depression, anxiety and despair

painted_lady

Updated post #9, original post below was one year ago.


I am posting because I dont know what to do anymore and cant see an end to all this. I have several CC's at high APRs, a loan and a few overdrafts. Total debt is around £30K and 20 or so of this is on cards. I have had a lot of problems with my health and this has led to severe depression, lost my very well paid job about 4 years ago and am now doing some freelance work, with my earnings sporadic. I dont like posting a lot of details about myself online, never know who is watching.
I was on top of this earlier in the year and it felt good, had a good balance in my current account and could afford all minimum repayments, dont know what has happened but it has all gone wrong.
I am medically retired, in my late thirties and have a severe disability, therefore it is only possible for me to work freelance as I can fit it in around my circumstances and also the limited childcare I can access. People are calling me for money all the time, I am avoiding all the calls and not opening my mailings.
I know what I need to do, to contact them and make arrangements, I have been avoiding one of my banks calls for 63 days now about my unarranged overdraft. When does it become a default? I can not physically bring myself to call them, it takes so much energy I just dont have.
I have cut my food shopping to minimum, petrol is difficult to reduce because I need my car to get out with my illness. I sometimes challenge myself to not spend any money, many days I dont even leave the house.
One thing I have stopped doing is spending. I shredded my cards a long time ago. I know I have used the money this time to live off and to bridge the gaps in my freelance work. I am signed up to a few survery sites, which helps occasionally, but I find them difficult to concentrate on. I have no major things I can sell, my car is worth a few hundred quid and is essential for my independence, has long MOT and tax thankfully and I know a good mechanic when it does need things. I really shouldnt be in this situation at my age and life would be easier if I wasnt. How do I get myself out of it?
I am having treatment for the anxiety and depression, so guess that is moving forward too.
I would hate to be recognised online by anyone and I know some of my friends read these forums posts. I do read the posts on here and some diaries, I dont know how you alldo it and how I can move forward from your examples.

ladybez

Hi PaintedLady. I did not want to just read and run, there is a wealth of advice on here. Usually, the first suggestion is to post up a Statement of Affairs and people can suggest where cut-backs can be made, from the tone of your post, you may not be comfortable with this. It is worth filling one in for yourself. I would suggest you contact one of the free organisations, such as StepChange or Payplan who will be able to offer advise as to how best to proceed.
Then write (don't phone) people you owe money to and offer your proposals.

You also need to make sure you are claiming any benefit you are entitled to.

Congratulations of getting the help you need for your depression/anxiety.

Remember no-one can have what you have not got.

KirstyO

Well like you say you've made a good start with getting treatment for your anxiety and depression, and you've stopped using the credit which is good. A good step for me was speaking to one of the debt charities (I chose CCCS/Stepchange but there are others) because they know all the different ways that they can help, and that you can help yourself and they are non-judgemental.

Another step which is stupidly hard is to work out, to the penny, how much your debts are. This will probably involve opening all of the mail that you havent dared touch, and in the process you might find that someone has already put a default on your file. Even though this isn't good, you need to know when it was filed.

The worst thing to do is to keep ignoring the calls and letters. But I hated having to make those calls to my lenders, so I got quick pronto onto Stepchange to set up my DMP, and they contacted all my lenders on my behalf. And if they can offer you a DMP, the minimum amount they require each month is £5 per creditor. Some creditors will be nice and freeze interest and fees, others will be harder to get under control, but Stepchange negotiated this on my behalf, and now all of mine are playing ball.

I know how hard it is. I appreciate that I don't have additional health problems, but less than a year ago I was in the same position as you. Ignoring phone calls and mail, I had creditors calling me at work, I was scared to go to the cashpoint because I knew I was only making an overdraft bigger than it already was, I was maxing out cards to survive etc. But you can get out of this and get back to feeling positive about it.

When you've decided what you're going to do, keep posting, we all need support every now and again. And it's great to see other people getting through the hardest bits and coming out the other side

maz1964

hi painted lady
like lady bez i too didnt want to just read and not reply back

i understand totally re the depression and axiety gosh your post looked like it was written by me a few years ago,,,,, i was there and whilst things have improved a lot ,,, i am still having medication and also done a lot of lifestyle changes for me,,,,

so just want to say i understand your pain and how you are feeling and you know its okay to feel like that at the moment pls dont beat yourself up but the most important thing is you are taking back control by the things you are doing even little by little it all helps and well done!

like lady bez has made some fab suggestions if you can get the soa up and make sure you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled too,,,

ive saved your thread so will come back and keep checking in, but what i did for me was start writing down my feelings every day and what i was doing and it became a bit of therapy for me,,, then i started on my spending and budgeting, so i dont know what your work is,,, maybe just treat the writing as your own ramblings but it will help in some small way to getting back to being positive when you see the little things you start achieving

keep your pecker up and i will look in later

take care have a cup of tea and make a list of 5 things you hope you can do today however small, it will spur you on i promise,,,

ciao maz x

quantic

I would say start by breaking it up into small chunks, instead of worrying about calling these companies (your obviously not ready for that yet), why not instead spend a bit of time organising your debts.

Write down the name of each company you owe money to, how much you owe to them and what their contact details are. Then once you have this, spend 5 minutes completing the following form:

http://www.stoozing.com/msoc/soacalc.php

This will give you a good indication of where you stand financially. You can only pay what you can afford, this is a mathematical fact, work out what you have left after bills and begin to think of how you might be able to spread this across the debts. If its not looking feasible you may need to speak to a debt management agency.

At the end of the day, you can only do so much. You might be surprised by how much these companies understand when you explain your situation. They are just people at the end of the day who are paid to chase you until they get in touch, they cannot physically harm you so all you need to do is tell them what you can do and the rest is up to them.

Best of luck.

painted_lady

Thanks guys. Since posting this message I contacted the major creditor I was worried about and made a one off part payment, they are aware of my circumstances and I have to basically do an SOA for them and call them back to arrange a payment plan. I have contacted a company I do a lot of work for and have asked them politely when they are planning on paying some invoices.
Its difficult, but I am getting there. Thankyou for responding to my post when I needed support.
When I have done my SOA I might find courage to post it here.

Baggiebird1nil

You won't ever be alone wile you are on here. Keep checking in and getting encouragement from everyone. Been in the same situation myself where I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But here I am now 2 1/2 years on and am so much better off mentally and financially than I had been for 15 years. Like others have said these companies can't have what you haven't got! Good luck X

Allypops

Well done on taking those steps. It can be really hard to make those sort of calls when you are suffering from anxiety and depression. I hope you get those payments through soon.

Good luck with everything

painted_lady

OK people, tomorrow marks a year on from this post, I remember writing it in the early hours after being up all night having panic attacks and palpitations. I still have the severe physical issues with my physical health but I am doing a bit better mentally.
I sleep at night now, most nights anyway. I have opened up to a couple of people in real life about my finances. I am getting on top of things now. I am still behind with some payments, but only by 1 month. I have done all the things to save spending monthly like finding better phone deal. I will post later my debt amounts and also my debt as it was last year, just to inspire others. I have a long way to go, but hope someone sees this and is feeling as bad as I was last year and can feel see a little bit of light. Not that I want anyone to feel that bad, but you know what I mean!