Husband overspending - ideas?

Trajal

You're not going to like this answer, but here we go.

Until he comes to the realisation himself, you will not really be able to do much.

That's the short of it. However, there may be ways to help him come to this realisation, nagging won't help.

Lunches: I know what he means by that, it feels very crap to not buy coffees and lunches when you've got nice places near your office. I have a pretty high profile and influential job and earn a decent living now compared to when I was in debt troubles. However, these days I still take sandwiches in. Sometimes people go down to the restaurant together for lunch, I just bring my bag and tuck in. Since I started doing it, a few others do it and we have had discussions about just how much we are saving (probably the thick edge of £100+).

Coffees: Feels petty but buying coffee at a starbucks is crazy as a regular habit, particularly if you have free coffee at your office. Personally I prefer to simply have a coffee first thing in the morning and then drink the normal boring nescafe or whatever it is (kenco actually i think!) that my office provides us with in our kitchens.

Beers: I've mostly stopped going out in the evenings other than with my wife. I'm at an age now where it doesn't feel odd, saving a fortune.

What really made me realise what I was doing was when I kept a spending diary. Try to encourage him to 'give it a week and see'. Then look at it together and work out just how much he is spending every day, and then work out had he stopped 3 months ago how much would he have saved.

Also try to make a game of it. When I started with my No Spend Days my wife was a little confused as to why I should bother. Now we challenge each other to have NSDs and laugh pitifully at one another if we fail! It's all good fun and done in good humour. Just a day here or there where you don't spend anything is a start and it's more challenging that you might think.

Good luck, he will need to figure out his own motivation for this to work, I hope he does so before things go horribly wrong.

datlex

Can I suggest you do your food shopping online. I find it saves me loads and helps avoid temptation. It is also easier to see the deals.

You don't say whether your are now breaking even including your scheduled debt payments. Am I right in thinking you are? If so I'd transfer an amount on each payday either to a locked savings account or straight to the debt (I realise some debts prefer lump sum payments. ) rather than seeing what you have left over at end. Then if you do have more left over do the same with that at the end of your pay period.

foxgloves

I second the comments about taking lunch to work. When my partner & I committed to doing that, we added up the savings & reckon they came to a staggering £2,000 a year! No bought-in sandwiches/lunches can be so nice that they make that annual spend worthwhile!

sfm82

why don't you just take money out at the beginning of the month and stick it in a purse and call it your food money purse.

If you can see what you're spending and how much the money is dwindling you are less likely to overspend and think more about budgeting.

heartbreak_star

sfm82 wrote: »

why don't you just take money out at the beginning of the month and stick it in a purse and call it your food money purse.

If you can see what you're spending and how much the money is dwindling you are less likely to overspend and think more about budgeting.

I don't think the OP's hubby is going to do that...

HBS x

Firewalker

When we were in debt (and we paid off 100,000 in three years) two things helped:

1) meal planning and buying only whant we need for cooking (with the occasional treat)
2) DH and I had pocket money. It wasm't much (£40 each) but this was our blow money to spend on what we want (mine went on chocolate and now I am paying for this ).

Just an idea; setting him an account sound very open ended - to get out of debt and to stay out one need to develop discipline not hedge using external barriers.

Firewalker

lindens

sfm82 wrote: »

why don't you just take money out at the beginning of the month and stick it in a purse and call it your food money purse.

If you can see what you're spending and how much the money is dwindling you are less likely to overspend and think more about budgeting.

I was going to suggest this, but envelopes not a purse.

Lets say you mutually agree that £400 per month is reasonable for your food budget. Put £100 into 4 envelopes, and on Monday give him this weeks envelope and tell him once its gone its gone. If he has £20 left, you pay that off a debt. if he continually has £20 left, amend the budget to £80 a week instead. If the money's gone by thursday he is forced to use up whats in the cupboards for the next 3 days!

missrlr

Oh you remind me of me!

What worked - blow out holiday that was paid for before we went with no residual debt when we returned coupled 12 1montrs later to that evil word REDUNDANCY (threat of was enough - sadly it came true) when he realised he would actually simply not cope.

Suddenly the realisation he had spent all the money (pre-me I have to say) with nothing to show for it and what was to show for it would have to be sold to cover him, I was working all hours and that still wouldn't be enough for even a frivolity once a month and I was the one working. Plus the experience he COULD budget work it out and control matters fiscal.

Guilt I suppose was the main thing in the end, he just realised it was not going to be fair on us, me or him and it was indeed HIS FAULT. Might be different for you if this is a jointly incurred debt.

As someone else says, until he realises what the debt means and perhaps you ease up on the money saving bit (we can be a tad evangelical on here!) to meet him somewhere in the middle it might all be a little like banging your head against a brick wall - great when you stop.

pamfin

I'd definitely second the on-line shop. If you use a comparison site you can go with the cheapest store (remembering to take delivery charges into account!) and put things back if you are over budget at the end of the shop.

I shop fortnightly and make a two week meal plan on my laptop calendar. I colour items that I already have in one colour and items I need to buy in another which stops me buying stuff I don't need. I spend £100 per fortnight for two adults and two children and we typically spend another £20 per week on milk and fresh veg.

Regarding his lunches out, there's a good calculator on here somewhere that calculates how much you spend in a year on small daily treats. Calculating how much my daily coffee costs per annum was enough for me to stop that habit straight away!

exarmydreamer

My husband has a basic account and I give him £100 to last him the month. This is his money as he is out working and takes a packed lunch, so it is the odd breakfast and teas but once its gone it's gone, (he doesn't spend it all, he saves some in the account). I don't want to reduce it, as he is paid very well and he's on the road with his job all hours and could need money for an emergancy. Also we are not in debt anymore, so don't want to always say, what do you need money for?.

I run the joint account which is where all the wages, pensions etc go. I complete an in/out credit and debit sheet and what is left overpays the mortgage and goes into savings. My husband used to have a card for the joint account but because he does not think to deeply, we were constantly overdrawn and had debt. I took control 5 yrs ago and paid off over 30K of debt and have taken a huge chunk off the mortgage as well.

I keep a daily diary and write in every receipt from whatever shop I do and I have my supermarket shop delivered online as it stops the over buying and helps with meal planning. He has learnt to trust me, as I receive a pension but don't pay tax, so all our savings are in an account under my name. He never queries anything, but knows that if he wanted something he only needs to discuss it and he normally wins after I have checked the finances.

I found the spending diary, credit/debit balance sheet and discussing money is the way forward. My husband feels a lot happier knowing I have control over the bills, as I have a huge aversion now to paying interest on anything. Our light bulb moment was a huge eye opener to us and we have turned into the biggest scrooges ever.:)