At Breaking Point

Newly-Wed

Hi. Sorry if there has already been a thread on this - but I'm desperate for advice.

I am a qualified Teaching Assistant, and I consider that as my dream job. However, I've been working at my "temp job" in a fast-food restaraunt for 5 years now. I'm recently married (my parents paid) and we are renting a home together, although my Husband is unemployed and actively seeking work. We get the benefits we are entitled to - but neither of us wants that kind of life. We want to be working in a job we enjoy. Last month I only had little over £4 left from my wages after paying just the rent!

My problem is - I can't bear my job. I am filled with dread every day with the thought of working awful hours for minimum wage. I've even contemplated walking in front of a bus just to get out of going (but never done it, as I'm wise enough not to). My boss is mean, fellow collegues are disrespectful and are constantly making hurtful comments, I'm always tired and never feel clean, I don't feel as though I'm making a positive difference and I feel useless at what I do. I work awful shifts, sometimes finishing at 2am. I don't drive, which means I have to rely on public transport which I can't afford - therefore I have to walk to and from work every day (that works out to almost 5 miles). I end up feeling drained and exhausted a lot of the time, and an my days off I just want to sit around the house.

I'm currently trying to find another job, but at the moment I can't find anything which doesn't require experience or a driving licence! I know I should be lucky to have a job and beggers can't be choosers, but working in a job you like (or that's at least bearable) is half the battle.

I keep telling myself that this living hell won't last forever, but it's very hard to stay strong when I'm this unhappy. I just feel trapped with no way out. My confidence and self-esteem are practically non-existant, as I feel so useless. I used to have boatloads of energy, but now I just want to laze around all the time, and I've lost interest in everything that I would normally enjoy. And every smile at work is fake - I can't be cheerful anymore.

What am I doing wrong? Is anyone else having the same problem? It might make me feel better if I know there are people out there in a similar situation as me - I feel so alone (it's like I'm screaming in a silent room full of people and no one even notices). It's starting to scare me - I work full time and every day working there is a day wasted.

wakram1973

Newly-Wed wrote: »

Hi. Sorry if there has already been a thread on this - but I'm desperate for advice.

I am a qualified Teaching Assistant, and I consider that as my dream job. However, I've been working at my "temp job" in a fast-food restaraunt for 5 years now. I'm recently married (my parents paid) and we are renting a home together, although my Husband is unemployed and actively seeking work. We get the benefits we are entitled to - but neither of us wants that kind of life. We want to be working in a job we enjoy. Last month I only had little over £4 left from my wages after paying just the rent!

My problem is - I can't bear my job. I am filled with dread every day with the thought of working awful hours for minimum wage. I've even contemplated walking in front of a bus just to get out of going (but never done it, as I'm wise enough not to). My boss is mean, fellow collegues are disrespectful and are constantly making hurtful comments, I'm always tired and never feel clean, I don't feel as though I'm making a positive difference and I feel useless at what I do. I work awful shifts, sometimes finishing at 2am. I don't drive, which means I have to rely on public transport which I can't afford - therefore I have to walk to and from work every day (that works out to almost 5 miles). I end up feeling drained and exhausted a lot of the time, and an my days off I just want to sit around the house.

I'm currently trying to find another job, but at the moment I can't find anything which doesn't require experience or a driving licence! I know I should be lucky to have a job and beggers can't be choosers, but working in a job you like (or that's at least bearable) is half the battle.

I keep telling myself that this living hell won't last forever, but it's very hard to stay strong when I'm this unhappy. I just feel trapped with no way out. My confidence and self-esteem are practically non-existant, as I feel so useless. I used to have boatloads of energy, but now I just want to laze around all the time, and I've lost interest in everything that I would normally enjoy. And every smile at work is fake - I can't be cheerful anymore.

What am I doing wrong? Is anyone else having the same problem? It might make me feel better if I know there are people out there in a similar situation as me - I feel so alone (it's like I'm screaming in a silent room full of people and no one even notices). It's starting to scare me - I work full time and every day working there is a day wasted.

