Wedding Guest Dilemma

lucylocket35

I'm getting married in November. I have my guest list drawn up, which was fairly easy because me and other half both have smalllish families and only a small circle of friends. We live South Lincs, but are planning the wedding in Yorkshire (where I originally come from and where all my family are). One of the people on my guest list is causing me a bit of a dilemma. She lives here in south lincs, and if she was to attend she would have to travel and probably stay in a hotel. She is currently in the process of splitting up with her partner, so by the time the wedding comes she will probably be a single mum on a limited income. I don't think she would be able to afford it. She is a very good friend, and I really would like her at my wedding. My dilemma is, do I offer to pay for her a hotel room (and possibly train ticket) when I am having to scrimp and save to be able to afford my wedding?

Your thoughts on my dilemma would be greatly appreciated!

Idiophreak

Just depends on how much you want her there, really, doesn't it?

If you could stretch to it and it's important to you to have her there, it sounds like a good use of your money. If not, she can try and save some money of her own to attend. Or a compromise, just write something personal in the invite, say you'd love them to be there and please discuss it with you if the travel's an issue - you might be able to help.

Just remember, though, that it *is* your wedding - you're expected to have to scrimp and save to pay for it, the guests aren't

dotchas

Is there anyone who could offer her a lift to make the trip more affordable?

Jox

She has 10 months to save up for the train fare and hotel.

If you want to offer to contribute if she is struggling, but I wouldn't pay the whole amount unless she is a very dear friend.

melanzana

Let her decide. Invite her and say you understand completely If she cannot make it.

If she can, she will, if she cannot, she knows you understand her situation. TBH a relationship break up and becoming a single parent may be all she can deal with this year. But who knows? You dont know either. She may be perfectly able to go under her own steam.

I personally would not offer to pay her travel and accom. She is an adult Nd can decide herself.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you will see her before and after the big day. Someone can photoshop her into a wedding photo if that is important to both of you.

Weddings can cause such angst, but only if B and G make it that way.

Bella73

If it were me I would tell her now the date you are getting married and that you would like her to attend she has 10 months to save if she wants to go, like someone else said not being rude but she might not want to go if she is going to be a single Mum, after all she might not be able to get childcare for a weekend away even if you paid and she might actually find it a little insulting if you offered to pay.

Just don't get upset if she can't go.

whitewing

I wouldn't pay-apart from anything else if she misses it because a child is ill, but I would (probably) invite her, maybe the children if you are having children, but also +1 other. Then she has better flexibility to suit her circumstances at the time. She could do a family holiday in the area or be up and down quicker if need be.

I'd also try and keep it all open as long as possible because of her current circumstances - she may not know what happening next week, let alone so far in the future.

You're very thoughtful.

Justengaged

It might be worth booking a room in a local travelodge or something similar, they are alot cheaper the further out you book, some as cheap as £19. If she booked that now (while she's not struggling with finances as much by sounds of it), then she'd get a bargain.

Travel wise, perhaps someone could give her a lift there and back as others are coming from the same area as her that way costs are kept to a minimum nearer the time?

Mrs_Bones

I wouldn't offer to pay unless it's really important to you that she is there. If you have family there is there anyone who could put her up for the night? We did that for some guests that had to travel to a family wedding. At least then she would only have to find travel costs.

As someone else has said though, she may feel she has to regretfully decline if she will be a single mum at the time and child care becomes an issue. If so just remember to save her some wedding cake so she knows she was not forgotten.