me a bit of breathing room.

Scorpio33

madison-nyc wrote: »

Thank you for all the further replies, all very constructive. Well, things have taken a different direction today. After dropping the kids of at school I bit the bullet and started 'the chat', I asked him if he was happy and he said yes but the fact that I'm unhappy is making him unhappy. I said that I feel the situation is not fair on any of us and did he have any suggestion sor thoughts on what we should do? he just asked if I wanted to work at it, I said I don't know how as we've been through all this before and tried things like date nights, weekends away without the kids, both getting hobbies, me starting college etc. to try and rebuild but nothing has actually changed between us. He just didn't say anything and went upstairs to put washing away. I went out for a drive to think. We've spoke via text, which I actually find easier as i just get upset when we talk face to face and it's ended with me suggesting that we need some time apart as I don't want to make an rash decisions and we'll see how we go. So he's gone to his mom's for a couple of weeks. I'm not sure how I feel right now apart from sick to my stomach :0/ I think this needs to be done, it's the only way for me actually to see how I feel for sure. very scarey though and I'm not looking foward to talking to the kids. I thik I'm just going to say he's working tonight to give me a bit of breathing room.

Good luck with everything - no matter what happens I am sure you will both be happy in the long run.

aileth

madison-nyc wrote: »

Thank you for all the further replies, all very constructive. Well, things have taken a different direction today. After dropping the kids of at school I bit the bullet and started 'the chat', I asked him if he was happy and he said yes but the fact that I'm unhappy is making him unhappy. I said that I feel the situation is not fair on any of us and did he have any suggestion sor thoughts on what we should do? he just asked if I wanted to work at it, I said I don't know how as we've been through all this before and tried things like date nights, weekends away without the kids, both getting hobbies, me starting college etc. to try and rebuild but nothing has actually changed between us. He just didn't say anything and went upstairs to put washing away. I went out for a drive to think. We've spoke via text, which I actually find easier as i just get upset when we talk face to face and it's ended with me suggesting that we need some time apart as I don't want to make an rash decisions and we'll see how we go. So he's gone to his mom's for a couple of weeks. I'm not sure how I feel right now apart from sick to my stomach :0/ I think this needs to be done, it's the only way for me actually to see how I feel for sure. very scarey though and I'm not looking foward to talking to the kids. I thik I'm just going to say he's working tonight to give me a bit of breathing room.

If you have problem talking face to face, can I suggest something that really helped me with an OH who cannot talk face to face? Write him a letter with EVERYTHING in. Take as many pages as possible. Talk about your true feelings, what you want etc. Give it to him maybe if he comes to see the kids to take back to read in his own time. It might give him a new perspective on things.

madison-nyc

well I have never felt so much guilt as I have these past two days. DH has dropped the kids off earlier and left a letter for me on the side. basically begging me to have him back home and how much he misses me and that even if I don;t love him he wants to come back etc etc.

Who said it was kinda to let him go?? doesn'y feel it right now

marisco_2

Op your husband and yourself have both bravely decided upon giving each other some space, in order to try and think things through thoroughly, so as to avoid making any rash life changing decisions about your marriage. To forego this time and opportunity to really assess where your relationship is at would not be wise. You would be reverting back to the patterns your relationship has followed thus far. If you don't change what you do and how you approach things, then your life together will not change or improve, you will both be back at square one in no time. Give it more time and allow yourself to decide what you really want. This is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and your husband.

If you do decide that you want to give your relationship another chance and to try again, I think you would both really benefit from seeking counselling. A trained third party can enable and guide a couple to communicate with each other effectively and to understand each others opinions and perspectives. I wish you a lot of luck and strength because I can understand the difficult position you are in and how hard and heart breaking it feels.