Try reed.co.uk,once registered keep you well informed of jobs in your area but as hard as it is don't give in ! Your punishment for voluntarily leaving your job is a sanction of upto 3 years on a claim for JSA

FBaby

You are not doing anything wrong. What many people in your situation don't realise is that there many many others feeling just like you, getting up in the morning with that horrible dreading feeling at the prospect of going to work. It's horrible, but we need to work to earn to survive, end of it. You are exhausted because you are feeling deflated and depressed, not because of the job itself or the conditions.

What you need to do is start making plans as to what you need to do to get out of this situation. The key thing is to apply for position. Looking for a job productively is time consuming, but you need to prioritise it in your life. Dedicate say 1 hour every 3 days to look for work at every available sources. Do you research where you should be looking. Then plan how to devise the best applications possible. Don't just send a poorly designed CV. Take the time to make sure your CV as impressive as can be, and make sure that for every job, you take the time to write a covering letter specific to the post. Don't just send a standard one, they will pick up on this and shows lack of effort and dedication.

You say many jobs need a driving licence. Which jobs are these? Either they are not the right jobs for you, or if they are jobs that you would really like, then you need to plan how you can go ahead and get your licence. Yes, it is expensive, but again, it is about priority. Is there anything you can give up once a week to pay for lessons? Is there anyone who would allow you to drive with them. A lesson a week, or even a month might take for ever, but it is step forward and still much better than doing nothing.

Finding work is often about good networking, so speak to people around you, consider doing voluntary work. If you want to be a teaching assistant, can you help with any organisations that involve children, sport activities, church groups etc...?

Whatever you do, don't give up your job. Being at home even more desperate to find something will in no way help your self-esteem. What you need to do is find ways to learn to cope with the current pressure you are facing now. So colleagues are horrible, ignore them, you won't be there for long. The travelling is demanding, try to see how you can make it more pleasurable, engross yourself in a book or music. Use that time to plan your next step towards reaching your goal.

Good luck, you'll get there, as I've already said, many people have been where you are now.

Rosemary7391

Would you be able to get hold of a bike/lights etc and cycle to work instead of walking? Freecycle might have some, or you might find one cheap secondhand somewhere. It'd take up less time than walking, and is quite good fun especially if your way home is downhill - you just sit and let gravity take you home! Might make life easier in the short term, and you could expand your job search area too.

cashbackproblems

You say you are a qualified teaching assistant- how many years of experience do you have? Over the last 5 yrs you have been unable to find anything? DO you do applications/relevant voluntary work to get your foot in the door?

Forget about public transport, when you find the role you want you can probably get a car/work out a route. I personally would leave your job its not adding anything to your cv (you would probably be better off in benefits) and not allowing you time to apply for jobs. My feeling is you dont know "how to" look for jobs.

bluesnake

If you rent privately could you move in with your or his parents? Yes, I know it is not ideal.

pinkshoes

I second moving in with parents if possible!

Or, given one of you is unemployed, and the other on minimum wage, would you not be better off moving to a really cheap part of the country to find another job?

Get a bicycle and cycle to work?

Is there anything cheaper you can rent?

Keep going! When your husband gets work, it'll get easier.

pop_gun

OP, look for work anywhere in the UK and if you get the job you want, relocate.

cr1mson

Quick reply - Three things

1) when you hate your job you tend to think that everyone else has a dream job and that makes it worse. A lot of people hate their jobs and whilst it doesn't make your job better I think it helps to know you are not online

2) Where I am teaching assistant jobs in state schools are not advertised they are offered to those on the supply list have you applied to go on them?

3) Try sending speculative CVs to private schools and/or checking their websites to see if they operate their own supply lists.

Good luck!

C

bluesnake

If your boyfriend cant find a job, an SIA license may be the way to go. It may also suit you, especially being female. Long hours, minimum wage but better than nothing.