Relationship help - its a long post I'm sorry

Prudent

laurel7172 wrote: »

When I was 27, I had a child with a selfish juvenile like this. And another at 30. Unsurprisingly, I was divorced at 32.

Don't make the same mistake, my dear. "Men" like this don't step up to the mark because they get married (even if it was their idea). They don't step up to the mark because you buy a house (even if it was their idea) and they most definitely don't step up to the mark when you have a child (even if...you get the picture). Mine threw tantrums like a two year old because he had to share my attention...

You've already wasted years hoping that he'll grow up-have children with somebody who deserves you-and them. xx

I strongly agree with this post. When my hubby and I split I realised his contribution to the housework had been putting out the bins. I had a child with him and years later when she was a teenager she came back from a school trip with this fridge magnet for me:



It was so apt!

princess_loki

Your original post sounds like one of mine from a few years back. It was hard but I got rid of him and can't believe how happy I am now!! I have two cats and lots of friends.

If my house is a mess it is my mess. If I only want a snack for dinner I have that and if I want to pig out on a pizza then I can. I come home and the house is still tidy. The bathroom and kitchen don't need cleaning as often. The house is quiet when I want to sleep and there is no one making tea at 2am because that is the time they like to be awake.

I can watch what I want on tv or just read a book. I go out and visit friends when I want without having to answer to anyone. I can even have my friends over to visit as I am not having to please a lazy man who does nothing.

Believe me getting rid will be the best thing you ever did. BUT it will be hard at first. You will find yourself wanting to talk to him about your day (regardless of the fact that he probably doesn't listen now anyway!). You will cook too much dinner and you will wonder what to do with all the extra time that you have which you used to spend on looking after him.

Buy an electric blanket and get a radio alarm clock - blanket will keep you warm and radio will cheer you up in the morning before work and you can even talk to it while you are getting ready for work - believe me it helps!

Best of luck xx

Mrs_Z

Oh dear, it does not sound great.... as what other posters have already said, it appears that you are in a relationship with a teenager rather than a grown up man. And ask yourself, if you are not happy now, will you be in 5 years time? It is unlikely that he will change.

What is he bringing to your relationship? Other than pays 1/2 the bills, I presume.

If it is only the cleaning that's an issue - it's unfair that you should do it given that you both work full time - would getting a cleaner be a solution?

Honestly, it does sounds as though your other half is not pulling his weight in more ways than one. Only you can decide what's the right thing to do for you BUT on the plus side, you are still young and the time is on your side, so if you were to decide to go your separate ways, you'll have plenty of time to meet some who respects you enough to do their share!

PsiDOC

I feel for you. I really do. Sadly as many others here more experienced than me have said, the leopard doesn't change it's spots.

However... Get the xbox and smash the damn thing to bits, give him the bits in a carrier bag then kick his lazy backside out of the door!

Hope life gets better soon.

PsiDOC (A man that does do his bit around the house)

onlyroz

Have you tried going on strike? So no cooking for him (prepare a small meal just for yourself) no laundry (just wash your own clothes) and no waking him up for work. Keep your own area of the house tidy and just wash your own plate up after eating.

If you're fed up of him sleeping in at the weekend and playing games in the evening then go out and have some fun on your own.

If that fails, then cut your losses. You're still young and there are better men out there.

G2012

PsiDOC wrote: »

I feel for you. I really do. Sadly as many others here more experienced than me have said, the leopard doesn't change it's spots.

However... Get the xbox and smash the damn thing to bits, give him the bits in a carrier bag then kick his lazy backside out of the door!

Hope life gets better soon.

PsiDOC (A man that does do his bit around the house)

Haha!! I've often wondered what he would do if I cut the plug off the damn thing since he can't wire one, but then I thought I'll only have to wire it back up myself so there's no point!! :rotfl:

Courgette

Good luck, OP. Leaving a long term relationship is tough but you sound more than strong enough to cope

Courgette

onlyroz wrote: »

Have you tried going on strike? So no cooking for him (prepare a small meal just for yourself) no laundry (just wash your own clothes) and no waking him up for work. Keep your own area of the house tidy and just wash your own plate up after eating.

I know what you mean but it this really a way someone should be forced into behaving with a potential life-partner and father of children?

As I said above, good luck OP

jackomdj

When I split from my ex I asked myself "do I want or DESERVE this for the rest of my life", the answer was "no".

Having been through what I went through it makes me appreciate my new partner, who I have been with for 16 happy years and have 2 lovely children.

G2012

Mrs_Z wrote: »

Oh dear, it does not sound great.... as what other posters have already said, it appears that you are in a relationship with a teenager rather than a grown up man. And ask yourself, if you are not happy now, will you be in 5 years time? It is unlikely that he will change.

What is he bringing to your relationship? Other than pays 1/2 the bills, I presume.

If it is only the cleaning that's an issue - it's unfair that you should do it given that you both work full time - would getting a cleaner be a solution?

Honestly, it does sounds as though your other half is not pulling his weight in more ways than one. Only you can decide what's the right thing to do for you BUT on the plus side, you are still young and the time is on your side, so if you were to decide to go your separate ways, you'll have plenty of time to meet some who respects you enough to do their share!

He doesn't even pay half of the bills, I earn slightly more than him but he has a huge amount of debt from buying a car which takes up about a third of his pay.

I was desperate for a holiday since we hadn't had one in 5 years and there was no reason why we didn't, so I paid for it all as he told me that was the only way we would be going.

Wow I think I have just had my light bulb moment!