Catholic church - marriage course?

pledgeX

We're getting married next year and my fianc!e is catholic so we're getting married in a catholic church. We went to see the priest to discuss it and he's said that as part of the wedding preparation he wants us to go on a 'course', specifically the 'Marriage prepartion at DABCEC Crawley'.

It's a day long course on a Saturday in Crawley. I'm not exactly sure what is discussed, but tbh neither of us are too keen on it. The main reason is that it costs £65 and is 60+ miles away so will cost over £100 which is money we'd much rather spend on the wedding. Has anyone been and know what it entails? We did ask the priest about it but he didn't give much info, just that it was a discussion about married life as catholics and aspects the he won't talk about, e.g the financial side of things.

Right now we're thinking of just not going, but if the priest can speak to the course provider and find out whether we go or not, we don't really want to offend him.

Thanks for any advice.

daisiegg

You HAVE to do a marriage preparation course to get married in a Catholic Church. It's not a case of just offending the priest if you don't do it; it is a requirement. There is some paperwork that is generated by your completion of the course and you cannot get married without it.

Ours was a day course run locally and cost £25, and it was actually a really nice day. Neither of us wanted to go either but in the end we found it very helpful. I know of other people whose 'preparation course' consisted of a series of evening meetings with the priest. Others had to do a course online (which, incidentally, seemed the most time consuming of the lot). It may be worth asking if there is another option for the preparation as that particular day course is not convenient for you (our priest told us that if we couldn't make the day course then there was something we could do online) but you have to do some form of marriage preparation.

Not meaning to sound harsh, but why get married in a Catholic Church if you are not willing to go along with their customs and requirements? I was raised Catholic but am not particularly religious - do not attend church regularly - and my fianc! is not Catholic at all, but there were various reasons we wanted to get married in a Catholic Church and so we accepted that by making that choice, we had to go along with what they wanted us to do. The priest basically said to us (not in such harsh terms) - if you don't like what you have to do/say to get married in a Catholic Church, the registry office is down the road! And I completely agree with that.

lazer

We are Catholics and completed a pre-marriage Course (Run by ACCORD) and despite the fact that it was on a lovely sunny saturday and we were stuck inside It was actually quite a good day.

In the build up to a wedding, you spend hours and hours preparing for the wedding, so it actually nice to spend a day preparing for the marriage and not the wedding.
I found it was a day to think about what being married means to you and your OH and it was with about 10 other couples all in love and all getting married.

In terms of what we did during the course, a lot of it was group discussions and a lot of it was individual couple time where you were given exercises and asked to discuss things but it was a discussion between yourselves, and all information was private.

pledgeX

Thanks for the feedback daisyegg/Lazer.

We've already had a few meetings with the priest, and we've got our last one tonight. We'll probably do about 6 hours worth on total. Did you just do the course instead of having several meetings with the priest?

As for my reasoning behind getting married in the church but not willing to go along with their customs - I'm not religious in any way, but my fianc!e is so I'm willing to do what she wants. I'm just tight fisted when it comes to money and £65 seems like a lot for some volunteers to run a course! I guess I'm also a bit pessimistic as to whether I'll learn anything during the day either.

lazer

pledgeX wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback daisyegg/Lazer.

We've already had a few meetings with the priest, and we've got our last one tonight. We'll probably do about 6 hours worth on total. Did you just do the course instead of having several meetings with the priest?

As for my reasoning behind getting married in the church but not willing to go along with their customs - I'm not religious in any way, but my fianc!e is so I'm willing to do what she wants. I'm just tight fisted when it comes to money and £65 seems like a lot for some volunteers to run a course! I guess I'm also a bit pessimistic as to whether I'll learn anything during the day either.

If you are willing to get married in the catholic church for your fiancee then you should be willing to the course.

Just think of the cost as a part of the payment for the church, and it is still probably a cheaper option than a civil ceremony - paying for the town hall and the registrar etc.

We weren't really told of any other option - our priest was close family and therefore we seen him on a regular basis anyway and discussed the ceremony with him - music, readings, text and wedding practice etc. I had to meet with my own parish priest to fill in a pre-nuptial enquiry, and that was it really.

The pre-marriage course was discussing the marriage whereas the meetings with the priests were to discuss the wedding ceremony and to ensure we were free to marry in the church (Pre-nuptial enquiry).

The pre-marriage course was taken my people who were married as opposed to a priest who obviously isn't. (I cannot remember if they were volunteers or not), I think ours was £80 but not sure. Like you I was skeptical about the benefits of it - but it doesn't really matter as you have to do it - and you might surprise yourself (like I did) by getting something out of it.

daisiegg

I agree with those who said they were surprised to get something out of it. We went to ours with the intention of gritting our teeth and bearing it, and promised ourselves a stiff drink afterwards as a reward! However we were both shocked by how good we actually found it. It was run by a married couple who were lovely. As others have said, it was actually really nice to take a day out of daily life and the wedding planning madness to focus on each other and our relationship.

I don't know how others are run, but ours was in different sections to do with different things such as dealing with conflict, how to keep a positive relationship, finances, sex, children, etc...and each section started with the couple doing a little speech, and then you each got a questionnaire. You filled the questionnaire out separately from your partner, and then came back together to compare answers with your partner. It genuinely felt actually really useful and it raised some things we hadn't thought about - or at least hadn't taken the time to sit down and talk about - and we both really enjoyed it. We also felt like it brought us even closer and made us feel even more confident and secure in our relationship, and ready to enter marriage

As lazer said, just think of the cost as part of the cost of the ceremony. And it is probably still cheaper than a registry office wedding - ours certainly was, anyway.

Keep an open mind and you might just enjoy it ! After all, surely the money is better spent on working on your relationship than on chair covers or extra flowers or a bigger dress?!

heartbreak_star

I was a best man for a couple who had to do one of these courses.

The lady found it useful and quite enjoyed it, the chap said he found it interesting but was bemused how "a celibate sky-pilot could tell him how to love a woman". *chuckle*

They both said that the best thing they got out of it was the fact that in the middle of all the hectic preparations, they actually got a day completely devoted to each other

HBS x

kwmlondon

Sounds like one of those speed aware courses you have to do instead of taking the points.

(I'd take the points, but then I'm the kind of guy that priests warn you about!)

74jax

I reeally would like to attend one of these courses, but we're not catholic and having a registry wedding.

kwmlondon

74jax wrote: »

I reeally would like to attend one of these courses, but we're not catholic and having a registry wedding.

Ooh, I could do that! AND I'll do it for £50 each including a glass of prosecco!

It would be HUGE fun!

What subjects would you like to cover?

I'd suggest:
What are your biggest hopes for the future?
What are your biggest fears for the future?
Who's marriages do you most admire? Why?
How do you think successful marriages work.
How do you listen and how do you make yourself understood.
What's really important to you.

Just some ideas.

74jax

kwmlondon wrote: »

Ooh, I could do that! AND I'll do it for £50 each including a glass of prosecco!

It would be HUGE fun!

What subjects would you like to cover?

I'd suggest:
What are your biggest hopes for the future?
What are your biggest fears for the future?
Who's marriages do you most admire? Why?
How do you think successful marriages work.
How do you listen and how do you make yourself understood.
What's really important to you.

Just some ideas.

Aw that just makes me want to go to one even more :rotfl:

*goes off to google is it's possible.......*