Is this normal for a church?

rev_henry

We've just had the details through for our C of E wedding, and we're not really particularly happy with certain things.

Firstly, they seem to have added loads of things on to the bill, which according to the C of E website shouldn't happen - £50 admin, £80 something else, verger appears compulsory (why do I need this?)

Secondly, they have all but said we must use their 'preferred' photographer. I am not interested in this, their photographer sounds expensive, may not do the kinda thing we like, and our chosen photographers are friends of my OHs (so know what we want).

They've just told us when the rehearsal is - no question of when might be mutually convenient, and said that everyone should ideally be there, which will be difficult given everyone is spread out across much of the country and won't come together until the actual day.

I just generally get the feeling we're a nuisance to the church and that its not our day, its theirs. Its not our local church, we're using it via the parental connection option in the law. So we haven't just picked it out of the blue because its in the countryside or something and we're not just attending the bare minimum to satisfy residency, its special to our family, yet we feel like part of a production line almost!

We wanted a church wedding because, well, I think the declaration of marriage before God is much more important than just a legal document, the C of E website is all about advertising how great church weddings are, but if this is what its like I can see why people don't!

Anyone have any ideas?

Thriftygifty

That doesnt sound right at all.

We are getting married in a church this year and have met with the vicar once we were due to see him again to run through the service but keep missing each other. We've booked our wedding and nothing was said about admin fees or having to use a certain photographer if anything he advised speaking to people recently married for budget saving tips! Ours isnt our local church but is in our extended parish so we could marry there, I do feel like we are just in the que with everyone else but thats fair enough as we dont attend, I also think it's unfair that they can decide the price to charge ie I know a few people who's services have been free because they know the vicar I think thats alittle unfair as surely everyone marrying in the church is on the same level so should be charged the same.

My advice would be to speak to your local church without the other knowing and ask if you were to marry there would there be admin fees etc, dont mention you are getting married at the other just say you were after some general advice and see what comes back. Then maybe speak with the one whos marrying you. I think they all vary. I would be enclined not to get married there if thats the attitude of him. Our vicar is lovely, slightly excentric and intense but nice all the same. Hope you get it sorted.

cats2012

This is wrong!!

We're having a church wedding, have met the vicar 3 times and they're amazing.

The fees should be set nationally - I believe all the bits and bobs are compulsory, but for example if you're not having bells or choir (like us) it should be £506.

You should also have choice about loads of things, if they're being a problem don't be afraid to say so!!!

If you need any specific advice feel free to PM me and I'll help if I can

lil_miss_insanity

Hi, the only bit I would say you can't get away with is the verger. For a church of a certain size they have to have one for health and safety reasons. Small ones is optional. I did have an issue with part of it, where I was told I had to attend a certain (highly inconvenient) organisation meeting because they do it for several couples together and aren't flexible at all. So I'm now having to do a 420mile round trip 2 weekends running. I hope the rehearsal isn't the same issue. I can't even guarantee the groom would make it!

rev_henry

Thanks for everyone's help! I've found this, so what they're trying to do is blatantly illegal it would seem. Just not sure what to do about it! There are a few other things in this letter which are also not allowed, which I'm not so bothered about.

http://justforvicars-yourchurchwedding.org/index.php/resources/factsheets/wedding-fees

They've also said we're not allowed our own organist, which I think is fair enough if someone wanted to fly the best organist in from London because theirs wasn't good enough or something, but we really wanted one of our friends to do it. They won't even discuss it, just said no, we have to pay for theirs.
Tbh I have that many friends involved with church music etc all we really need is literally the vicar and the church!

So we're really not sure what to do about it now. Put a deposit down on the venue nearby, and I don't think we'd have any right to marry in another nearby church. Besides, we've had our hearts set on that one.

I should say the vicar is lovely in person, just I think its his secretary sending out these curt letters.

Mrs_Bones

rev_henry wrote: »

I should say the vicar is lovely in person, just I think its his secretary sending out these curt letters.

In that case have you spoken to the vicar directly and pointed out your concerns?

floss2

rev_henry wrote: »

....They've also said we're not allowed our own organist, which I think is fair enough if someone wanted to fly the best organist in from London because theirs wasn't good enough or something, but we really wanted one of our friends to do it. They won't even discuss it, just said no, we have to pay for theirs.
Tbh I have that many friends involved with church music etc all we really need is literally the vicar and the church!

So we're really not sure what to do about it now. Put a deposit down on the venue nearby, and I don't think we'd have any right to marry in another nearby church. Besides, we've had our hearts set on that one.

I should say the vicar is lovely in person, just I think its his secretary sending out these curt letters.

There's your answer - ask for a meeting with the vicar, or ask after a service if you can arrange to have a chat about your concerns. Then when you meet him, tell him your plans - own (friend) photographer, own (friend) organist etc.

Be very tactful though, as it may be his wife / daughter / girlfriend who does his secretarial work for him

rev_henry

Hmm, I'm just not sure how to approach it with him, can't exactly storm in saying 'you're breaking the law!' About the organist, I understand it was brought up at a meeting and came back with a blanket no, secretary wouldn't even discuss it further when I tried to explain the circumstances.

soteman

If there is another church available near the venue, then I would try there. We are getting married in one that we have no connection to, and they just want us to attend once every 6 weeks for a couple of months so we are "worshipers".

Another church actually offered to take a suitcase of our stuff and leave it at a parishioner's house for 15 days so that we were temporary residents and could get married that way. This was of course at a cost however (something again that I suspect they aren't supposed to do!)

JoshP

Sounds very dodgy in parts, especially regarding the photographer, I would try and contact someone at the local diocese and get clarity on all the points mentioned. Some people in life seem to love to make everyone elses life awkward. If you have clarification from the diocese you can then take this as what is actually supposed to be happening and also can state this if they continue to be awkward!

floss2

rev_henry wrote: »

....About the organist, I understand it was brought up at a meeting and came back with a blanket no, secretary wouldn't even discuss it further when I tried to explain the circumstances.

All the more reason to ask why not when you get to speak to the vicar...although it sounds like it maybe a bit like trying to get past a Dr's receptionist

Or check the "rules" on their dioscese website? Then you have something to challenge them with...but you might want to try & find a different church just in case.