oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

milann

Just been reading your diary and wanted to say `hi'
I am with you on the idea of doing what you can to reduce the debt but still living a life making special memories for the children. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I found the teenage/uni years of my children were the most expensive ever -my children did the best they could working whilst studying and rarely asked for anything but they needed help occasionally. It meant I was see-sawing with my debts but once they got jobs and were self sufficient I really got stuck into paying them off which were well over 20k - I never added the totals as I was in denial.

I'm on my last loan now - about 5 grands worth. I have saved an emergency fund which was unheard of. There is myself and dh but we both have fairly low paid jobs (which we work hard at at non the less) - Your time will come - just keep plodding on and ride the times when it gets tough - as frustrating as it is when you are working hard and feeling as if you are getting nowhere.
I couldn't ever imagine being where I am now - reasonably close to being df - I used to set myself targets to pay off by a certain time but would get really low if /when life threw a spanner in the works and didn't get there -I'd think it impossible and just blow more cash - so I changed my mindset 'to keep the debt heading in the right direction and enjoy some pleasures along the way' (good food, occasional meals out and a caravan holiday in Cornwall) I was in it for the long haul but needed to live along the way and accept 'life's spanners'- and I'm nearly there. I could probably do it much quicker but I'm happy just seeing the figures go down and enjoying life a little too.

Milann

Sazzie23

MiMi66 wrote: »

Well, this month the debt is decidedly going the wrong way! School hiday period has hit hard.
Hi Chesky - my daughter gets a small grant for uni. And thank heavens she has a brilliant attitude to money. I long struggled with the idea of asking her to pay board and decided against it as she has been so good at saving and not throwing away her small earnings that I know she will need every penny at Uni. As for being more open to cost savings? I guess we all differ in what is really valuable as a standard. Having watched Mosley's documentary this week on the meat industry I feel very validated in my views and the fact that I buy small quantities but ethically 'grown' produce. I think you might have the wrong idea. Cheap huge quantities of food that is produced like something out of a cruel nightmare is not for me or my family. So if that is what you call being resistant I am happy to take that title. Resistance is not such a bad thing when up against fundamental wrongs I think?

Thank you Debt free2012 - positive thinking is all! On a happy note I have has some unexpected news. My home bordered two properties that have HUGE trees on the fence line in their gardens. Lalandia? Spelling wrong. Anyway I have had many conversations with both neighbours who acknowledge that I live in a black out ( more war references!) but who refused to cut the trees back. I couldn't afford to do it, so accepted it as philosophically as I could. Anyway. Both neighbours have sold and moved and new neighbours (both of them) have come and asked me if I minded if they cut the trees back and put fences up instead!
Yahoo!!!! So happy!!! I didn't quite bite their hands off but certainly had teary eyes when the first neighbour with the hugest trees came to see me. It would cost many many hundreds of pounds and I am so grateful they are doing this. So maybe not entirely debt related but it means whatever I can save through to next summer I could put towards tidying up my place outside so the lovely neighbours don't have an eyesore of my house to look at! (And it might just stop it from falling down in a mass of flaking paint and rotted garage doors).

So debt. I don't know. Sometimes I panic, sometimes I am accepting. But mostly I am trying my best to get things straighter.

The kids and I have discussed Christmas already. Reconciling them to a smaller but beautiful loving Christmas which they are on board with. We are going to do a modest Christmas but one full of fun and games and time and food ('good' food). Aren't I a bit bonkers mentioning Christmas in August! Anyone else thinking ahead yet?

My intermediate goal is to have my debt down to £18500 by April 2015. I think if I can the pay off £4/5000 a year (gulp) I will be debt free in 2019. Focused. I think it helps? Realistic pace I hope?

Hi MiMi

Just reading your thread...good read, you thought about taking up writing? I've heard its possible to make cash self-publisihing if you have the skills (I think you do) .

Anyway, big hug - i think you are doing great, you've managed without pushing your debt up by much and you have plans to get it back down. Do you use spreadsheets, I find them very motivational as I can change how long I need to keep paying by changing amounts etc etc, keeps me amused anyway:rotfl:

Regards the NHS on-call, was this the new (post 2009) locally negotiated rate ? Does it mean the hours you work on call are additional to your existing or taken put of your normal hours. (Am also NHS employee and interested:o)

Keep your focus, one debt at a time, the one most likely to go up from 0% and shift it to the others if you can, I know from experience as you start to max out and only pay minimum, the rates go up and the options to shift debts reduce alot.

