Best piece of advice?

Zulu_Dawn

I have a huge debt, well into six figures and have spent the weekend thinking of little else. I feel like I am already doing everything I can to keep my spending under control and earn the most money I can to try and put a hole into my debt, but at the moment I find it hard to see an end to this hideous problem and am feeling very low.

I'm therefore looking for inspiration.

For those of you who have already got their debt under control, if there was one piece of advice you could pass on to help us DFWs, what would it be?

Many thanks for any help.:T

ZD

GirlRacer_2

Keep a spending diary - most definitely

ms_london

I think you need to be armed with as much information as you can. Know EXACTLY how much you owe & who to, and then start to look into some solutions!!

You could post a SOA (statement of affairs) to get some advice on your current spending habits?

I think the biggest thing is to face up to your debts & deal with them accordingly (whichever route that may be!). You have done the worst part by coming here, now you need to tackle them head on.

You need to work out what you can afford to repay & put these proposals forward to your creditors - some or all may ask for a copy of the above SOA - so be prepared.

Perhaps speak to the CCCS or Citizens Advice?

xx

Karmacat

Hi ZD
Totally agree with what's been posted above, but I'd also say that you need to take time out from thinking about it all. At over £100,000, you're in it for the long haul, and you need time each weekend doing something other than thinking about debts - preferably each day, actually, just a little while. I don't mean things that cost money - look at your own sig for part of what I mean! There's also the time on your own - whether you spend time doing visualisations of rainbows while deep breathing, or a jog and a bodyrub in the shower. There have been quite a few threads about burnout recently, and I think these two elements are really important - a little time with friends, a little time on our own, to heal the soul.

Zulu_Dawn

Thank you all for your comments.

I have been living with this for some time now. I think my lightbulb moment was last June. I have spoken to CCCS and now have a self administered DMP which has been running smoothly since the Autumn. I think the main problem is that I am paying back more than I can afford. This is not really to creditors but more to family members. Please don't ask me to stop paying this as they bailed me out when I was in desperate straits and I would rather not eat than not pay them back. The trouble is that that might become a reality!

Also my debt came about through a long period of gambling followed by lies and deceit. My wife has known about things for six months and is standing by me, thank God. However she is not really willing (and who can blame her) to make the kind of sacrifices I think we need to get through this. We therefore have a situation where she is still shopping at Boden, Kew and Jigsaw and having her nails and hair done at reasonably expensive places. She is working incredibly hard and has taken on additional work and I don't begrudge her some pleasure in her life. I just find it hard when I feel she wastes money because a) I can't really say anything as I've wasted tens of thousands and b) every penny is now so precious to us.

We also exist in quite a wealthy world and every weekend spend time with friends who are buying new cars, extending their properties or showing us photos of the latest trip to Disneyland and sometimes all three. Although it is all my fault and my situation is entirely self-generated, it can be quite depressing and stressful and with such a large debt, the end seems a long way off.

On the plus side I don't gamble any more and attend GA. I also have a good job....and of course I still have a wife and family.


Anyway I'm starting to ramble.

I get a lot out of this site and thanks again for your comments.


ZD

pania

ZD,

It really doesn't matter what got you into this debt. the fact that you have faced up to an addiction, sorted it out, confronted your financial issues and so want to pay it all back deserves the highest commendation that there is.

Are your friends aware of the situation? if so it feels a little unfair that they are rubbing your nose in it like this. If not then please don't feel guilty when being paraded around their expensive luxuries, my bet is they extended the mortgage to get the extension built, bought the expensive car on finance and probably whacked the disneyland trip on the credit card!!
they are building their debt while you are cutting yours. which would you rather be doing? cutting it i bet!

Your wife is standing by you, fantastic, but is she supporting you? i'm going through all this with my OH right now, he knows about my debt, knows what caused it and says he will support me to get it paid off, but he still spends £30 a week on ebay purchases and bought a new car!!
I
f your wife would recognise the physical toll this is all taking on you, ie the stress of paying everyone back, worrying about feeding your family, then she really should be willing to cut back on the luxuries, even for a few months. I used to have my nails done, (back when i could do things like that) for £45-60 a go. i bought a french manicure set in boots for £4.99, 1 year on i still have it, my nails look great and i've saved god only knows how much!:T it isn't the treats that make a woman feel good, more how she looks and feels on the inside. talk to her, see f she'll be willing to even just leave out jigsaw for now, you maybe suprised at what she says!

Good luck to you ZD, anything i can do just shout.
xx

immoral_angeluk

Be positive. There IS a way out even if it doesn't look that way now. If you've got your health and people who love you then don't let money drag you down. Easier said than done I know but you have to praise yourself for achievements no matter how small.

Zulu_Dawn

Thanks everyone.

I am trying to stay positive. This forum certainly helps.

Cheers all,

ZD

joeblack066

ZD, post an SOA as suggested, and let the wonderful people on here help you to free up some hard earhed cash to throw at your debt. Also, love the signature....'It's A Wonderful Life'.Clarence to George Bailey, right? Good Luck!

moonlightpjs

Hi ZD
Every payment you make with your DMP is a great acheivement and every time you make that payment your debt is reducing. Take things a day at a time, eg, if you take a packed lunch to work then thats more money to throw at your debt, every cutback you make is an amount off your debt.

However..........I do think, and this is just my opinion so please dont be mad, that if I were in your wifes shoes I would be doing all I could to help you as a family become debtfree for 2 reasons, 1 - shes your partner and so should support and help you no matter how the debt arose and 2 -If she helps out then you all, as a family, become debt free sooner and therefore you will all be allowed the threats sooner and have a better way of living, But like I said, thats just what I would do if I was her.

But well done for facing up to your problems and sorting the debts out :T

Zulu_Dawn

joeblack066 wrote: »

ZD, post an SOA as suggested, and let the wonderful people on here help you to free up some hard earhed cash to throw at your debt. Also, love the signature....'It's A Wonderful Life'.Clarence to George Bailey, right? Good Luck!

Spot on Joe


Or should I say "Hot Dog"

Thanks.