Financing Retirement Home Living.

Mojisola

WoodruffsDad wrote: »

But then, on a purely mercenary note, bang goes my wife's inheritance!

WoodruffsDad wrote: »

My post was made "tongue in cheek"! We don't NEED the inheritance. My mother-in-law's safety and comfort is paramount in her remaining years.

Please try and obtain a sense of humour!

Trouble is, on the internet no-one can hear your tone of voice! My Dad's wellbeing guides all our decisions but we've made similar jokes.

The first thing is to make sure that she is getting all the benefits she's entitled to. AA comes at two rates according to need.

Add up all the money that she has coming in and see what the difference is between that and the cost of the home. That's the amount that has to be found each week.

That could be done by selling the flat and investing the money. If the figures add up and it's allowed, the flat could be rented out. She could take a gamble on an annuity. The family might be in a position to make up the difference and keep the flat. And so on...

WoodruffsDad

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

The problem is, Woodruff's Dad, that we get so many people asking how they CAN avoid paying the fees so that they can have an inheritance, without due regard to the elderly person's welfare, that the sense of humour has gone a bit AWOL. Sorry if you have been wrongly put into that category.

Like someone has mentioned, I would look into Attendance Allowance, but she may still have to sell her flat to fund her place in the home. It might be best to get professional advice.

We are prepared for her to have to sell her flat and we knew that, if this day ever came, we would have to do so. Now, our task is to find a GOOD retirement home. There are so many bad ones out there!

Mojisola

WoodruffsDad wrote: »

Now, our task is to find a GOOD retirement home. There are so many bad ones out there!

AgeUK do a checklist of things to look out for.

Also, visit on spec initially so that you can see the place "as it is". We ruled out several homes after a first, very short look round. Others we would have been quite happy to move into straight away ourselves!

Look at the pictures on the noticeboards - if they're supposed to be displaying all the activities that happen and, in March, the pictures are still of Christmas events, there's probably not very much going on, whatever claims are made.

Look at how open the staff are with you - does everyone greet you - and how much are they interacting with the residents? The places where the residents are all slumped in chairs while the staff walk round on "guard duty" should be avoided.

It's really important to fit the home to the person. We visited some lovely places that my Dad wouldn't have liked because they were too posh for him and the menus very upmarket, cordon bleu style.

For him to feel comfortable, we had to find a home that was "homely" and relaxed and provided simple, home cooking type meals. A friend's mother, who really enjoyed taking holidays in smart hotels, is in one the more upmarket places and thinks she's on a permanent holiday! Horses for courses.:)

le_loup

Mojisola wrote: »

and the menus very upmarket, cordon bleu style.

Ooooh, give me the name, I'll sign up tomorrow!

Mojisola

le_loup wrote: »

Ooooh, give me the name, I'll sign up tomorrow!

Only drawback - £1000k a week bill!

le_loup

Mojisola wrote: »

Only drawback - £1000k a week bill!

Big enough drawback ... but it does sound good.

SandraScarlett

WoodruffsDad wrote: »

We are prepared for her to have to sell her flat and we knew that, if this day ever came, we would have to do so. Now, our task is to find a GOOD retirement home. There are so many bad ones out there!

First of all, good luck with this. I had a similar problem in the late 1980s, when my Mum, a widow, first went into a home, following a lengthy stay in hospital. First of all, I went through a checklist looking for things that were important to Mum, like a hairdresser coming every week, good food, lift, hoist, own room, pleasant staff.

Then, my DH and I went, unannounced, to several homes, where I took photos, and spoke to the residents in the lounge. Some of these places frankly made my eyes water with a strong ammonia smell, others had miserable looking staff, dirty floors, frightened looking residents.

Eventually Mum went to one, self funding, and she was there for over 7 years, till she died peacefully, by which time her money from the sale of her house had almost run out. I was thrilled that I'd had peace of mind whilst she was there, for example when she fell out of the bed I was immediately phoned, told the situation and that the doctor was on his way.

No matter what time of the day visitors arrived, a tray of tea or coffee, and biscuits or pastries, would be brought to her room, and their chef was absolutely superb.

In 1996, 17 years ago, this was costing nearly £2,000 a month, probably nearly that each week now, but in my view, worth every penny. My darling brother resented every day she was there because he kept moaning about his inheritance being "squandered". I haven't set eyes on him since the funeral.:j

Since my Mum died, I don't have a single regret about her care. I found the very best that she could afford, and, visited her as frequently as I could (several times a week). My brother was always "too busy". Families - grrrrr! :mad:

xx

margaretclare

WoodruffsDad wrote: »

But then, on a purely mercenary note, bang goes my wife's inheritance!

And I am supposed to assume that this was written 'tongue in cheek' and it is I who am at fault, accused of having no sense of humour.

The sentence I've quoted above is simply words on a page. I cannot see the twinkle (if any) in your eye, cannot hear the tone of voice, can only read in black-and-white what was written. Perhaps it would have been better had you not mentioned the word 'inheritance'.

WoodruffsDad

margaretclare wrote: »

And I am supposed to assume that this was written 'tongue in cheek' and it is I who am at fault, accused of having no sense of humour.

The sentence I've quoted above is simply words on a page. I cannot see the twinkle (if any) in your eye, cannot hear the tone of voice, can only read in black-and-white what was written. Perhaps it would have been better had you not mentioned the word 'inheritance'.

I can assure you that I really could not care about the "inheritance". After all, it's my mother-in-law's money and she can do what she pleases with it. I just want her to enjoy her remaining years in safety and comfort. My ill-chosen remark was made in order to make light of a sad situation.

Don't always take remarks too literally!

margaretclare

Unfortunately, on a site like this, there is no way of telling which 'remarks' are meant to be taken 'literally' and which are not.