trying to help others become debt free

lynzpower

Been there SOOOO many times, as has OH.

Its just not owrth being started at like some gibbon any more, so we lead by example. if we cant afford something we do without, and yes, it has meant that we are a bit boring- better boring now than live a life in chains later IMHO.

Some people dsont learn until the s**t hits the fan and there will be a lot of it hitting lots of fans over the next few months again. I know i didnt learn until ithe lightbulb came on, beofre then plenty of people told me what I could/should do, but I ignored them.

110frankie

Some people just don't get it - they might one day and then they'll come crawling to this site.
Those of us who've had the lightbulb moment, and are in the priocess of solving it or have done (I'm debt free now), obviously want to help others, but I have been told - by my son who has claimed back his bank charges with my help and who "owes" me about £5,000 in various "helps" I have given him over the years told me last week that I am an MSE bore.
Well, fair enough, with my wife retired now, and only a short while away for me, the pot is empty.
The next time he's in trouble there will be nothing left for us to give him. I can't pay a garage bill for him, can't pay off a council tax bill. I'm debt free, but have nothing to spare myself.
So, keep offering advice, but don't become a bore.

Marisan

I think overspending and running up debts is a bit like overeating or drinking too much,unless and until people face up to the fact that they have a problem,they can't be helped.two years ago hubby and I had a mountain of debt,then we had our 'lightbulb' moment,and today,although we still have debts,they are manageable and being paid off.And that feels so good.

But do keep trying to help people - one day they will thank you for it.

wherediditallgo

People have to already be starting to become aware of their situation to listen to advice & act on it. We all know (now) that robbing Peter to pay Paul & adding more credit to existing debts doesn't work long-term, but as long it's getting them out of a temporary hole, people will keep doing it. I can remember myself switching off when my mum used to keep repeating herself - in the end, I learned to recognise the signs of what was coming & make all the right noises yet barely hear a word she was saying! She's also learned over the years to just say her piece (I sometimes think it takes her an unnecessarily long time to do it ), give me a kiss on the cheek & move on to something else, because the more she says the less I hear her. We all do that - how many times have you had a friend moan yet again about her boyfriend & thought to yourself "Oh, not this again!"? You don't want to be rude, so you make all the right sounds then change the topic asap. That's what they're doing with you - they're not being deliberately stupid about it, but they've heard you say it all already, & have switched off. I suggest you just give them the information, tell them you're prepared to help them if they need you, then leave them to get on with it. Otherwise you risk alienating them.

There's a saying "Give a man a fish, & you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, & you'll feed him for life". But I add, keep banging on about the merits of fish, omega oils, how wild salmon is better for you than the farmed variety, how foreign fishing is affecting the British fishing industry etc, & you'll probably put them off fish for ever. You could also put them off asking you for advice on something else for fear of you becoming hooked on going on about that subject too.

Listening to advice has very little to do with hearing it.

ifstar

doitmyself wrote: »

Hi mrs
DFW, debt-free wannabe, light-bulb moments, nice catchy little slogans but that's about all. I've said it before on another thread, debt-free, for most people is unrealistic.
Martin Lewis is a journalist who appeared on tv one day exclaiming the virtues of the credit card balance transfer, and then expanded on that slightly with so-called stoozing for example and one or two other fairly facile tricks of the trade that people couldn't figure out for themselves, but he's basically been shouting the same thing from your tv screen ever since, except those tricks of the trade are rapidly disappearing, as indeed he probably will now the economy's heading for the doodah.

Inflation's up, interest rates are going up next month, the credit cards have been cranking up interest rates and imposing all sorts of other charges and restrictions for some time recently and the banks will do the same when the dust finally settles on the charges claiming. In other words Martin's money saving party's over, for now at least.
Anyone owing money can forget about debt-free, - servicing the existing debt is gonna be hard enough as it gets more and more expensive in the weeks and months ahead, IMO.

I'm not surprised at all to hear about people who don't geddit or can't be bothered. Really, why should they? Saving money isn't exactly an exciting thing to do for (most) people. And personally I think some of the, er, DFW's are making some seemingly extraordinary sacrifices in their fanatical endeavours, and for very little benefit.
I mean, if you can buy a cake or a pair of socks for £1 in your supermarket of choice, why make them yourself for 90p?

Keep it up mrss, but I think you've got your work cut out there...

Got to disagree with you.

Most people aren't very well educated about money and debts (personally I think budgeting and explaining about credit etc should be taught in secondary school but thats a different topic all together). Since most people aren't very well educated about it, they don't know the best way to try and get out of debt and that is why "homeowner" loans etc seem appealing, since they let you pay off all your other debts then even give you money for a nice holiday.

