Took a hyge step yesterday

winsones

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Tixy

Hi and well done for contacting step change. Hopefully they will help you come up with a manageable plan for repaying your debts.

Don't send the payday loan companies things like your bank statements ever. When are you talking to stepchange again? Are you considering doing a DMP with them (debt management plan)

Hopefully once you have got something sorted with stepchange and a plan for repaying your debts you may then find it easier to discuss this with your OH.
As you have a joint account, and presumably a joint mortgage then once you do default on your debts it will likely affect his ability to get credit, so he may start asking questions anyway.
It would be better to come from you first - and it sounds like he perhaps thinks there may be other debts already? So hopefully you will feel strong enough to tell him in a few weeks. Its easier to admit to debts if you can say at the same time that you are back in control and have a plan of attack for them.
And once he knows hopefully he'll be able to help you with budgeting and seeing if there are any reductions you can make to your household expenses, which will mean you need to pay less in to the joint account and have more to pay to your debts.

Good luck

simeyb

Hello - well done on starting your journey - there will be tough times ahead, but you have made a brave start - right, putting the money sorting out to one side for the moment, you are clearly really worried about the reaction of your OH. The only thing I would say is, you won't know until you try. What I have said to other people before is that he is probably worried that you don't love him anymore - you haven't given him any clue that its about something like debt - so he's probably worried about your relationship - so yeah, he's going to be distraught when you tell him, not because of the amount of money, which is yeah a fair bit but lots of people spend more on a new car! He will be most upset that you felt you couldn't confide in him, so you need to make sure he knows how much you love him and were just ashamed and forgot that he married you for better AND for worse - he will feel relieved that at least you aren't having an affair!!!! Best of luck, but honesty is the best policy.

poledancer49

Best of luck. I really admire your courage and wish you the best of luck on your journey. Likewise I cannot tell my OH.....I live the life you have just described and got so fed up last week I went to the doctor's and poured my heart out. Asked if I could be going through the change as feel so overwhelmed with life but know the real reason.
These companies do make you laugh. They ask you to contact them if you have any problems with meeting payments only to tell you court action will be next!

Find_The_Real

Hello and like everyone who has said well done on taking the first steps to tackle the problem. Good news that you have the new bank account being opened as it would be a good idea to move you pay over to that asap so it cannot be touched.

It can be very difficult to come clean with those close to you regarding debts as I think most people feel a sense of shame it has come to this but I have to agree that however scary it may seem it would be best to come clean with it, I am sure they have noticed letters so are not entirely oblivious to it all and are probably waiting for something to be said.

I would be wrong to say everything will be fine as we are all different and react in different ways, but if it is affecting how you feel which will have an impact on the relationship if it is worth anything then it will survive. I dreaded telling my parents as they have been so anti-debt but they were brilliant about it all, much more than I ever thought they would be.

Good luck and I hope all goes well for you.

debtfreesoonihope2015

Hi there. First of all, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I was in the exact same position last year. I had wracked up 13k of debt and my partner just thought I was really irresponsible. Now I am not the best person to come to for Money advice as I'm in debt still and haven't improved my situation at all, however I did tell him and my life has totally changed.

Itw as an instant weight lifted off my shoulder. I told him and thought he would leave, I realised just the presumption that he would leave me made our relationship even worse. I started to get annoyed with him because of how I thought he's react.

Now it wasnt easy and we almost split up, we put back our wedding but I found it highlighted so many other issues that we have been able to work out. A biggie is that there is a reason you can't tell him and I had to face that. As a result we are stronger than ever. I was really surprised with the way he reacted too. Now I feel I have a support there when I'm having a bad month. He doesn't know about just one of my debts now but thats a long story where I lent money and never got it back and it would open a huge can of worms but all the rest is out there.
Its better than nothing xxxx

winsones

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winsones

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Find_The_Real

There never is a good time to talk about it and this is from someone who doesn't like discussing anything remotely difficult with people and who is incredibly secretive.

I can only suggest that perhaps when the paperwork comes and you have had a chance to look thought it that you sit down, say you have problems, that you have taken advice and this is where you are with it all.

Good luck as telling those close to you is sometimes one of the hardest things.

Thrifty_Pixie

well done in tackling this, and welcome to the best place to help

you say you have a mortgage with your partner? do you have any other joint finances with him? joint finances mean that your situation is affecting his credit history as well, so i think it is only fair that you tell him.

cocoa1990

This thread is couple of days old, so I hope you see this Winsones.

I never told my other half about my debts, in fact, I took out more lines of credit to keep up our life style. There was a period of him being unemployed and I paid for everything without question and never told him I was struggling. The relationship broke down and he left me, meaning I am up to my eyeballs in debt (mainly with payday loan companies, like you) and, possibly even worse, I don't have him to help support me emotionally through it.

I don't think telling him about my problems would have kept us together, but it definitely would have stopped me from spiralling into absolute meltdown like I have now. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I am feeling constantly depressed and worthless.

I really do urge you to be honest with him, he'll love you regardless.