Help Me Please re Mum's!

sticher

I assume you are getting treatment for the depression, but to me it doesn't seem to be working (I don't mean to offend you) and maybe you need to go back to your doctor. Your Mum is obviously worried. If someone doesn't open their door then the worry increases.

Interference and concern can be the same thing (albeit seen differently by different people). My Mum (before she passed away) was a very caring person and luckily for my cousin she was because she hadn't heard from him for a day went around to his house and banged on the door - no answer, so banged on the window - he was on the floor after having suffered a stroke. Apparently the paramedics said he would have died if left for much longer.

What I am trying to say is don't be too hard on your Mum. I realise that you need your own space, but recognise that just as you want to be treated like an adult, so does she and you need to tell her your problems. At the end of the day, I would suppose she only wants to help you.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Somerset

UKTigerlily

I symphasise with your situation. I have a mother not unlike yours. I love her because she's my mum but she thinks she knows best about everything and goes on and on trying to change me. The only things she values are money and work I don't 'talk' about personal stuff to her because she can't communicate. Communication means listening - she doesn't listen because any view other than her own is wrong. She in incapable of seeing another point of view. I accept that - that is who she is and she can't/won't change. But it means I can't confide in her about personal stuff - I feel worse than before. She's lonely I know. Once I told her i was taking a day's leave from work to 'chill' out, she asked 3 times did I want her to come over to visit, 3 times I said 'no' - but sure enough she came over, When I was younger she asked a friend what 'privacy' meant - I must have used the word, but she never did and still doesn't understand it. Anyway I moved away ( not because of her ) and my relationship with her is better, probably because there's less contact ( I do phone ). She visits and enjoys the visits. Her ways and negativity wear after a while, but it's ok when it's ' a while' whereas when it was every day it was really hard work.

Hugs to you. You're not the only one ! Hope the depression improves and things get better.

donny_osmonds_mad_fan

Hi there.
I can relate to you on a few points, I have depression and the first lot of meds didnt work and after a few weeks i went back and it was doubled and it changed everything so in case you feel it isnt working...it could do!

I tend to shop and spend when down..it gets very compulsive hence why i am on a debt/money saving site lol.

My dad is a pest. I have sent him so many letters and emails explaining how he upsets me and asking him to leave us alone but he doesnt. I dont get it he hates me has made my life hell most of my life, didnt care for me when my mum died at 10 and constantly ups my brother who is the golden boy...oh you know the kind of story anyway he has made his feelings very clear to me so fine, if he hates me as does my step monster then I have given him the free reign to not to have to worry about me out of duty but will he leave me alone? nope

I think my dad just likes having someone to feel bad because my step monster makes him feel horrid inside but his opening comments will always be have you put on more weight, when i lost it he will either say it doesnt look it or when i lost lots said i looked more normal! what he fails to realise is it was him who bred my eating habbits, as a teenager i had no one to turn to no one to give me love and support but mars bars always made me feel better!! Plus he always made me eat everything...no wastage etc

anyways, he will email me and if i dont answer he phones the home phone, then my mobile, then my husbands mobile or my childrens mobiles grrrrr and if that doesnt work he starts sending text messages saying we must be dead and he will call the police he so cannot understand I am hurting and need to be left alone so i can enjoy my family and be mentally strong for them not crying in a heap after talking to him

I have had it where he has rung and we have said no sorry we are going to be out etc, yet still he calls round, so we dont answer, so he starts trying to look in the windows through the letterbox round the back etc...he has a problem doesnt he lol

if I was you I would write a semi formal complaint to work that is wrong she could have been anyone really.

hope you feel better soon
H
xx

Ellie2758

Tigerlily - hugs, I've been there. I NEVER tell my father when I am depressed. He has NO IDEA that I've been on anti-depressants and sleeping tabs for 10 years. I do this because, rather like your mum, I would get question after question, phone call after phone call. He would feel he had to SOLVE the problem in some practical way. He is also not the easiest person in the world to get on with. Luckily I live a long way from him - couldnt cope if he was on my doorstep!

There are some people I can tell when I feel bad, and some I cant. It sounds as if you dont have anyone you feel able to confide in. I hope you are getting some help.

I can also see the problem from your mum's point of view because, as a mother I would hate it if my kids were unhappy or ill. I would want to sort it out for them, but not in the way my dad would do to me (I hope!)

To answer your question, your employer was totally in the wrong to give out such info to ANYBODY apart from the Police. Have they not heard of the Data Protection Act?

UKTigerlily

Thanks all for the advice & replies, alot has helped. I do have depression, i've got Borderline Personality Disorder & Bipolar too, I'm basically like an 8yr old in an adult body! I don't only expect her there for emergency credit, i've only asked her once in 28yrs for money & only because I had no choice. I call her a hell of alot, take her out etc etc I do alot for her, but when i'm really ill I can't be around people.

I am under a Psychiatrist & am having IPT with a therapist, i'm on antidepressants & mood stabilisers & anti psychotics.

I ended up calling my Nan when I knew my Mum was at work, cause my Nan's staying with my Mum & Stepdad for abit, I told her most things & said she could tell my Mum. I went round yesterday & said she can't be banging on the windows (Which i've said time & again) cause it makes me panic & she won't be able to when she moves down south anyway.

My Mum admitted she doesn't accept mental illness exists etc etc, anyway i've got to get some sleep i've seen the therapist & exhausted myself, will write more tonight, thanks all for the advice I appreciated all of it. Mark, i've tried to thank you but it's not showing up as yet, if it doesn't, thanks!!!