my poor mum & dad

hannahsmummy1

im on msn at the moment and my mum is crying because they have had to go to the bank and think about remortaging again as they have no money at all. she feels bad because she feels responsible for me getting into debt in the first place because they werent able to pay for my wedding (which is why im in debt in the first place) i feel awful for telling her my problems and making her feel like this now.

Snaggles

Awww hannasmummy, sorry you (and your Mum) are feeling sad. I don't know what to say really - I know if it was my son, I would want to hear about his problems, even if they upset me, so don't feel too awful for telling her your problems. Could you point them in the direction of this site to see if we could help at all? Hugs to you all xxx

luckymum_3

thats soooo sad, tell them to come on here ,at least we can sympathise and try and help.

joeblack066

Could you get her to post on here and share her worries? Or at least let you do it for her, SOA etc?

Sea78

HUgs to you and your family - I agree that even if it made me more stressed etc. I would want my kids to be able to come and talk to me - it's what parents are there for.
Sea xxx

betterlatethannever

I've only just come out and told my parents how bad things are. It was a huge relief but i know its put them under massive pressure and i really regret that.
As a mother myself though, i agree with Sea. i would rather know and talk about it than worry that there was something wrong with my daughter (and trust me as a parent you always do know)
It sounds like you have a lovely relationship in that you can share bad times ( and hopefully soon, good times) and thats worth much more than money can ever buy.
Who wants a rich parent that never bothers with you or your probs?
A family that shares problems, stays together.
Good luck.

rayday2

Money and debts do tend to make people feel guilty. I can't really think of anything you can say to her apart from like someone said checking out this website and maybe make her feel better by saying something like "It was our wedding we wanted it and we wouldn't change it" type sentiments.

Thing is when you are in debt thats it you are, best to work your way out it than waste energies with how it happened, cure the debt and then prevention and not getting there again!

A big chin up for you and your mum and I hope she finds some steps to take to make her feel at ease.

chunky79

awwww i am sure you telling them did not make her feel worse at all. Parents are there for their children all the time because we have to be its built in from the minute the appear into this world, when they do they arrive with the buggest bag of guilt made full of what if and buts lol

Your now there for your mum and letting her talk to you is the best thing, as other have advise dtell her to pop on here i sure she will find bags of advice and people in the same situation which will help through this.

I wish my aunt had seen this site before she has soild her house to pay off debt and is now renting for £500 a month, she has looked at this site and said if i had known the ways round we wouldn't have had to do this. Its kind of a tunnel vision that debt seems the end of the world and it won't go away but as a few of us know it takes a while but goes in the end.

Chin up missus and hugs for your mum

Sara xx

hannahsmummy1

well i have been on the phone to my mum and dad today, my dad went to the bank yesterday and they said they would be willing to help him, and that remortaging was an option- so he has to get all his statements etc from his credit card and my mums 2 cards and the one loan they have-which is also around 9 k, this all comes to 18k my mum has said. I dont know anything about remortaging but the bank has said something like after they pay abbey for the first remortage they will have 38K left-(think this is what mum said- as i say i dont understand) My dad has said they will have around 20K left. Think this has been their lightbulb moment. They have also now finally sat down and had a chat with my brother and told him he HAS to contribute to the house- ie paying housekeeping to mum (he currently lives there rent free) ive told her to look on this website, they both get paid tomorow, so i said to go on the internet (she registered for internet banking) and look at what is coming off-she has said that her & dad are going to stop smoking & make a real go of it! I know she feels loads better since yesterday- which makes me feel better!

joeblack066

Glad you're feeling better!

Snaggles

It sounds like they're borrowing an extra £38k on top of their existing mortgage, and then once they pay off their £18k worth of debts, they'll have £20K left - does that sound right?

If that's the case, do they need to borrow all that, or could they JUST borrow the £18k they need to clear the debts - that way their mortgage payments wouldn't go up as much?

Sorry if I've misunderstood anything!