A Bit Depressing

katetn4

Hi everyone!

I have been so good recently and am really trying my best to sort out my debts and money which is going ok. I am just finding it really hard at the moment as all my friends as doing dinners and shopping together and I cant do it and I worry that I'll get pushed out as I cant afford to do all this stuff with them anymore! I didnt think it'd be a problem but they have started making little faces when i say I cant do stuff and I feel mean for not spending time with them!

I know this sounds silly, and i know they are getting further and further in debt while I'm sorting mine out, but I cant help but feel a bit left out and dont want to end up really boring and with no friends!

Has anyone else encountered this? What did you do?

Tr@cker

Keeping up with the 'joanses' is wot got so many people in a big mess. Choose your friends wisely.

Well you did ask!

newleaf

:hello: Kate. You'll have the last laugh when you're debt free and they're up to their eyes in it. Don't forget interest rates are on the rise, they'll be over their heads in no time if they don't pay attention now. Equally, this is definitely not the time for you to give up your mission.
Can you suggest some cheap alternatives to going out eating/shopping? Clothes swap party? Girl's night in? Anything like that? If they really aren't interested and they make you feel 'pushed out', then I'm sorry to say they aren't your true friends and you'd be better off with some more understanding mates. Good luck and keep up the good work!

katetn4

Its ironic. One of my best friend's family are millionares and she will never have to worry about money and she is the most supportive and understanding of all of them and spends all her time thinking of fun free things we can do together.
The others earn the same as me and are getting more and more in debt and they are the ones that get annoyed when I dont do as much!

Karb

I have to agree with newleaf. Try suggesting things that don't cost much. Instead of going to restaurants, take turns at cooking the rest of the group a meal.
If you fancy a trip to the pictures, are you or any of your friends on orange so you can get the 2 for deals on Wednesdays?
Do you trust yourself enough to go on a shopping expedition with them without actually buying anything?

wherediditallgo

You can do free things at home, eg get cheap cuts of meat & have them round for dinner, a dvd night of a show all of you like, a pamper night (face packs, pedicures, try out new make-up etc), but if they don't take up your suggestions don't stress about it. If your friends can't/won't understand why you can't afford to do certain things with them, go out & make new ones. I know it can get really boring & depressing repeating the same old mantra about why you can't afford to do what they're doing, but you shouldn't have to keep on saying it, so don't bother. While they're digging bigger & deeper holes for themselves, you're getting your debts sorted out. If they continue as they are, the shoes will be on the other foot, because you'll have money to spend & they won't.

katetn4

I do try and do that but I dont wanna ask them to stop doing fun stuff they like but i dont like missing out! I know that's selfish but figured I'd be honest! I have a coupel of mates who are great and we stay in and drink tea and watch tv but most of the girls all like having big nights out.
We are going out tonight but I've invited everyone to mine first and we're all bringing wine so we can drink before we go out then hopefully spend less!

wherediditallgo

If you don't like missing out, why not use your shortage of money as an opportunity to widen your circle of friends? Is there a hobby you enjoy that your current friends aren't that keen on - you might be able to find other like-minded people through your local paper or the library. I joined a cooking circle a few months ago - we take it in turns to cook a meal for everyone else, & my turn is every 6 weeks. No-one's allowed to spend more than £15 in total (that has to cover a main course & a pud) & you can't repeat a recipe, which means you have to think about the recipes you choose. I haven't been able to take part for a few weeks because of illness, but once I'm able to, I'll be able to eat out once a week for free 5 weeks out of every 6 tasting other people's cooking, enjoy some different conversation & have something new to share with my other friends.

There are similar things done with book/painting circles, walking/dancing groups etc. If you try to get involved in other things, you won't feel like you're missing out so much, & you'll make new friends into the bargain. There's no upper limit on the number of friends you can have - seek & you shall find.

katetn4

Thats a really good idea! I may see how thats recieved!
I ave just started painting again and sketching. I'm not very good but its fun! I also have my little stamp collection which I really enjoy, I have over 10,000 stamps (I kid you not!) to sort into countries so should be busy for a while!
I guess its easy to get down about money stuff sometimes as it seems like a big black hole and its hard to see everyone else not caring!

Ytaya

Do you drive? You could offer to be their taxi for the night out - you've got a cast iron excuse for not drinking that nobody would argue with and you could even ask them to pay for entrance to clubs! Even if you don't drive, lime and soda is about 60p/pint, makes for a very cheap night out

katetn4

I dont drive unfortunately, Wish I did! We all live so close to town that we all walk anyway! I am def not drinking when I get out tonight! Will help the waistline as well! lol