Christmas worries

daisyboyd24

I’m worrying about Christmas this year.

Sadly we lost my father-in-law a couple of weeks ago and I know it’s going to be so very difficult celebrating Christmas without him.

My mother-in-law has already said she wants to spend Christmas with us all at her house.
I’m worried we will all be sat there worrying what to do / say so as not to upset her.

What do people suggest? How have you coped in this situation?

I really want to make the best of it but not sure what I am best to do?

Thanks,
daisy

whitewing

In some ways it is sadder because he won't be there, but it may also be happy because you'll all together at Christmas and he would have loved that. I am sure there will be tears but there will also hopefully be smiles too.

Do you have children?

Gettingtherequickly

I lost my dad at about a similar time some years ago and like you, we were all dreading the day. It was not as bad as we thought, possibly because it was close enough to have the first one over and done with yet far enough away to be able to deal with.

For us, we just treated it as any other Christmas, only difference was going to the cemetery, which we did not actually do as a family, luckily live close enough for us all to go when we wanted. We even had turkey for dinner, which we all loathe but he insisted we have! Other than that, it was fine, it would be unnatural not to speak about him, but at the same you remember the happy times.

Just go with the flow, if someone says something which can upset, it is only because in the course of the conversation, it was a natural thing to say, not intentional.

Sorry for your loss, but do enjoy the day as much as you can, you will all be there as a family and raise a glass to him.

daisyboyd24

Thank you.

My husband has a daughter (she's 18 just after Christmas) Unfortunately she won't be with us as her Mum wants to spend Christmas with her as she spent last year with us.
We have hinted it would be really nice for Grandma to see her even if just for a few hours but she seems to be getting pressure to stay at home this year.

daisyboyd24

Thanks Gettingtherequickly.

Can't believe I hadn't thought about going to the cemetery.
We are actually burrying FIL's ashes next Monday and it's just down the road from MIL.

Would be nice to take some flowers on Christmas day

quinechinoise

daisyboyd24 wrote: »

My husband has a daughter (she's 18 just after Christmas) Unfortunately she won't be with us as her Mum wants to spend Christmas with her as she spent last year with us.
We have hinted it would be really nice for Grandma to see her even if just for a few hours but she seems to be getting pressure to stay at home this year.

Skype.

Your step-daughter has old relatives on both sides of the family, even if it wasn't mum's turn for her to stay for Christmas.

Sorry for your loss. I'm sure MIL will take comfort from life's continuity. I hope everyone got to see FIL before he died.

quinechinoise

daisyboyd24 wrote: »

Would be nice to take some flowers on Christmas day

That sounds lovely. You could also light a candle for him at church, when you go to midnight mass. Maybe everyone could do that, whatever church they are at, at the same time.

fatblackandwhite

We lost my dad on 11 Nov 5 years ago and I had my mum for Christmas that year. I also had some other family over too (wouldn't normally) and it was actually a lovely Christmas. There were some tears but it was a nice time to remember dad too. It was not as bad as I would have imagined it would be. Sadly we lost mum too this year but they will both be remembered with fondness this Christmas.

daisyboyd24

Sorry to hear that fatblackandwhite.

Your comments have made me feel a little better.
We are taking MIL to midnight mass and staying with her. She doesn't live far away from where we live but don't want her getting up on her own on Christmas day.

I guess it eventually gets easier once you get past all the - first Chrismas without him, first anniversary etc.

I appreciate people's replies.

daisy

Bella73

When we lost MIL we were dreading first Christmas too but she adored the festival so we still celebrated as usual but gave each other a little space during the day for if someone wanted to be alone with their thoughts. The thing is to try not to be overly forcefully cheerful it's ok to be a bit sad as obviously you miss your loved one but don't be afraid to laugh either as they would want you to be happy. All the best Bella

scaredy_cat

use it as a time to remember him, reminisce at the quirky things he used to do? Celebrate him as well, make it a happy time.