Relationship help - its a long post I'm sorry

G2012

I feel I can't talk to my family about this and since I have no real friends I thought I would come here. I hope you all don't mind.

My situation; I am 27, living with other half since I was 18, he is 31 next year. No kids, not engaged or married. I have PCOS and would eventually like a family and we have discussed this together but there's one huge problem!

He likes to play on the Xbox until silly o clock in the morning, he does nothing around the house to help and won't do it cause he doesn't want to. He chooses the Xbox over us (well that's what it feels like) I have no issue with him playing on it but just not all the time.

I can't envisage myself ever with a family because I don't want to be a one parent family while he is playing on his games.

We've talked, we've yelled over this and it has been like this for 6 years now.

Don't get me wrong I have a good life, we both work, don't struggle for a lot but I feel like I'm responsible for everything in the house and sorting everything. If I don't do things like the dishes they never get done (I've threw out dishes before after they were left out in the hope he would clean up). I don't mind being the person to do all the cleaning etc but I work more hours then him, I'm out 13 hours per day and have to come in and start tea tidying up etc, we can't afford for me to drop hours so I'm stuck.

He asked me to wash the bedding yesterday but since he didn't get up till 1pm I said I would do it today, he strolled out of bed at 16:15 despite me waking him up several times.

Sometimes I feel like I live with a child and he doesn't see the problem. When it reaches the bubbling over point he always says he will change, but never does and I want him to want to change not me push him into it.

Can anyone offer advice? I'm seriously considering asking him to leave as I can't cope with this anymore, I feel lonely but I would rather be alone than live like this.

G2012

Reading that post back makes me seem like I'm just moaning, I hope it doesn't come across like that!

Cooper18

You sound like you're the mother of a teenage boy, rather than an equal partner in a committed relationship. Please don't have a baby with him.

You need to talk to him. New Year, time for change. Tell him he needs to pull his weight and be specific. Draw up a bloomin rota or something! Some folks are clueless about what needs doing in a home so you need to spell it out as if he's stupid.

Mrs_Huggett

Sorry love, get shot of him, I know of people like this and they just don't change, at the very least, leave him for a couple of weeks and only come back if he changes his ways and see how long it lasts?

claire16c

My friend had a boyfriend a bit like that. Sorry to say but the only option was to leave.

About 12 months later he realised what a prat he had been but by then she had moved on, started a relationship with a lovely guy who she is now married and has a baby with.

I honestly think if she had stayed with him she'd be in the same position she was in then but wasted another 3 years being with him.

If hes 31 and asks you to wash the bedding & doesnt lift a finger and plays on his xbox all day, and has no reason to change, he wont.

good_advice

Hiya, there is not much you can do unless he wants to change.
Try setting a few hours a day then ask for it to be turned off.

k66

You only have one life, there's no rewind button. I think that you have already made up your mind.

choccybuttons

Only you can make through change. He obviously needs a reality check which is going to have to be a shock like a discussion that your not willing to stay if things carry on, perhaps relate counselling to talk the issues through. No amount of nagging is going to change this.

BitterAndTwisted

You can have a moan if you like, many do. And sometimes get useful opinions.

My opinion is this: you've voiced your discontent with his selfish behaviour and nothing has changed. And it probably never will. His darling xBox appears to have more of an attraction to him than you do. Get rid and move on to a happier and more fulfilling life. A dog would likely provide more companionship and you don't have to cook its dinner after being out of the house for thirteen ruddy hours.

Mrs.W_2

Dear gosh! G2012, I cannot ever see your partner agreeing to father a child - it would too much competition for him.

Tigsteroonie

I bet you do all the shopping, all the cleaning, all his washing ... stop doing things for him. You're not his mother