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It's finally got the better of me.

I am so depressed and I can't talk to anybody who understands how I feel 'cept you guys. So thanks in advance for reading.
In a nutshell, I bought my first house with my first husband in 1987, with a deposit paid by me. When he ran off with my friend in 1994 it had £6k negative equity, and with interest rates at 15% I couldn't keep it on my own. They got it. No money from the divorce, just a whole load of debt. 2nd marriage was a disaster, with domestic violence, and I left into a rented property in 2002. (the marital home was council so no money from that divorce, just more debt that he ran up drinking and gambling while I supportde 7 kids on my salary). In 2004 I bought a house with my bbest friend. It was going well. 9 months later she wanted out to go and live in Spain. My then partner moved in, and all was going to be ok. Then I found out he was a liar, gambler and drinker. I kicked him out, did a really good deal leasing the house and moved into smaller rented, taking with me the debts he accrued in my name.I have just about kept my head above water since then,
have made some inroads into my debts, and had resigned myself to losing the car I have had on finance as I couldn't manage that and the top up that I have to pay on the house after 3 rate increases. This latest increase will floor me. I have been working 48hrs a week and having no life as it is. I have a health condition that is geting worse because of it. So I have to sell the house. I will hopefully make enough to clear the redemption and my debts. And that will leave me, in my 40's, single., in rented accomodation, with no security, living month to month. I have no family, other than my kids. I feel like I have failed big time. I am crying at the moment, but need to pull myself together to go to work in 2 hrs. Sorry, just needed to talk to someone.

Comments

  • Hi Joeblack,

    I just read your thread and I really feel for you. But I wanted to say that I think you've done brilliantly. You've had a really rough time with some dodgy partners, yet you're still here and looking at being debt free! That's something to rejoice about, not be depressed about! And you have children who love you - that's security. There's far more to life than owning property - we sold our house last summer and are now in rented accommodation with loads of debt! But when the boiler blows up, it's not my problem to try and find the money to fix it!

    You haven't failed - you've survived. And now you're looking at a fresh start. Hang in there. It will get better.
  • Hi

    Life can be totally !!!!!! can't it? But we can't let it get the better of us and we must have hope. You must find away to count your blessings. From your msg I can see you have the following wonderful things:-
    1) Kids - these are life's greatest gift
    2) A job - this is also a place were you can also make new friends
    3)MSE - People here will support you
    4) You live in one of the worlds greatest countries and things can get better

    Chin Up - "You get knocked down you get back up again"

    Good Luck;) :kisses: :kisses3: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
  • im sorry you have had a run of bad luck, im a strong belivier in "what goes around comes around". you havnt failed at all. living in rented acc, isnt bad.

    supporting 7 kids as a single mum is amazing it really is and something to be proud of.
  • chunky79
    chunky79 Posts: 732 Forumite
    7 kids, single mum working 48 hours a week. You need a medal hun you really do. I have 4 children with a partner and find life tough sometimes.

    You are far from a failure. You have doen fantastically well so far. I Echo what mustbefunny says.

    Chin up missus and rant away a good chat is sometimes the best medicine xx
    You can touch the dust but please don't write in it !

    Would you like to speak to the man in charge, or the woman who knows whats happening?
  • joeblack066
    joeblack066 Posts: 1,757 Forumite
    Hi and thanks for your messages. I don't have 7 now as 3 were his. I have had 4 of my own, I am very proud of them, 3 are grown up and working, youngest is 10 and she's a sweetheart. Her father claims all the benefits for her as we have shared residency and they can't spilit it, but I make sure that I get her what she needs as he spends the benefits on beer. The bit that really bugs me is that the breakfast club at school charge me full rate, as I don't have the tax credit in my name to get the reduced rate! Yet as she is on her fathers 'books' and he claims incapacity benefit, she would be entitled to free school meals. So if he took her to the club, it would be 50p. I take her, it's £1.75. Go figure??!
  • vandanfc
    vandanfc Posts: 2,032 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Hi

    just a thought, as you have shared residency can you not get the child benefit and he get the ctc, ? They are paid (if I recall correctly) as 2 separate benefits, so this might be worth looking into. If not, can you get all the benefits paid to you, and as much as it galls me to say this, give him his share ???
  • silkglade
    silkglade Posts: 559 Forumite
    Hi Hun and can I say well done on all you have gone through.

    To me you come across a very strong person and a fighter. most of us would have just given up ages ago and not kept on going strong as you have.

    You are nearly at the end of a horrible era in your life.

    Just think, when the house is sold, the debt is gone and you can have a new begining with your wonderful kids.

    And with the debt gone you could either work a few hrs less each week to have more time with your kids, or when you are off wave that extra cash to spoil yourselves a little. :-)

    You ARE an AMAZING PERSON and should be so proud of youreslf, your an insperation to us all
  • joeblack066
    joeblack066 Posts: 1,757 Forumite
    The tax credits are paid to whoever holds the Child Benefit book. There is a history of domestic violence and I am too scared of the repurcussions to try to change the status quo. Stupid but thats how it is. Thanks anyway.
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