Best way I can help a friend in constant debt?

Felix_the_Foccer

What is the best way I can help a friend who's constantly in debt?

I'm sitting here, going through my friends last six years of HSBC statements for him (I volunteered and he cannot read very well).

Without wanting to give too much detail, as obviously it's quite personal, but at the same time, I want to be able to help him too ...

He's regularly being charged approx £100 a month in charges ... doesn't bring in a lot, approx £1000-£1100 take home pay each month, and most of that is gone in virtually 3 days time and he's right back on (or over) his 1k overdraft limit.

Now, straightaway, I can see he's paying daft things (full monty Sky £50 a month) and TWO lots of Sky repair cover a month! (2 x £7) .... I would get Sky to reduce their fee by threatening to cancel or just lower the package down a fair bit, and I'd ditch the 2 x warranty coverplans!

I don't want to sound patronising to him, but I'm doing his bank charges for him, solely as a friend, I don't want anything from it, just him to have some money back.

What do you folks think is the best (and most tactful) way of me practically helping him to get out of this situation? ... as if he carries on as it is, it can't be very enjoyable at all.

I guess getting him to see that there's a problem and that it can be helped is the hard part, then after that, helping him to examine where he can save etc, and all this can only be done if HE WANTS TO do it etc. (if not, I'll let him carry on regardless).

I can read my statements (well, I keep tabs of mine online now) but there was a stage a few years ago when I didn't check at all and was in a similar situation to my friend. With some help from friends, a lot of determination (as well as advice from this site) I got through it and am doing a million times better now thankfully.

Sorry about the long post. I just wondered if any of you had any thoughts re the above as I'd love to try and help him if, of course, he wants to be helped etc.

Many thanks in advance.

Annie_Fanny

Does he want to be helped?

Felix_the_Foccer

Annie_Fanny wrote: »

Does he want to be helped?

I'm not sure Annie. I only took the pile of HSBC envelopes off him about 10pm, and been going through them since then.

I've always known he's always skint but the statements remind me of a slightly worse... no, much worse...version of me like 5 years ago(ish) ...

If he carries on the next few years like this, it's gonna be like a black, black hole that he's NEVER going to get out of.

But yep, as you say, I guess it depends on him actually realising there's a problem and him wanting to address it.

Annie_Fanny

It is sweet of you to try and help him although although I know from experience that you can sometimes end up frustrated...

When you say he can't read very well...is that due to reading skills or say bad eyesight?! If he has poor reading skills maybe it would be "empowering" for him to tackle that - I imagine that the whole "financial" world is very scary if you can't read/hear/see etc.....

Felix_the_Foccer

His eyesight is fine.

It's his reading skills that aren't very good at all.

It's like an unspoken thing between us but I'm 100% convinced he can't read. It's not something we've ever spoken about but it's pretty evident at times.

I don't think he'd want to try and tackle it (the reading) either, I don't know, just get a feeling that he'd either convince himself he couldn't do it, so he wouldn't ... or that he didn't need to etc. Both of which it's a shame.

He won't be seeing this thread either, as it's solely for me to get some advice/thoughts of some of you guys (and girls!) etc.

Softstuff

I'd just do what you can as regards giving him friendly advice, and reclaiming his bank charges. Maybe also comment on things like insurances, asking if he has the cheapest deal and so forth.

A few years back I did the books of a friend who was in business, and the state of his finances was shocking. I tried as best I could to give him advice, but he didn't take it on board, and about 6 months later was declared bankrupt. That didn't need to happen at all had he listened.

In any case, do what you can, but don't feel responsible if he doesn't listen, he has to feel ready to deal with it before he will.

bandraoi

If he's giving you his bank statements to reclaim his charges, that's probably a good indication that he wants to change.

I would
1) Ask him does he want you to look at his bills too and see if you can get him a better deal.
2)try to set everything up for him as simply as possible - so that "the bills" is at the cheapest and everything is on direct debit into and out of his accounts, if that means paying off credit cards evenly instead of snowballing so be it.
3)take the sum of money that is left for non-bills (food/clothes/etc.) and divide it by 10. Tell him he has that amount to spend every week and that amount to spend every weekend, and he should take it out of the bank on Monday and Friday, end of.

On that system, without having to think about it, have you do a monthly review or budget for himself, he should be fairly safe from going into debt.

tomterm8

Give him a tape recorder. Ask him to record every thing he spend, every day.

You need to know what he spends, before you can really help.

And, as someone who had severe diagnosed dyslexia, I know it can be hard, but if he has reading difficulties HE NEEDS TO GO TO A SEN SPECIALIST. There are many causes for reading problems. Sometimes something as simple as having glasses with different coloured lenses can correct the essential problem and result in significant progress within a few months. Other times you need specific training plans. READING PROBLEMS CAN BE OVERCOME.