HELP! Have cut back all I can but am still over-spending!

GreenNinja

ScrimpingandSaving wrote: »

We DO stick to own brand labels that's why I don't understand it. I know I can spend as much as £95 on the weekly shop but it can be more if I am buying birthday presents from the supermarket (for the childrens' friends or relatives) or school uniform/stationery/essentials for the kids.

We buy cheap meat cuts, I try to stick to chicken, I use the slow cooker a lot. We do go through a lot of fruit and veg and plenty of things for packed lunches such as bread, sandwich fillers, cold meats, salad, etc. The only branded items we get are tea and coffee. The rest is supermarket own label.

Hi scrimpingandsaving, the 99p shop is very good for buying multipacks of chocolate bars and multipacks of crisps. I see the same things in the supermarket for double or over double the price :j

Verbatim

Well done S&S you've done absolutely brilliantly and have the proof in your bank account! I'm amazed you stuck with the thread after the appalling responses you had to start with. You're clearly made of sterner stuff than me. I hope you have a tremendous time in Orkney and have a lot of shine and no snow, hail or sleet.

(But it is Orkney.) :A

suki1964

Hey well done you

Re the cold, believe it or not you get used to a cooler room and you dont feel cold, its baltic here atm and I never even lit the fire yesterday, I sat watching telly with a blanket - and a glass of red

The preparing for winter thread is great for finding ideas on how to keep warm, without blowing the budget on heating, book mark it for a good read through ready for next winter

Love your baking ideas. I really do my best not to throw away food but my stupid shifts change my meal plans at the drop of a hat - and food gets forgotten. Still Ive chicken carcass soup in the slow cooker and ive a pile of chicken ready to make pancakes

Yes you are right, being frugal is something good to pass on to your kids. I was talking to a work colleague yesterday. Shes looking so ill. Turns out shes up to her ears in debt she cant pay back Pay day loans taken so that her kids didnt have to have the same thrifty childhood she had :eek::eek: Im going to ask for help for her over on the dept boards because Im sure shes very close to the edge

Theres no shame in being thrifty and frugal, got to be better then living with the fear of opening the mail

ScrimpingandSaving

Suki - please show your friend this.
I grew up in a frugal household too and yes it was tough. Our clothes came from donations to jumble sales. The church let my mum sift through them first before selling them so we were often kitted out in clothes that were ill-fitting just downright awful - even for the 80s!

I'd get up in the mornings and it was so cold I could see my breath. We didn't have central heating, just a gas fire in the front room and an electric heater in the bathroom - yes you heard me right!

My mother would buy small plates to serve food on so that it looked like a bigger portion and we always had bread to add substance to the meal.

I now have 2 children of my own and yes, it is hard watching them live a frugal lifestyle too but I know that they will never suffer because of it. Yes their clothes are second hand but we have fun browing through charity shops and on ebay and they end up with Next jeans and Gap tops for just a few pounds.

They might not have everything their friends have, but they are learning to be proud to be different. I don't want them placing so much importance on material items that they are willing to get themselves into debt just so they can have the latest gadgets or a new car. That's the kind of attitude that got us all into such a mess in the first place.

Her children will never have the same kind of lifestyle she had because they have a different mother. They are growing up in a different era with a different lifestyle and I'll bet that if she was really honest with herself, it wouldn't be the poor childhood that haunts her but the misery and the worry. Well what does being in debt do to you? Even if you put on a brave face children can pick up on the anxiety and sadness - I bet she knew that her own mother was miserable even if her mother tried to hide it.

My childhood was made more miserable by the lack of love I received. My children might not have Blackberries, or the latest gear, or £20 pocket money a week or riding lessons but they are surrounded by love. We bake and cook together, we gain pleasure from simple things like visiting the library, we get exicted together when we find a brilliant Next top in the charity shop for a couple of quid, we go on long country walks together, we make birthday and Christmas presents together and we have fun doing it. This is what her children will remember, not a cold house or second-hand clothes but being brought up in a household that is full of love.

I bet her kids would give up all their material possessions just to see their mum happy.

I'm driving 750 miles in atrocious weather and spending a large amount of money to see my dad. Not because he has anything to leave me in his will, not because he will shower us with gifts and money but because I love him and he has always always shown that he loves me. That is what is important in life. My mother now has all the material possessions she ever wanted. She has a well furnished home, money in the bank, she goes on 2 holidays a year to places like Florida, Spain and Canada but she lacks love. She tried to buy my love when I was in my twenties by giving me fridges, stuff for my first child, money when I needed it but she never gave me the one thing I craved - she never loved me. My father can give me nothing. But he loves me.

I made my choice a few years ago. My mother seems happy enough with her possessions and doesn't make any effort to contact me.

Please tell her not to leave that legacy to her children. They honestly won't care if they don't have any money - kids are flexible and can cope with just about anything but the one thing they really can't deal with is a lack of love. She doesn't need to prove this with money, that means nothing to them, she can prove it by giving her time to them.

I wish her well. If I can help further, don't hesitate to PM me.

bess1234_2

Listen to you girlfriend! Wow, go girl.

Yeah sorry bout the weather for your trip. I been
watching Shetland on iplayer. Island living is a truly different experience.

Avoid service stations at all costs, you will be in tears. Toilets allowed.

suki1964

SS, Thankyou for sharing that

Me and you grew up with the same kind of background I think, and I like you have taught it to my step daughter its not possessions its love, and my grandson is a darling lad who asks for nothing and is more then happy helping granddad in the garden and washing the car

Step son - another kettle of fish - thinks the world owes him a living and for him its all about the label. His mother has also spent all her life in debt, spending to keep up with the Jones

I think though for some there really is a need to over compensate, perhaps they are trying to fix their own childhoods ?

I dont really know this woman, we pass each other on shifts.We arent "friends" as such. Just now and then she comes into work in such a mess that I keep on her to find out whats going on, and all this poured out . I cant wave a magic wand for her but Im getting some great practical advice to pass on

Kantankrus_Mare

What a lovely hearfelt poignant post!

Over the years when my children were younger and sometimes we couldnt give them everything we would have liked to, I reminded myself that at least they wouldnt grow up to be spoilt brats and at 19 and 17 they have both turned out to be a chip off the old block.

My son wont buy anything without researching and getting the best deal he can and my daughter is a workaholic and saver. In fact she is downright tight.:rotfl:

Think I might have rubbed off on them too much.

Hopee you have a lovely time with your dad and your mum doesnt know what shes missing out on.

x

ScrimpingandSaving

You're right Suki, some of my siblings have unfortunately chosen to try and fix their own childhoods through their children. My two sisters and a brother all have debt problems of their own. They have all stated that they have tried to give their children a life they never had by showering them with gifts, giving them all the material possessions they could want and never bearing to see them go without. I'm lucky that I'm one of the youngest and so was able to see the mistakes they made and pledged not to repeat the cycle.

The worst thing anyone could say to me is that I'm like my mother. I would hate that.

Show your colleague this thread. I really do hope that she is able to claw her way out of her debts. That would drive me mad with worry.

maman

Just calling by to congratulate you ss.:T:D

I had a quick look at weather coming up in Orkney and I'm certain there was a big, round yellow thing in the sky!! Have a lovely time with your dad and family.

stoplurking

Hiya really miss your updates. I hope all's well with you and yours.