Prenup

74jax

I posted this on the weddings board but thought more people might see it here.
I know it's not the best subject, but has any couple looked into these? My understanding is in the UK pre-nups aren't worth the paper they are written on.

Where there's a huge difference in assets, what, if anything are you doing to protect yourself?


I wondered if anyone had any knowledge of this type of scenario, maybe through friends or personally. [/COLOR]

hardpressed

If you don't trust your intended spouse enough to share everything with them, then are you really ready to marry them?

Jinx

I didnt have a pre-nup as such but when my partner and I bought our house we had a financial agreement drawn up by a solicitor (im in scotland). Now married and having been together nearly 8 years I consider all bets on that are off as does he but the process of talking through the situation was very helpful. We covered wills at the same time. He put in double the deposit I did and he earns twice what i do.

I can see both sides of the fence, you dont go into a marriage expecting it to fail. But on the other hand many of us have previous relationships or are divorced (hands up here) and may have children to consider.

Brighton_belle

hardpressed wrote: »

If you don't trust your intended spouse enough to share everything with them, then are you really ready to marry them?

Where as I think someone who is clearly thinking through the seriousness of marriage without fuzzy romance glasses on will actually be very likely to suceed at their marriage because it indicates the ability to discuss before and during how they will deal with all sorts of scenarios that life throws at them as a couple and individually.

With people marrying slightly older already both having assets then I thinkit is very wise to think through these things. It doesn't imply lack of love or committment to me.

VfM4meplse

Brighton_belle wrote: »

It doesn't imply lack of love or committment to me.

It does imply a lack of long-term faith in the relationship though.

I'm undecided about pre-nups...my head says no as I have no intention of marrying "down" - if I were to sign one it would be a concession that I was. Un-pc but true.

SailorSam

I was asked by a woman to sign a prenup, not before a marriage but just before a relationship went to serious, but she was a Yank and stinking rich. In the end she wanted to go back home and i wanted to stay here.
Against the advice of everyone i know to protect my house and things from someone i may get into a relationship with, i signed everything into joint names with my Sister. When people who had known us both since we were babies told me not to do it, i said i trusted her 100% and she'd agreed to sign it back whenever i asked. The last 18mths has been shear hell, it was only after i started legal action that i got a signature. I'm now the devil incarnate for asking fot my own property back (Hi if you read this J).
So advice is don't trust people no matter who they are, get everything down in black and white with signatures and witnesses.

clearingout

hardpressed wrote: »

If you don't trust your intended spouse enough to share everything with them, then are you really ready to marry them?

spoken as someone with little to lose, perhaps?

My understanding is that UK courts are increasingly taking into account pre-nups, providing that both sides sought legal advice prior to signing and there was no....pressure to sign (in other words, a prenup wasn't pulled out at the alter with a signature demanded before going ahead). Also, if you are likely to have children or there is likely to be some kind of significant change to lifestyle as a result of marriage, the prenup is less likely to stand.

It is, I agree, very unromantic. However, having been through a divorce I know full well what people are capable of when you least expect it. I today own my own home and there is no way I would considering marrying again without protecting it as best I can for myself and my children. You have no idea what the future holds.

londonsurrey

There have been a couple of recent high profile cases of divorce, where after circa 20 years of marriage, raising children together, building up businesses together, etc, a divorce resulted in the wife getting 33%, and the husband pushing for her to get less.

TBH, I think cases like these actually make pre-nups more compelling. If one party's view is that they will throw themselves into the marriage, building up a life and family together, they probably do it for the forever, not "Oh, I do hope you'll pension me off with 10-33% when I'm used up and less attractive to you".

And if the other party's view is that their spouse is a lesser shareholder in the marital assets, it's only fair that it's all out in the open before they embark on marriage.

And for the romantics, what's more affirming than getting it down in black and white that they agree everything (assets and elderly querulous parents included) is going to be shared 50-50?

lika_86

My understanding is that the courts are more willing to take agreements into account if entered into after marriage.

74jax

Jinx wrote: »

I didnt have a pre-nup as such but when my partner and I bought our house we had a financial agreement drawn up by a solicitor (im in scotland). Now married and having been together nearly 8 years I consider all bets on that are off as does he but the process of talking through the situation was very helpful. We covered wills at the same time. He put in double the deposit I did and he earns twice what i do.

I can see both sides of the fence, you dont go into a marriage expecting it to fail. But on the other hand many of us have previous relationships or are divorced (hands up here) and may have children to consider.

Thanks for that, I'll have a look at Financial Agreements.

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I'm undecided about pre-nups...my head says no as I have no intention of marrying "down" - if I were to sign one it would be a concession that I was. Un-pc but true.

i wouldn't have thought it un-pc at all. I was after people in this exact scenario and what (if anything) they did to protect what they had, whether marrying up or down.

londonsurrey wrote: »

And for the romantics, what's more affirming than getting it down in black and white that they agree everything (assets and elderly querulous parents included) is going to be shared 50-50?

Our problem is things wouldn't be 50/50, and I was wondering the best way round it. Or even if it was worth it at all as courts wouldn't see it as binding.

Riversong

hardpressed wrote: »

If you don't trust your intended spouse enough to share everything with them, then are you really ready to marry them?

If you are secure and happy with your spouse. Then having a prenup really wouldnt matter either way. So whats the problem with having one? I think a spouse who opposes one or who argues against one, deep down is insecure with the partnership and doesn't want to be 'short changed' should they divorce.