work and stress issues

[Deleted User]

y life without the sickening worry of current role.


We are not extravagant people, we don’t have debt’s or high outgoings, only the mortgage.

unlikelyheroine

It sounds like you need to move on and get another job. Are you looking around at other roles before you leave this one? I think you are saying you have been too stressed out and tired to do that but worrying about getting another job is also very stressful indeed, particularly whilst unemployed.

Sounds like you have been under a lot of stress but I'm not quite sure I understood all of your post - between 5.30pm and 7pm is not late to arrive home from an office job and it is about the time most people do, I'm not sure why it affected your sleep? Were you starting very early?

mumonashoestring

unlikelyheroine wrote: »

Sounds like you have been under a lot of stress but I'm not quite sure I understood all of your post - between 5.30pm and 7pm is not late to arrive home from an office job and it is about the time most people do, I'm not sure why it affected your sleep? Were you starting very early?

Stress alone can ruin your sleep patterns. It certainly isn't normal or healthy to arrive home from work at a normal time and effectively pass out asleep. Especially if you're falling into a sleep that you wake from suddenly in the middle of the night.

I think you need to consider two things. One is to sit down with your loved ones (anyone who you'll be having an impact on if you earn less) and have an open and honest discussion about the effect this job is having on you and whether you can afford to be earning a bit less. My husband left his previous job due to stress and even though he didn't have another job lined up it was the best thing he could have done. He temped until he could find another permanent job and because we had talked it over we both went into the situation prepared to be short of money for a few months. Most importantly I got my husband back instead of the miserable, ill shadow I'd been living with.

The second thing you could consider would be looking into your employer's grievance procedure but you're going to have to be careful to separate your manager's behaviour from your reaction to it initially and make sure you raise the grievance about specific, demonstrable points of poor/inadequate management practices.

andrewjf

Sounds like quite a toxic and pressurised work environment if they are so intolerant of mistakes. Everyone makes them at some point. Do any of your colleagues feel the same way regarding the work load? Have you discussed the situation with any of them?

theoretica

Have you considered going to HR instead of your line manager and asking to be referred to occupational health? They may well be able to arrange a new line manager and genuine reduction in workload as they will not want you on long term sick leave either.

gibson123

Well done for recognising that things need to change and turning to family. This is a good sign. Now take advise and speak to your doctor and explain how you are feeling,you will not be able to tackle anything about your situation until you deal with the symptons of stress, sleeplessness and exhaustion. Once you feel stronger you will be in a better place to tackle these issues.

Wyndham

Go to your GP. Go as soon as you can.

Being signed off is not the only answer. I've been feeling very stressed recently, and spending lots of time crying and dreading going in to work. Saw my GP on Wednesday, got some beta blockers, and I'm a new person. I don't want to be on them long term, but they have relaxed me enough to get a couple of decent night's sleep, and that has made the world of difference.

I'm also seeing a counsellor, who I was referred to through occupational health. She's brilliant at helping me, and has given me two things which I'll pass on to you (and anyone else who may benefit).

The first one is about breathing. Sit quietly, or lay down, and breath in fully, so you feel your stomach move, then breath out. Do it slowly. Even a couple of those can help, but try to make time to do it for a few minutes at a time, and you'll be amazed.

The second one is about being in 'the now'. Which is about acknowleging your surroundings and where you currently are instead of letting your mind race ahead to the next day or something you're worried about, or to sit fretting about something you've done. I admit I'm still struggling with this one!

I'm not saying I'm better, but I'm much better than I was a month ago, or even a couple of weeks ago. Part of it for me was accepting that I am ill, and that I need help - not always easy to do, and it sounds like you are not that sort of person at all. But sometimes it's OK to surrender to it.

PM me if it would help?

Yorkie1

If you are signed off work with work-related stress, they have to take it very seriously. Your near-breakdown in 2012 put your employer on notice that they had to take extra care of you, but they failed in that duty of care towards you.

Don't just resign. You won't get any sick pay while you recuperate if you do that. You'll get 6 months on full pay, then 6 months on half pay if your scheme is like many in the central public sector.

Work will probably refer you to Occupational Health within probably about 4 weeks, and when they do, make sure you tell the OH doctor exactly the history of everything.

If the mistake is as bad as you say, then if there is no apparent explanation then you might be looking at disciplinary proceedings. As the mistake could have been triggered by their breach of duty of care towards you, that can put a very different complexion on things.

Your health is more important than a job. Who knows what might happen as a result of OH recommendations?

[Deleted User]

thbot want to go sick as matter of peinciple.....but agreed to take annual leave. but, it is true workload was not reduced, but increased.

should the LM have done more?

thanks again.

Caroline_a

I would agree that those hours aren't excessive. I work in the private sector, on average do a 10 hour day and my manager works a lot longer hours than that! Having worked in the public sector, I found that in this sector many people expect to work 9 - 5 and cannot cope with anything that falls outside these parameters.

I would agree that a visit to your doctors may be beneficial, but additionally if you originally found the work to be too much you should have flagged this up straight away rather than drowning and not coping.

If you resign you will probably find it very difficult to get another job - the first question of 'why did you leave your last job' will flag huge concerns with a new employer.

I would make a list of what you are not coping with - I'm sure we've all been in the position of having too much to do, and spending our time worrying about it rather than getting on with it - I know I have! I now meet my work head on, prioritise the important parts, complete those first and then go on to the next ones. Break the tasks down into bite-sized chunks, it makes it seem much more manageable. And if you don't finish what you intended to do, then tomorrow is another day! If you are not coping after a week then ask for help - have a list ready of that which you have completed to show your manager and ask how you could have done more. His/her response may show you a new way of working.

UnderTheBridge

At the very least it sounds like you need a break. If you don't get your head screwed on straight and get back into an emotionally strong place, you will continue to unravel. Do whatever you think you need to do to get there. Only you can answer that question. It may be therapy, it may be a mountain retreat, etc.