A mini rant!

Ballabriggs

Firstly, I want to say I absolutely support all those PWC on here who are struggling to get what they are entitled to from the NRP. NRPs who do not pay maintenance are in my book wasters who do not deserve respect. You PWC are doing a great job :T :T

Now on to my rant. My hubby is a NRP who has paid above and beyond from Day 1 to make sure that the kids were looked after financially. He has never missed a payment, paid late or underpaid at all. He has always had regular contact with the kids and overall has a great relationship with them.

So here's my rant. DSS 1 is 17, due to turn 18 soon. DSS is 12. My OH has recently been in touch with PWC to let her know that when DSS turns 18, and is no longer in secondary education having finished A levels (both happen in Aug), iaw advice directly from the CSA (my DH rang them to check), then the maintenance is only calculated for DSS 2. We did this to a. give her a heads up that things would change so she could plan accordingly and b. because we were not convinced that she knew this was the case.

Her response was 'don't you want to maintain the lifestyle they've become accustom to'? What????? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: seriously? DH was so stunned he didn't say anything at first, then on pulling himself together said that's not how it works.

I have to add that PWC is married and has bought a bigger house with her hubby.

I can't believe that she said this, tbh it feels like a kick in the nuts. Why should we maintain their lifestyle when we've been struggling all these years to make ends meet ourselves?? don't get me wrong we must and should pay what's right to maintain them. But there's got to be an end in terms of paying the PWC. We're not going to not help the kids out but its got to get to a point where as adults we should be able to help them directly. Tbh I got the feeling that our payments were maintaining their lifestyle not just the kids.

What are your thoughts?

shoe*diva79

If the child stays in education you may find your paying until they are 20. Law changed in December 2012. Do you know what your step sons plans are after A levels?

justontime

I'm a NRPP too and I have had a rant or two about the unfairness CSA in my time. I also have to admit that I don't have a very high opinion of the ex (with good reason) but csa is not about the ex it is about the children, so I try to keep those thoughts to myself and put them to the back of my mind for my own sanity because I can't change CSA or the ex. It helps to remind myself that whatever the ex says my husband knows that he has always paid child support on time and like most good parents he has paid for school uniforms and extras as well. I also know that when they lived with us it cost a whole lot more than the amount my husband pays in CSA to support them (and we didn't get a penny from the ex!). I am not trying to be critical, I understand how frustrated you feel, I guess I am just trying to say try not to let it get to you.

Just a word of caution, don't be too sure that csa liability for the older girl will end when she reaches 18. At best it will be the start of Sept after she has left full time education, but if she goes to college or does certain other courses the liability could continue until she is 20.

Ballabriggs

Thanks guys for your thoughts. He is off to Uni in Sep and we have double checked with the CSA that there is no further obligation on our part to include him in the CM calculation, so based on what they've said we're only required to pay directly to NRP for DSS 2. Of course we will be helping DS1 out at Uni but directly to him.

We are on a private arrangement, hence why we've been paying over and above. We phoned the CSA for advice as to what steps to take next and they advised us when to pay up till and based on DH's income how much we should be paying per month.

kevin137

So you understand that it will only drop from 20% to 15% of income if the CSA calculator is used for deciding what payments are made...???

And even if the child IS leaving school, she is still entitled to open a claim in the meantime, meaning that the payment will continue until CB stops being due...

So while you may not have a legal obligation to pay in YOUR eyes, if CB is payable, then it IS legally due...!!!

skibadee

You say 'NRP' do you mean 'PWC'?

When the child begins HE CB and CM are no longer payable, but, as Kevin has said, until CB stops being paid CM will remain payable.

kevin137

skibadee wrote: »

You say 'NRP' do you mean 'PWC'?

When the child begins HE CB and CM are no longer payable, but, as Kevin has said, until CB stops being paid CM will remain payable.

I think that was a typo, and it is PWC.

I understand it is a "private arrangement", just forewarned is forearmed, and the PWC can open a case that would mean you pay regardless, and that would only mean a 5% decrease on the 20% you should be paying...

If you tried to reduce from what you are paying by halving it, then this is a very distinct possibility that this will happen, people check and find out what you should be paying...

