Being a manager

Legacy_user

...well, no details, but I'm getting childish behaviour from two of my team. Giving them space to calm down, then I'll try the rational discussion. But if that doesn't work, what can I do?

Put up with it?
Keep talking - even if they refuse?
Take disciplinary action and break down the relationship completely?

They're not bad people, but it sucks being a manager where I always have to be the adult. I don't think I'm tough enough for this, and I don't want to treat people like, well, whatever, but I currently feel that they are being unfair and I'm getting the pain of the consequences.

Just needed to let that out.... any advice?

P.S. Usually use a different username, but for this one, didn't want to just in case!

ditzyat50

If they don't stop acting like kids you have to say what will happen, and you have to mean it and stand by it. You are not their mate, you are their manager. Being a manager means being prepared to be unpopular. It comes with the territory. On a personal note, I was middle-management and got it from both sides. I since opted out because I knew it wasn't for me. Only you can decide if you can be tough enough for the role because I know it's not easy.

System

Thanks. I'm middle management too, and I know what you mean.

But, if I do take action, I really think that will affect things too, that's sort of the quandry. I'd rather try to persude rather than dictate - because at the end of the day, my taking action it won't make either side feel good!

I think I'd rather just actually respect my team, and have them respect me, but at the moment these two are making it as hard as possible. On the other side, some other team members have mentioned 'emotional' behaviour, and are distancing themselves from it (one of the two children here is trying to get everyone together away from work to discuss 'the situation', thankfully not only are the others not joining in, one of them also told me about it!)

I shouldn't let it get to me, really I shouldn't....

ditzyat50

BadManger wrote: »

I shouldn't let it get to me, really I shouldn't....

Easier said than done but do try to distant yourself from the situation and get things into perspective.

"one of the two children here is trying to get everyone together away from work to discuss 'the situation', thankfully not only are the others not joining in, one of them also told me about it!"

Sounds like one of the kids is a bit of a drama queen and in need of lots attention. Pretty sad when you think about it. Also sounds like other people have the measure of this child.. I can only suggest you act as professional as possible and try not to be too friendly to anyone. (accusations of favouritism) It can be such a nightmare being a manager, you have to be cut out for it. I wasn't but hope you manage the juggling act

Savvy_Sue

If the situation warrants everyone getting together to discuss it, then it should be done in work time. No?

Takeaway_Addict

BadManger wrote: »

Thanks. I'm middle management too, and I know what you mean.

But, if I do take action, I really think that will affect things too, that's sort of the quandry. I'd rather try to persude rather than dictate - because at the end of the day, my taking action it won't make either side feel good!

I think I'd rather just actually respect my team, and have them respect me, but at the moment these two are making it as hard as possible. On the other side, some other team members have mentioned 'emotional' behaviour, and are distancing themselves from it (one of the two children here is trying to get everyone together away from work to discuss 'the situation', thankfully not only are the others not joining in, one of them also told me about it!)

I shouldn't let it get to me, really I shouldn't....

Sorry to say but you are not helping the situation and you are being dictated to by your staff which is making the situation worse.

You need to nip this in the bud and if you need help then talk to your manager as that is what they are for.

pink_princess

Your user name is very apt

I'm guessing you are very new to management?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

What is 'the situation' that they are concerned about?

ValHaller

BadManger wrote: »

I think I'd rather just actually respect my team, and have them respect me, but at the moment these two are making it as hard as possible. On the other side, some other team members have mentioned 'emotional' behaviour, and are distancing themselves from it (one of the two children here is trying to get everyone together away from work to discuss 'the situation', thankfully not only are the others not joining in, one of them also told me about it!)

I think you need to give us some clue as to what 'the situation' is. Is it

• a breakdown in relationships within the team
• resentment of you as a manager
• changes imposed by the employer outwith your control
• some other sort of issue

Understandably, you will not want to give details, but you do need to give some indication of who the main players are in the situation, who is P ing off whom and how it has been initiated.

Then you might stand a chance at getting some meaningful input.

ILW

Are these people that used to be colleagues and now you \re their manager?

paddyrg

If people are acting like children, behave like a parent. Find the equivalent of a naughty step (maybe a remote desk somewhere) and send them there to work until they can come and apologise properly!

If there are 2+ causing trouble, there will be a ringleader. Get firm, go straight into verbal/written warning if it warrants it, or let them go if that's an option. It'll settle everyone else down sharpish ;-)