You have said that Martin basically only goes on tv and talks about switching credit cards etc but there is also a whole lot more than that. For instance if you take to the left and see the money saving menu tips, there are tons or articles in there showing people how to get the same or better services for less than they are paying now. How many people bother to change their home/car/life insurance providers annually? These sort of articles give some great help in saving hundreds a year. The problem is, most people aren't aware or can't be bothered as they assume it will be a lot of work and hassle.
I think the budget planner article and spreadsheet are probably one of the most worthwhile things anyone can fill in because it really hits home what your outgoings are and that can help people change their views.

You have also said that since rates are going to increase then it's going to get harder for everyone in the near future. Again you are correct, but there are always ways for people to save money. If you think this site and Martin just preach about 0% or lifetime balance credit cards then you have missed something along the way. Have a look at the articles on the left. There is probably a fair amount you can learn. I've never been in much debt as I was generally brought up to only buy what I can afford, or what I would be able to pay back realistically but the articles have helped me get from being managing to get through each month without going into a negative balance too often to being able to put away about a quarter of my pay into savings. I haven't made any changes to the way I live to do this either.

The amounts that some of the people on here have been able to pay back is incredible, some of it might be due to going to extreme measures to cut back but most of it is because they have got in control of their spending habits and got out of the "i want - i must buy" attitude that seems to exist in this country today. I do agree that some people will make some savings that most people wouldn't bother about, but most DFW's won't go to that length and their savings will come from a realistic budget and knowing how to get the best deal from services and companies.

You are right that most people don't get it and you can't force someone to change but you can point them in the right way and if they decide to act on it then they will be thankful to you.

mrsspendalot

fatbelly wrote: »

Admin Orders don't come up very often here, probably because they have a max of 5k and most DFWs have debts above that figure.

However, your friend should be aware that the 'reasonable period' for repayment of an admin order is 3 years and that the order can be varied by application to the court to pay a certain number of pence in the pound so that the payments finish around the 3-year mark. This is sometimes called a composition order, sometimes a percentage order.

I have got orders of 7 pence in the pound without too much problem.

Might be best to keep quiet about the other newer debts though!

They said about 3 years ago that they were making a composition order and that she had to continue to pay for 6 months and then it would end. However, that came around and then they looked at it and she had missed a couple of payments some way along the line and so they said she has to pay it all now

if this is not the case, I would be interested in how to resolve this?

mrsspendalot

Well update on brother: he is NOT going to take out a consolidation loan to repay his overdraft and refinance his existing loan (phew) so it seems to have sunk in a little bit!!! Mum is going to sit down with him and work out how much he can afford to repay off his overdraft every week without him having to make too many sacrifices. So I do feel I have made progress with him at least!!

Thanks for all your responses, very interesting to read.

skylight

Helping Others

My Mother - i) Doesn't believe about bank charges. Despite the news lately!
ii) Will not listen to me about money matters AT ALL! Explained to her the perils of a car loan over a 0% credit card. But no. I am her daughter, am younger, therefore know nothing.
iii) Luckily, she owes nothing expect her car loan and has no debts at all. Never borrowed, but is stuck in that mentality. She has never had to check things out, so doesn't understand them, doesn't try to and then doesn't take advice.

In-Laws (All of them, MIL, SIL BIL etc)
i) Pig-ignorant. Dumb. Below the Chav line.
ii) SIL is FINALLY taking note, now that she cannot pay her debts and is listening to advice. Getting her sorted.
iii) BIL no2 is listening but its not sinking
iv) BIL no1 is happy to pay Spectrum for his DMP. As they are a business, they know what they are doing. Those helpful people at Spectrum wouldn't cheat him, cos he's savvy.......
v) MIL and FIL - shrug shoulders. Not their problems. Well whose else is it then?????


Brick and Wall spring to mind.

CAFCGirl

I am currently having exactly the same situation with my BF.

He's got two credit cards, bank loan and an overdraft.
Even though he's a student he doesnt have a student account with any of the benefits associated with that.
And he's convinced himself (somehow!) that he can't get on!

He's defaulting on his loan which was given to him in his year in business from uni. Has no income aside from his student loans and is living off his credit, which has now (thankfully) been blocked.

Me and his mum have both been desperately trying to help him. I've been feeding him 4 times a week to save him some money (yet costing me some!) and his mum has now taken it upon herself to try and negotiate with his lenders.

We got onto payplan on his behalf, and he filled in the forms and they managed to get an agreement for £35 a month pay back (in total) until he's earning and then they'll talk again. But he's now saying that he cant do that because he doesnt have £35 a month anyway!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr!
I've put him onto Quidco, printed off matched betting info and snowballing, and meal planning, etc etc and it's like talking to a brick wall!

Bewitched2761

The phrase
"you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink" springs to mind
I think its like a lot of things people just have to make up their own minds. I can be positively evangelical on the subject. At the end of the day people have to want to do it. I think you just have to bide your time and then point them in the right direction when they need help