Ways to help Mum? Ideas needed!

rufio89

Hello,

I dont know if this is the right format for this but it's the forum I thought of that has the most followers!


I come from a large family (there'll be 6 kids plus both parents at home this Christmas) and they're not very well off. All the kids are grown up now (I'm the youngest at 23, the others are all well into their 30s) and we've all long-since moved out.


Every year at Christmas, my Mum goes into overdrive trying to make everything perfect and turning into a stressed out monster trying when everything isnt as perfect as she'd hoped.


They dont have much money but they absolutely refuse to take money off any of us (even though we're mostly earning reasonable incomes now), so I was wondering if anyone could think of ways that I (or the rest of my siblings) could reduce the financial side of the strain for them without actually offering any money! (If you could think of ways of reducing the emotional strain too that would be great )


Thanks!

PoppyGirl

Could each member of the family contribute to a certain part of the meal - someone offer to make the starter, someone the pudding etc? Also could someone offer to buy the meats as these are expensive parts of the meal. One person could buy the turkey etc and have it delivered. You may need to find the angle on this best suited to your parents if you think they may be hesitant to accept this. ie saying "mum I've ordered you a turkey, it's arriving on ..... " no option for questioning.

My mum does a Christmas lucky dip when we arrive for the holidays! Little slips of paper with "clean bathrooms" "hoover" etc. on them. Take a lucky dip then get on with it!

nikkiuk

Why not just say to them "I saw a good deal on ?, so I've already bought it"

? could be the turkey, booze, crackers, cheeses, desserts, etc, etc.
Why not suggest to your siblings that you all choose something and just tell your parents you've already got it?

PoppyGirl

That's a great plan also what I was thinking!

Cazza

PoppyGirl wrote: »

Could each member of the family contribute to a certain part of the meal - someone offer to make the starter, someone the pudding etc? Also could someone offer to buy the meats as these are expensive parts of the meal. One person could buy the turkey etc and have it delivered. You may need to find the angle on this best suited to your parents if you think they may be hesitant to accept this. ie saying "mum I've ordered you a turkey, it's arriving on ..... " no option for questioning.

My mum does a Christmas lucky dip when we arrive for the holidays! Little slips of paper with "clean bathrooms" "hoover" etc. on them. Take a lucky dip then get on with it!

This is what my family do!

Everyone prepares / brings something, even down to one person bringing along all the veg on Christmas morning, peeled sliced and prepared ready to put straight in a saucepan. Someone gets the turkey, another gets sausages and stuffing etc, even the roast potatoes turn up having been par boiled already. It works really well and has made it so much easier for my parents over the years. In the pre-dishwasher days, they all used to rock up with their own supply of tea towels too!

RuthnJasper

I like the suggestions here - it's nice if everyone who is able to can bring something.

I helped out at the local old folks' home last year for their "single persons' lunch" on Christmas Day... (never done it before but was volunteering madly at the time for every worthy local thing in the hope that the Karma Police might spot my efforts and decide to spare my beloved Jasper for a few more months. Didn't work - he died anyway, but I didn't regret the volunteering). The kitchen was stress-central and what would really have helped was one person saying to the others "you bring the spuds", "you bring the parsnips", "you bring the pud", etc. - all cooked and ready to just be kept warm in the oven until needed. It would have saved a lot of aggravation and waiting around (as well as things not all being ready at the same time). If someone doesn't want to bring food or drink, they could perhaps bring crackers or table decorations.

It's also handy to have an idea in advance of who's doing what - for example: Dave helps Mum set the table; Pete helps clear dishes from the table; Suzy and Dad are doing the washing-up and Kathy will make coffee and tea afterwards - and stick to it as best you can (people can get surprisingly annoyed about this - "Nooo! Mike's doing the drying-up! That was MY job! etc.")

As long as it's all done in good spirit and with a smile it should be a really good day (as long as your mum still has enough to do so that she doesn't feel like a spare part!).

Merry Christmas! x

lushlifesaver

PoppyGirl wrote: »

Could each member of the family contribute to a certain part of the meal - someone offer to make the starter, someone the pudding etc? Also could someone offer to buy the meats as these are expensive parts of the meal. One person could buy the turkey etc and have it delivered. You may need to find the angle on this best suited to your parents if you think they may be hesitant to accept this. ie saying "mum I've ordered you a turkey, it's arriving on ..... " no option for questioning.

My mum does a Christmas lucky dip when we arrive for the holidays! Little slips of paper with "clean bathrooms" "hoover" etc. on them. Take a lucky dip then get on with it!

I would also do this, kind of starting to from this year -
I won't be eating with my family on Christmas day but I have bought mum and dad a couple of nice bottles of drink to open and some nibbles and I'm also doing them a Christmas cake. We will be eating with them on boxing day and for that meal I will help my mum and dad with the cooking/prep and service.
We will be eating with bf's family though on Christmas day and for that we are providing desert so I'm making a chocolate cake which I will decorate with a Christmas theme and I'll take some cream and brandy butter to go with it Oh and I'll probably help his mum with the washing up too

Meadows

rufio89 wrote: »

I come from a large family (there'll be 6 kids plus both parents at home this Christmas) and they're not very well off.
Every year at Christmas, my Mum goes into overdrive trying to make everything perfect and turning into a stressed out monster trying when everything isnt as perfect as she'd hoped.

They dont have much money but they absolutely refuse to take money off any of us (even though we're mostly earning reasonable incomes now), so I was wondering if anyone could think of ways that I (or the rest of my siblings) could reduce the financial side of the strain for them without actually offering any money! (If you could think of ways of reducing the emotional strain too that would be great). Thanks!

Each of you say you want to bring/make/add a certain thing to the meal that day. Be it the starter, stuffing, savory meal accompaniments, ready prepared (done prior to taking it to mums) vegetables for mum to just cook, the dessert, mince pies, crackers etc., wine, soft drinks.

If you all get together and agree to bring X,Y,Z and then tell your mum it is a dine deal then she can relax a little and that includes having to juggle the pennies to make the meal go well.

globetraveller

:)My family are coming to me this Christmas Day. Whoever has Christmas provides the main course. The rest either do starter, pudding, drink, and something nibble like for later in the day. Also the extras like crackers, afterdinner mints etc are shared out. Less stress all round.
Your parents will still enjoy having everyone round.
A way round it is to say to parents that you all feel guilty that your parents have everyone round, and you feel you should all take a turn but don't think you can do it as well as them- so the contributions can made instead.

BAGGY

I love the idea of bringing pre-prepared veg. I am feeding 18 on a tight budget this year but in all honesty I could do with 30 hours in the days leading up to xmas day.
We change xmas day around between the three sisters and I always contribute by taking my cheesecake (not a cheap desert) some Baileys, a bottle of plonk and some chocs.
I think the done deal is a good idea though. You could always fib and say you saw the turkey on offer?

sibles

We always try and share out as much as we can (like you've talked about above).
Generally we sort out the drink (booze and non booze) or cheese (depending where we are going) and someone else deals with cakes/desserts etc.

Getting quite excited now!