Best and worst wedding/best man speeches

gadgeteer_2

Very true....I inwardly groan each time I hear the joke about their speech being like a mini-skirt....

heartbreak_star

Hurrah for thread resurrection

My best (wo)man's speech had to gloss over the fact I used to be engaged to the groom I was chosen because apparently I wouldn't lose the rings or write an embarrassing speech.

I did steal a few jokes off the net, but in the end I essentially stated that it was lovely to see such a happy couple, thanked the bridesmaids, ushers, parents, and of course the fantastic best man and finished with a toast. About 3 minutes, all in all

HBS x

Tashatutuw

I felt very very sorry for our Best Man at our wedding earlier this month. He was absolutely papping himself about doing it and had a few drinks before hand to calm his nerves, he read his speech to the people at his table a few times to calm himself down and promptly put it back in his pocket. Which meant that when he took it out to read infront of everyone it was still on page 3... He didn't realise at first and started to read. When he DID realise he declared loudly '!!!!!! I've started at the wrong bit *huff* well I've f****d that up haven't I'...

Stunned silence.

Bless his heart though he started again, fluffed up a few more times (declaring loudly each time) but made it through. We were very proud of him as he was so nervous but I don't think the alcohol helped.

My best advice? If you have several pages - staple them together in order!!!

Anatidaephobia

I hate speeches which are heavily reliant on jokes found on the internet. It seems more and more common these days so when you go to a few weddings in a row, the best man speeches all start to blur into one.

A couple years ago, at a wedding, the groom gave his speech immediately after the best man's speech and he had clearly used all the same best man jokes in his own speech! Instead of just skipping past those bits on his notes, he kept saying "Can't say this bit... nope, can't say this either... Dave's already told you all this joke... he did this bit too..." it was all a bit of a disaster and a bit embarrassing.

Idiophreak

As everyone else says, really. The best speeches are heartfelt and personal to the bride and groom. The worst are rehashed from the internet.

Actually, the *worst* I saw was a bunch of rehashed thinly veiled references to anal sex...A few people seemed to get a lot of laughs out of it. Most people were just mortified.

Going the opposite way, I've seen a couple of speeches that are full of in-jokes and quick references to things, which I'm sure the bride and groom enjoyed, but everyone else just felt a bit...excluded, I guess.

I gave a (joint) best man's speech once in which we decided to do a series of toasts to various kinds of mushrooms. Could have gone either way, but I think it had a kind of anarchic charm about it in the end. And there was some *tight* banter either side...hours of practice

My best men had plenty of material to work with and did a great job of politely putting me down and embarrassing me with anecdotes...but then decided to throw in a few fabricated facts just for fun. "He wears thongs to work" still haunts me.

CoconutJay

My friend was recently best man to another friend of mine.

His speech regaled the tale of when the groom pi55ed all over himself after a rather heavy night on the booze.
The phrase 'went down like a lead balloon' was rather apt at the time!

Idiophreak

CoconutJay wrote: »

The phrase 'went down like a lead balloon' was rather apt at the time!

Really shouldn't talk about the bride that way

pinpin

Tashatutuw wrote: »

I felt very very sorry for our Best Man at our wedding earlier this month. He was absolutely papping himself about doing it and had a few drinks before hand to calm his nerves, he read his speech to the people at his table a few times to calm himself down and promptly put it back in his pocket. Which meant that when he took it out to read infront of everyone it was still on page 3... He didn't realise at first and started to read. When he DID realise he declared loudly '!!!!!! I've started at the wrong bit *huff* well I've f****d that up haven't I'...

Stunned silence.

Bless his heart though he started again, fluffed up a few more times (declaring loudly each time) but made it through. We were very proud of him as he was so nervous but I don't think the alcohol helped.

My best advice? If you have several pages - staple them together in order!!!

I've turned down 2 brothers and 2 mates for the 'honour' of best man! I can't do public speaking. Post like yours confirm that I AM doing the right thing and saving myself embarrassment!! lol

tkturner30

I was best man for my mate last year and decided to do something different as I dont like public speaking much.

I did say a few words to open up with but in the weeks leading up to the wedding I had collated lots of photos of the couple, on their own, with friends, etc etc and had them properly edited to music.

I gave the couple this as their gift also and a copy each to the parents.

All this was set to "Elbow - One Day Like This" and I brought in a projector and beamed it large for everyone to see!

It went down a million times better than I ever imagined with moments of huge laughter and tears of joy all over the place.

The brides father said it was the best thing he had ever seen from a speech at a wedding!

Evil_Olive

OHs best men were members of the band he's a guitarist in (singer and the other guitarist), who OH has been best buddies with since he was a kid. They were the entertainment at our reception, so they sang the second half of the best man speech to the tune of Monty Python's 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'
They handed out lyric sheets to the guests beforehand so that everyone could sing along. It was a great success, and very funny.

Here are the lyrics - (names changed to protect the guilty )

Olive.....
Some things Brett does are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on his gristle (eh?!)
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll make things turn out for the best...
And...
...always look on the bright side of Brett
(whistle)
Always look on the light side of Brett
(whistle
He looks like Johnny Rotten
His pants are best forgotten
He likes a laugh, and cars, and smokes, and things.
His bedroom was a dump - whisky bottles, tabs and flumps
Thank goodness that poor Olive has took him in!
And...
...always look on the bright side of Brett
(whistle)
Come on!
Though his bank account is like the National Debt
(whistle)
His life would well astound.
He's deaf when it's his round
But he's got Olive to help him through the sour.
Now you no longer live in sin - give the audience a grin,
And get your knob out - it's your last chance anyhow!
(No don't!)
So always look on the bright side of Brett
(whistle)
Just before you draw your terminal breath
(whistle)
His cars are never $h!t
Until he's wrecked it!
And Turbo-Charged is just his cup of brew!
He says "It's all a show", "Just keep 'em Rockin' as you go",
and "Just remember, keep your sweet guitar in tune"
And...
...always look on the bright side of Brett
(whistle)
C'mon Brett, cheer up
Always look on the right side of Brett...
It's not in the key of 'C' you know
Love costs nuffin', and he's got nothing
What have you got to lose Olive!?
Nuffin!