And keep coming back here, we're with you in spirit.

moohound

We get 85p an hour for being on call on weekdays. This is going up to £1.00 next year (Woo Hoo I think I'll book a holiday to Barbados )

This is the same trust where the ex chief exec spent £50000 on the trust credit card on luxury hotels and sunset cruises in Florida, as reported in the press recently.

This was by 'local agreement', and I too am interested in what others get

Sorry this is off topic, but it winds me up.

chevalier

I guess we will have to agree to disagree on the food. My point was that you can buy ethical food cheaper at the supermarket. But you don't want to hear about it so fair enough.

Ref your OH payments. Is this a private deal or via the CSA? If private have a look at the CSA calculator and see if you would be better off formalising the arrangement. If you are then send the calculations to your ex. He may then suddenly realise that their financial crisis is less pressing than they thought and continue to pay the current amount.

Ref your debts. I am sad that you never seem to get ahead despite struggling so hard. So a few random suggestions

Do you have any gold you could sell, eg (sorry) your wedding ring?
Could you take in a term time lodger to your daughters room?
Can your son get a paper round or similar to help out? And does the school have any help it can give as you are being squeezed (eg second hand uniform shop?)

Ref his clothes. Yes I get that kids have to have the 'cool' clothes. Believe me as the kid in hand me downs that got bullied every single day I know where you are coming from. But why not get them off ebay for half the price?

Have you looked at the Stepchange or payplan websites to look at a Debt Management Plan? Especially the Stepchange one as it has a debt remedy page and you can put in all of your income and outgoings and it will give a suggestion as to the best course of action.

What about mystery shopping or surveys?
Good luck
chev

MiMi66

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

Hi MiMi - just spotted this thread this time around.

If your daughter is eligible for a grant she may also be eligible for a bursary from her university. The Student Loans people should forward her name to the university automatically depending on household income. This happened to my daughter and two years in a row she was given a nice surprise sum by her uni.

If she needs stuff for moving into uni (e.g. saucepans, crockery etc.) - be sure to ask on Freecycle, you will be amazed what you can pick up on there.



I've already started planning for Christmas - mainly by applying for a second job because I know I can't afford Christmas otherwise. Actually, I've almost never been able to afford Christmas but this year I don't have a credit card to fall back on. :eek:

I also wanted to say not to be too envious of the 'smug marrieds'. Even with two incomes, not all couples are happy and living a life of plenty. At least being alone you have control over where your money is going and you can decide on your own priorities.

As an example, far too much of our household income goes on alcohol - and there's not a thing I can do about it.

Anyway, good luck with getting through the summer, through uni and through Christmas when it comes - your kids sound lovely.

Thanks for this Peace and Freedom - yes my daughter has applied for a bursary and I have all my fingers and toes crossed for it to come through - she has had a message from the university to say they have received a larger number of applications than usual - and so we have to wait. Freecycle is a great idea - and a kind friend of mine gave my daughter a £20 gift card for Wilkinson's as well, which will kit out the basics to s some extent. Aren't people kind!

And you are right to nicely pull me up on my 'smug married ' discrimination - a bit of 'grass is greener' thinking I am afraid - guilty as charged! And I can only imagine the frustration and feeling of powerlessness when it comes to money been spent in ways you don't agree with - must make you feel very knotted up inside.

Yes I can truly say my debt is all my own and of my making one way or another - something I am evidently skilled at.:rotfl:


As a complete aside - I have read from time to time that people in debt may experience similar poor skills in other areas of their life - poor diet leading to obesity, clutter junkies, oh I don't know what else but am sure there are other areas. Well - on that note - I am not a dreadful clutter junkie, but I do have that - 'it might be useful sometime' or 'that was £££ when I bought it 15 years ago so I can't get rid of it'...interesting isn't it. On the weight side I am blossoming.....more like a butternut pumpkin than cherry blossoms it seems - so to that end I have taking my Peri-menopausal self in hand and have started the 5:2 diet.....watch this hopefully shrinking space!