Just saying...

justontime

Ballabriggs I just read your post again and it really does sound as if your husband and his ex have managed to keep things fairly civil and put the children first (and as a NRPP I know that you will have played an important role in making things work well too). I can understand that you and your husband are looking forward to the time when child support payments reduce and then finally when stop and I know that you and your husband are irritated by the attitude of the ex, but please be cautious. Don't risk spoiling what sounds like a fairly reasonable situation by getting it wrong at this stage. At least pay for both children until the older one goes to uni. Your husband seems to have avoided the need to deal with csa so far, but the ex could go to csa at any time (there is still another child to pay for) and believe me you don't want csa in you life if you can possibly avoid it! I think there are a lot of people who use these boards who would tell your husband that if you have a fairly civil and cooperative arrangement re parenting, contact etc you should do everything in your power not to put that at risk. Just try to be a bit flexible and get your husband to talk with his ex so that you can come up with an arrangement that works for everyone.

Ballabriggs

Skibadee - sorry that was a typo I meant PWC. Brain not keeping up with typing!

Kevin - with regard to CB, given that DSS1 is off to University the following applies:

'You can carry on getting Child Benefit for your child up until their 20th birthday, if they're in education or training that counts for Child Benefit. Education or training counts for Child Benefit as long as it's either of the following:

full-time, 'non-advanced' education (for example 'A' levels)
'approved' training

Your child needs to have started, enrolled or been accepted for one of these types of courses before the age of 19.

You can't get Child Benefit if your child is doing:

higher education, such as a course at university level'

(from the hmrc.gov.uk website - as a newbie I'm not allowed to post links)


So the PWC would cease receiving CB for DSS 1 in Sep anyway. So our timeline for reducing payment to one child in Aug completely falls in line with this and is also iaw CSA guidelines, 'in My eyes' doesn't really come into it ;-)

Justontime -I hear what you are saying about maintaining the relationship with the PWC, tbh it hasn't all be plain sailing. The kids do have a great relationship with their dad not because of the PWC but almost in spite of. Its on their insistence that they see him regularly, believe me they are strong willed! The PWC and family have tried on numerous occasions to poison their minds against their dad (grandmother threatening that they would be put in care if DH and I went on holiday for 2 weeks and PWC was unable to cope- this was said right in front of them when they were little - nice!). This was a completely insane threat anyway as we were not allowed to have them stay over for a long time because the PWC wasn't happy (we've been married for 8 years by the way so I'm not a fly-by-night girlfriend ). We didn't push it as PWC had some personal issues that needed working out and our main concern was a stable environment for the kids. Believe me we have had to bite our tongues a lot for the sake of peace and harmony. It was only when the kids put their foot down at the age of 14 & 9 that they wanted to stay for a weekend that the PWC gave in. Plus getting a boyfriend seemed to help the situation But, its probably not worth looking back only forward.Everyone is human and deals with things in their own way.

Back to the point in question, DH is struggling now with work, being self employed is very tough in this financial climate. He is not on the same money that he was and so its no longer an option to keep things as they were for the sake of harmony. If we kept it at the current level the child maintenance would represent approx 60% of his income. It is simply not sustainable.

I understand what you are saying about trying to avoid the CSA but tbh we really don't have much of a choice anymore. We are going to have to take the bull by the horns and reduce it to one child. We're not doing this to play silly 'b@*!$rs' its just not something we can do anymore.

Thanks for your thoughts guys, it helps to get different viewpoints x

Bluemeanie_2

It sounds like he is overpaying under CSA rules if keeping it at the current rate is taking 60% of his current income. Might be worth reducing it a bit more if you are really struggling? Not right down to the CSA minimum if you want to support more but if you're having to cut back. Then she will shoot herself right in the foot if she does go to the CSA.

justontime

Ballabriggs, I am glad that you understand that my comments were meant kindly. My husband has been to hell and back with his ex as well as with csa and I wouldn't wish that kind of fear and heartache on my worst enemy. From what you say she would be shooting herself in the foot if she decided to ask for a csa assessment as she would probably be worse off. However it will probably take very careful and honest communication to get her to believe this. I hope your step son gets good grades so that he is able to go to university in September and I hope your husband and his ex can sort things out without too much upset.