MOOLOO'S Muddling on into 2013

Almost-free

As a long term reader of Mooloo's thread I have to say I feel very sorry for her son.

I feel he has been totally disadvantaged by all the drama surrounding his sisters and Mooloo's understandable immersion in their lives . I honestly feel that he has come to believe that the only way he can get any attention in this dysfunctional family is to behave badly and as helplessly as his sisters. I know I will get flamed for this because whenever I have seen anyone speaking up for the lad on this thread, the poster has always been criticised and flamed.

Am not saying that I would have done any better than Mooloo. I would hope that I might have stood back long enough to recognise the growing needs of my son and stand back from the girls long enough to find an extra ounce of attention and guidance for him, but as I am not standing in her shoes I can't honestly say I would have.

At this point it is almost impossible to reverse the damage. He must look around at his sisters and niece and think 'what happened to my share?' The siblings in families with kids with special needs are always in danger of being neglected in this way. You are all incredibly critical of this young man, but no way as he had a level playing field.

As hard as it would have been Mooloo should have stood back years ago and let social services step up to the plate . As it is she has one daughter jealous of the other because she took on one twin's child and not the other's who were adopted. The son has been left seemingly rudderless and feeling unsupported and resentful.It's disgusting how Mooloo and her family have been let down by the 'system' in this country, but whilst she was willing to pick up the slack they were never going to come up with the goods. Her ex husband should also be thoroughly ashamed of himself for not helping!

I am only surprised that her son has done as well as he has-he still sounds like a very nice young man to me. Not doing housework etc is common amongst young people and maybe he feels he never had the chance to have a normal teenager life and is having it now! At least he is not out mugging old ladies or ripping lead off church roofs! Give the lad a break please.

Eager_Elephant

Mooloo wrote: »

Twin1's BF has arrived up here and just gave me a hell of a shock, Gizmo I think I may be needing your calming influence here. He said that they intend on going after having DGD in their care, and that his sister is a social worker who said she will help them!
I nearly broke down there and then, but managed to say stiffly that I would not be happy, and would be very upset as DGD is my life.
I feel very vulnerable and the thought of fighting them through the courts etc is stressing me out.
I can't imagine life without DGD here with me.
I am gutted.
I realise that the probability of the courts agreeing is quite slim, but it's the thought of having it all to go through that is already stressing me out.

How long has Twin 1 been with this boy? How did she meet him?
Does anyone know his background?
It just seems odd that he has come up to your town and started spouting all this nonsense - maybe he doesn't realise how demanding having a child is - would Twin1 have been able to visit him at the drop of a hat like she has been doing?

I can't help thinking he is trying to divide the family so you and Twin 1 stop talking and she can move down with him?

I can't see the court letting her have DGD, Twin 1 does not have the ability to bring up DGD due to her disabilities and having a male on the scene means nothing - there is no guarantee they will be together forever.

Please try not to worry about this

Eager_Elephant

Almost-free wrote: »

As a long term reader of Mooloo's thread I have to say I feel very sorry for her son.

I feel he has been totally disadvantaged by all the drama surrounding his sisters and Mooloo's understandable immersion in their lives . I honestly feel that he has come to believe that the only way he can get any attention in this dysfunctional family is to behave badly and as helplessly as his sisters. I know I will get flamed for this because whenever I have seen anyone speaking up for the lad on this thread, the poster has always been criticised and flamed.

Am not saying that I would have done any better than Mooloo. I would hope that I might have stood back long enough to recognise the growing needs of my son and stand back from the girls long enough to find an extra ounce of attention and guidance for him, but as I am not standing in her shoes I can't honestly say I would have.

At this point it is almost impossible to reverse the damage. He must look around at his sisters and niece and think 'what happened to my share?' The siblings in families with kids with special needs are always in danger of being neglected in this way. You are all incredibly critical of this young man, but no way as he had a level playing field.

As hard as it would have been Mooloo should have stood back years ago and let social services step up to the plate . As it is she has one daughter jealous of the other because she took on one twin's child and not the other's who were adopted. The son has been left seemingly rudderless and feeling unsupported and resentful.It's disgusting how Mooloo and her family have been let down by the 'system' in this country, but whilst she was willing to pick up the slack they were never going to come up with the goods. Her ex husband should also be thoroughly ashamed of himself for not helping!

I am only surprised that her son has done as well as he has-he still sounds like a very nice young man to me. Not doing housework etc is common amongst young people and maybe he feels he never had the chance to have a normal teenager life and is having it now! At least he is not out mugging old ladies or ripping lead off church roofs! Give the lad a break please.

I don't think anyone has said that Mooloo's son is a really bad lad - we all understand that he has had a hard life (more so than other lads his age) but not helping his mother when she is disabled is not on.

I would say this to anyone who posted about their teenage son - I would expect similar responses if I posted about my teenage son.

In fact I think the majority do post to say we have teenage son's just like him and it is hard to get them to change.
My son has had an alright life (in that I don't have disabled children that took up my time) but he is stil very selfish and I have been through/am going through a lot of what Mooloo does.

Obviously Mooloo's son needs to have counselling but I doubt he would be up for that.

Instead of picking on Mooloo I think we should be congratulating her on what she has managed to achieve with her family - I agree when you say she has been let down by the system and her ex-husband but that cannot be changed now.
We on here need to be supportive of Mooloo during this difficult time and to be honest I think you could have posted your thoughts at a different time considering what has happened yesterday.

I know Mooloo appreciates all comments - positive and negative and if she didn't she would not be posting on a open forum.

