CSA Order Of Sale - Help!!!

anonx_2

ahhh - i re - read your post which says at the end you are going through the same process

but still, would you see a child and/or your child's father on the street because you wanted more money ? your obviously not homeless and managing ok

i dont understand the heartlessness

clearingout

I lost my home as a direct result of my marriage breakdown, yes. Had my ex been 'fair' with money and been even a tiny bit reasonable, it wouldn't have had to happen. He knows that. He didn't care. He didn't care because he assumed that the courts would simply hand the children to him as 'bad mothers' (which is what he called me in this situation) are able to keep a roof over the heads of their children. My situation was more complex than most in that the ex and I had two properties and I was an owner of both - meaning I wasn't eligible for Housing Benefit when the one I was living in was sold and I had no access to the second - it's a very difficult situation to find yourself in. He was also clever enough to get the courts involved but thankfully, they saw through it and I was able to return to my home town where the equity from the family home and some support from my mum meant that we weren't homeless. But that was luck (and a solicitor who waited for her legal fees). Others in my situation have ended up in far worse situations.

As for assuming I'm doing OK, you have no idea. No idea of my outgoings/incomings, no idea of the quality of my life (or that of our children, and in particular how that might compare with the quality of life my ex leads and the holidays he takes leaving our children at home, for example), what I may or may not have in the bank, what I have in pensions vs. my age, and even though we have a roof over our heads, you have no idea of the state it is in, the amount I fork out in childcare each month etc. etc. etc. That's despite my working full time and receiving 'all the benefits'.

I have always said that even if I were a millionaire in my own right, this would not negate my ex's moral (let alone legal) responsibility to provide financial support for his children. It is not acceptable that much wanted, planned for children born within marriage are financially abandonned by one of their parents.It is neglect. I would fight this regardless of my financial circumstances because that is the right thing to do. No one gets to stick to fingers up our children the way my ex is doing without me fighting it. I have more self respect than that and I believe very strongly that our children should see their father make a contribution to their basic living costs. So yes, I will see the roof taken from over my ex's head if at all possible. It is unlikely to happen, however, for long and boring reasons I'm not going into, depsite the fact that the CSA have already securd an Order of Sale.

anonx_2

sadly any parent waring in court will describe the other parent as unfit, its a given norm. i really feel for you clearingout and im sorry that your in the position your in , on the positive you have your own home, no matter what the condition.

sadly morals doesnt come into laws, life would be better if it did, but different people have different morals so it wouldn't work. how long have you been apart ? dont compare your life with his, as you will feel grievance, he may have the holidays the life style, the good life as you see it, but you miss the obvious, you have the best of all his good life, you have the children with you.

please learn to let go of your anger, start to simmer and let go, your life will be more peaceful and gradually happier. situations in life are part of life, they are experiences experienced,

clearingout

anonx, it has been over 4 years. I make no comparison of our lives, only to demonstrate that my ex is not someone struggling on minimum wage (these men and women I really do feel for and I acknowledge the impact having to pay maintenance can have on those at the bottom of the earning ladder) but is someone able to afford a few of life's luxuries and then some. I fully acknowledge that things could have turned out very different and that I have been far luckier than many. Overall, I would say I'm perfectly happy with my life as it is today and I have made my peace with the failure of my marriage and accept wholeheartedly that there is little that could have been done to save it at the point it all fell apart. Indeed, my ex isn't a very nice person and the sense of relief when he left, even though I didn't want him to leave, was immediate.

I am fully open to mediation, counselling, therapy, round table with solicitors with my ex and always have been. I have tried and tried to reason with him and have offered many opportunities to pay directly for items for the children's use (ie. for activities, haircuts, school uniform) rather than give me money (I know that must feel awful for some people). I am happy to accept far less than the CSA have assessed him at. Nothing. So CSA it is. I would happily drop them tomorrow if he wanted to make a private arrangement and start paying from today forwards.

Please don't confuse my desire to give my children the life they deserve (and be under no illusion, my ex has regular contact and I have never knowingly stood in the way of this - my ex would tell you different, of course!) with bitterness or lingering anger. The CSA is a little hobby of mine and not one I'm giving up!