Did I mention I was hungry?

peaceandfreedom

MiMi66 wrote: »

And you are right to nicely pull me up on my 'smug married ' discrimination - a bit of 'grass is greener' thinking I am afraid - guilty as charged! And I can only imagine the frustration and feeling of powerlessness when it comes to money been spent in ways you don't agree with - must make you feel very knotted up inside.

It does make me knotted up because it seems to me to be so unfair. I spend ages trying to balance the books, not spend too much on food etc, while he is drinking a fortune every month. However, in all fairness, he pays for specific things and always pays those things, so I can't really complain about what he does with the rest of his money. But when things are so tight, money-wise, it's frustrating.

I suppose my point is that although I am married and we have two incomes, I still feel I am fighting this battle very much on my own.

MiMi66 wrote: »

Yes I can truly say my debt is all my own and of my making one way or another - something I am evidently skilled at.:rotfl:

I think you'll find there's quite a few of us on here with that particular set of skills.

MiMi66 wrote: »

As a complete aside - I have read from time to time that people in debt may experience similar poor skills in other areas of their life - poor diet lead to obesity, clutter junkies, oh I don't know what else but am sure there are other areas. |Well - on that note - I am not a dreadful clutter jun kie, but I do have that - 'it might be useful sometime' or that was £££ when I ought it 15 years ago so I can't get rid of it...interesting isn't it. On the weight side I am blossoming.....more like a butternut pumpkin than cherry blossoms it seems - so to that end I have taking my Peri-menopausal self in hand and have started the 5:2 diet.....watch this hopefully shrinking space!
Did I mention I was hungry?

There might be something in that theory. I think it's probably due to a lack of control and discipline overall. I think if you start getting to grips with one area of life, the others follow. The first thing I sorted out was my weight - by eating low-carb I lost a stone and a half and reached the lowest weight I'd been in years. I have sustained this more-or-less and am now working on dropping another half stone.

In the past few months I am much better at managing my finances - I forced myself to do this by closing my 'spending' credit card account which meant I did actually have to come up with the money for things instead of slapping stuff on credit card.

The decluttering needs more work - I'm a bit like you, I find it hard to part with my stuff 'just in case' but I'm getting better. I should be more like DD2, she chucks stuff without a backward glance.

Good luck with the 5:2 diet - lots of people reckon it works for them. I personally would only stick to a diet I know I could follow forever and therefore, low-carb is the one for me. I've never felt so good, those afternoon slumps are a thing of the past, I'm much slimmer and I'm never starving.

MiMi66

Hi Milann and thank you for your positive take on the experience of debt and child rearing years - seems like so many of us on her are in that phase of life and it's no wonder - we all try hard to make things as colourful and fun as we can and that sometime takes money - credit is a funny thing - it is given as a sign of trust by a bank and then very soon the blessing of credit can become a shackle. I am hoping that I will be debt free other than my mortgage by retirement - and then it will be time to address how that works. I guess many are wondering about how mortgages can continue to get paid when in retirement or slowing down years (not that I am there yet, but it is inthe plannable future now) - I like Chevaliers idea of a lodger - actually I am not sure if I mentioned this but I am considering having a student once my daughter is settled at university and I have stopped crying about her going .....I've become a closet weeper - but I would be howling even more if she wasn't off to do something amazing with her wonderful nature and fantastic big brain, so my weeping is only empty nest syndrome staring me in the face - that and a sense of loss of my best friend - typical single parent who has grown a tight relationship which works with her children - still - have to let go. I am taking out shares in Skype! (joke - seriously can we joke about gambling on the share market on here??)

Thank you for all those good ideas Chevalier - I will consider if I have any thing to sell that might be of value - I did put the children's cot and a BBQ on Gumtree but got no takers.

Ex husband and I struggle to have a meaningfully amicable relationship and I would hate to make that worse by challenging his maintenance amounts - he has agreed to give my daughter £50 a month at university - which he is taking from what he pays to me at present - that is logical and understandable. I really don't want to inflame any resentments he might have - daft I know but ex partner relations are tricky.

My son is starting to look for a weekend job - just a mini job to give him some pocket money - My daughter did a 4 hours a week post from the end of GCSE's which turned into many more hours over the last 12 months of 'gap' year. Hopefully my son might be fortunate enough to get something that grows with him as well. The local paper round is locked down by a young man who then enlists his younger brother and his parents to do it for him...odd.