Now that Mooloo's children are adults she has to let them get on with things - she cannot live their lives for them and I think she does a great job dealing with the Twins and their needs while maintaining her own life with DGD.

tired_mum

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

I don't think anyone has said that Mooloo's son is a really bad lad - we all understand that he has had a hard life (more so than other lads his age) but not helping his mother when she is disabled is not on.

I would say this to anyone who posted about their teenage son - I would expect similar responses if I posted about my teenage son.

In fact I think the majority do post to say we have teenage son's just like him and it is hard to get them to change.
My son has had an alright life (in that I don't have disabled children that took up my time) but he is stil very selfish and I have been through/am going through a lot of what Mooloo does.

Obviously Mooloo's son needs to have counselling but I doubt he would be up for that.

Instead of picking on Mooloo I think we should be congratulating her on what she has managed to achieve with her family - I agree when you say she has been let down by the system and her ex-husband but that cannot be changed now.
We on here need to be supportive of Mooloo during this difficult time and to be honest I think you could have posted your thoughts at a different time considering what has happened yesterday.

I know Mooloo appreciates all comments - positive and negative and if she didn't she would not be posting on a open forum.

Now that Mooloo's children are adults she has to let them get on with things - she cannot live their lives for them and I think she does a great job dealing with the Twins and their needs while maintaining her own life with DGD.

But thats the point no one is picking on Mooloo are they ? they are saying that when people pass comment on how if her son was a lodger he would be asked to leave that is not really appropriate
Maybe if Mooloo is as disabled as you suggest then he feels like a carrer and not her son all he will listen too is tales of his sisters and how needy they are and how wonderful DGD is
When you post details about your private life on the internet then you can expect people to pass comment whether you agree with them or not
As for her DGD if Moolo is so disabled as you report is that really the type of home that a growing child needs you seem to be painting a picture of a fragile woman who can barely cope with day to day life
This is definately not the Mooloo that i have followed for the past few years she is a loving caring mother/Grandmother who is doing a wonderful job with her children and whose health is only on the up and her life is now coming into its own with her independence with working and meeting new people at the school
As for you saying that her son probably wouldnt go to counselling have you asked him or is this again an assumption?

Errata

People will have an opinion, but I can't see how what appears to be taking sides on her situation can be of any useful help.
I hope her eldest daughter's boyfriend is spouting hot air, it seems a daft idea when he's only been around for not much mor than five minutes.

Savvy_sewing

Appreciate the comments.
My disabilities were crippling several years ago and It was touch and go as to my abilities to keep DGD. But I have challenged the medical problems, have weened myself off of the 31 tablets a day I used to be on. I now can walk again, and although my left side is still weak, and there is pain on the whole I am fine.
DS has ever done any caring for me other then to do the grass, or take the bins out.
I do as much for him, as I do for the twins. I support him, guide him, feed and clothe him. I have never ever abandoned him.
I supported him when he got into trouble when he was 15/16.
I do what I can and he doesn't feel that he was left out in the cold.
He is just young and doesn't think!
My eldest daughter is well adjusted, has a beautiful daughter, a good job, and a decent fella.

What I will say is WE ARE NOT a DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY.
Wenay not be a stereo typical family, but we are a family, a close family, and as children they never went without even though their father left when DS was 1.
DGD is a normal little 6 year old, who is exactly the same as her school mates. She is a normal child not a dysfunctional one.
If we were so dysfunctional the courts would not have agreed she stayed with me.
Yes twin 2 sometimes gets upset at her sister because she can see her child but twin2 cannot. (Officially). But they are in and out of each others pockets most of the time.
Walk a mile in my shoes and you will see that actually on the whole I am a very strong woman, I have faced more challenges then most, but I manage and we are still here.
I don't always feel like it, I will put my life here, no holds barred, as this was the place I turned too in 2007 and have a family of MSE supporters that have cried with me, sworn with me, rejoiced and celebrated with me. Plenty have met me in real life too.
I cannot be perfect, I am not superwoman, but I am human, sensitive, frustrated, and often flummoxed.

DS is a huge part of my life, as is DGD. But so are my other children and grandchildren.

jamieboy

Don't often post but do read, this brought a tear to my eye, very well said Mooloo.

Savvy_sewing

jamieboy wrote: »

Don't often post but do read, this brought a tear to my eye, very well said Mooloo.

I just said it as I felt it. I rarely prepare what I have to say. It just flows so to speak.
Thankyou for taking time to comment. I appreciate it.
Just waiting for DGD to come home, she's been out to Messy Church with one of the families from school.
We have put the tree up, and it's twinkling away in the corner.
DShas gone to dinner at his girlfriends. She stayed here last night. She seems a lovely girl. DGD likes her! Pestering a bit but the girl was very good and patient with her.
Yesterday DGD had a birthday party to go to, and then along with my BF we went to dinner at Biggest of Mooloos as her BF is away with his job. We had a pleasant time and the granddaughters played well together.
All in all other then twin1's announcement it wasn't a bad weekend.

Savvy_sewing

Nothing major up today thank goodness. dS collected DGD from afterschool club for me allowing me to rest a bit and use my heat pad on my back. Am having trouble with my back at the moment, but not as bad as it was.
DGD has her school Christmas dinner tomorrow, the nativity on Wednesday.
Santa day on Monday, Christmas jumper day on Tuesday and Christmas party on the Thursday. Am exhausted just thinking about it all.
Was at work today, making new skirts out of old ones. Time flew.
Started my Christmas shopping this evening. Eek so much to do.

Savvy_sewing

A day at home, as DGD is still running a temperature.
No Christmas Dinner for her!