Hi Sazzie 23 - thank you for the compliment on my writing! Very flattering and nice to know I can write a good read, so to speak. I have often day dreamed about taking astep towards writing - I love reading and have always had a bent towards the creative (handy in terms of 'creative' finances!). I did get a runner-up prize in a short story competition many years ago - maybe I ought to give it some thought and see. My work colleagues would laugh - I already get grief about my purple prose emails...

MiMi66

moohound wrote: »

We get 85p an hour for being on call on weekdays. This is going up to £1.00 next year (Woo Hoo I think I'll book a holiday to Barbados [IMG]file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Yvette\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image001.gif[/IMG])

This is the same trust where the ex chief exec spent £50000 on the trust credit card on luxury hotels and sunset cruises in Florida, as reported in the press recently.

This was by 'local agreement', and I too am interested in what others get

Sorry this is off topic, but it winds me up.

Hi Moohound and Sazzie 23 - so the on call debacle.... £1 an hour is bonkers as well - Honestly people in the higher up posts would either not do it or they would ensure their base pay is elevated to incorporate on call payment at a reasonable and respectable rate. I do know the NHS is struggling but it still amazes me that they can find money to spend in large amounts when they are tightening up on all the very small savings. Example of this - my Trust wasted a £400 000 award for IT on kit that doesn't have the spec to do what we need it to do. It can't be returned either. This error appears to be being ignored by the great and the good, whereas if I, or one of my colleagues were to mismanage a budget to a tenth of that we would be put through capability and taken out of our posts.

Our pay award is still the national one - but I know local pay agreements are coming - the threat keeps hanging over us - I was looking at posts in Bristol and wondering about a change an noted that all the post were through new organisations that have links with the NHS but are not the NHS - they are masquerading as NHS though, and I think the general public is oblivious to it. How long has yours been locally agreed??


So Moohound I understand the feeling of being wound up - two weeks leave is over for me now and back to the mill tomorrow - where I shall think calm thoughts....la la la....

peaceandfreedom

MiMi66 wrote: »

Hi Sazzie 23 - thank you for the compliment on my writing! Very flattering and nice to know I can write a good read, so to speak. I have often day dreamed about taking astep towards writing - I love reading and have always had a bent towards the creative (handy in terms of 'creative' finances!). I did get a runner-up prize in a short story competition many years ago - maybe I ought to give it some thought and see. My work colleagues would laugh - I already get grief about my purple prose emails...

You could have a go at Futurelearn's MOOC on writing fiction - it's free:
https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/start-writing-fiction-2

You never know where it might lead!

MiMi66

Sazzie23 wrote: »

Hi MiMi

Just reading your thread...good read, you thought about taking up writing? I've heard its possible to make cash self-publisihing if you have the skills (I think you do) .

Anyway, big hug - i think you are doing great, you've managed without pushing your debt up by much and you have plans to get it back down. Do you use spreadsheets, I find them very motivational as I can change how long I need to keep paying by changing amounts etc etc, keeps me amused anyway:rotfl:

Regards the NHS on-call, was this the new (post 2009) locally negotiated rate ? Does it mean the hours you work on call are additional to your existing or taken put of your normal hours. (Am also NHS employee and interested:o)

Keep your focus, one debt at a time, the one most likely to go up from 0% and shift it to the others if you can, I know from experience as you start to max out and only pay minimum, the rates go up and the options to shift debts reduce alot.

And keep coming back here, we're with you in spirit.

Hi Sazzie23

My on call hours are in addition to the ones I am contracted to - but I have optionto say no - the post contract we sign includes our partaking in the on call rota - but nothing about the remuneration, I don't think so anyway...

Yes I love spreadsheets - I can spent hours fiddling away with mine and looking at all the different configurations that ultimately end up the same! I am a self taught Excel fiend!

I recently changed my banking provider and I was open with them about my CC debt - they offered me a loan that would cover 15,000 of it - for 6.2% - I am thinking on that - not sure - whether to go the consolidation route or not. Chevalier suggested STEP Change which I did aboout 18 months ago - might be time to revisit them - again after my chick has flown off to UCL. One thing at a time.

Out of interest - do you know anything a bout self publishing and how to get started in that? Nice idea, and with the additional time I might have once my daughter goes off, perhaps I could really consider if I have the willpower to write some thing that might be marketable.

Thank you for the hug too!:T