Embarrassing someone into repaying a loan.

Asiacat

How far is going to far?

Greetings from Thailand

A few months ago a "friend" lost his job at a college in Pattaya Thailand and as a consequence had to return to the United States after fifteen years in Thailand as he didn't have the financial means to remain in this country.

Three weeks before he left Thailand he asked me to lend him B5000 (just over a hundred pounds) until the following Wednesday as he was potless but was expecting severance pay in three days time.

I transferred the money to him only to get a phone call from him on the Wednesday saying his severance pay wasn't going to be paid and I would have to wait for my money.

Well excuse followed excuse and he returned to the States without repaying me but with a promise to transfer the money in a couple of weeks.

After a few more hard luck stories he promised me in August to repay me in October. Fair enough I emailed him back.

Towards the end of September I sent him an email reminding him that payment was due. He replied saying IF he could repay me it would be at the end of October.

During October I sent him about a dozen short polite emails asking him what his current situation was and when would he be able to repay the money.

I didn't receive a single acknowledgement to any of these emails.

I then decided to post the request for payment of the wall of his facebook page which I know he visits every day.

Surprise, surprise within four hours of the post I received an email from him parts of which read::

I can not believe that you posted that on my face book wall for everyone to see. I have blocked you from face book now.

If you continue to attack me VIA the internet I will take what ever legal actions are afforded to me Thai or international law.
(I still have legal and business contacts in that country)

I did not know you were of this character.

I have not blocked you from my hotmail YET !

I have wasted my limited email time on this instead of seeking work but if upsetting me is in your best interest good job and good day!!!!


He talks of wasting his limited email time in this matter. He has the time to mess around on facebook but not to reply to my emails.

I have digital records (text messages and emails) of him asking for the money acknowledging receipt of it and various promises of repayment by certain dates none of which he has met.

If posting on his facebook wall upsets him then I feel it is the only option left to me to get my money back and I will continue to do so unless I am breaking any laws.

I am not a bank or a payday loan company just someone who agreed to help him out when he was at his lowest ebb.

One hundred pouornds is not an insignificant amount of money for most individuals.

Any ideas on how I can make him repay given that we are now living 9000 miles apart and are unlikely to meet face to face again?

JustinCredibleGillespie

I would just cut my loses, if it cost you £100 to see how much of a div your ''friend'' actually is, then it was worth it.

Fool me once, Shame on you
Fool me twice, Shame on me.

You wont fall for the same trick twice. See it as a lesson & move on.

JCG

xx

j.e.j.

oh dear

A good place to post this might be on the loans board. There's a sticky a the top of that board warning about lending to 'friends' like this and to family.

It sounds to me like he clearly has no intention of paying you back. You could perhaps warn other people that he has done this so that they know not to 'lend' him any money!

exarmydreamer

Take comfort in that you have indeed shown him for what he is to all his friends on facebook.

mulronie

Although THB5000 is around 100 bottles of Chang from 7/11, it could have been much worse. Lots of people have learnt this same lesson for much more than £100.

forgotmyname

I would contact friends on his list and ask them to pass messages on.

Add all his friends to your list and keep posting information, Saying he borrows money under false pretenses and not to be trusted.

He knows people, Dont we all. But as long as you dont post lies what can he do? You only asking for your money back.

Tell them if you had money you could go out and spend less time on facebook.

See if they get the hint without you making threats that you wont stop until they pay.

I would be making alternate names for facebook now also. Names he wont suspect of being you and will add them to his friends list.

geoffky

A cheap life lesson...move on..

bargainbetty

You could consider posting a copy of one of his emails promising to repay you up on FB - add a note about how you appreciate him threatening to block you for having the audacity to ask him to stick to the agreement you made. Tell him that you expect the money back as soon as possible, and that you will consider it the end of your friendship and no further communication will be necessary.

Publicly post that if he doesn't pay it back, it really will demonstrate to the world the value he places on friendship.

The chances are that you won't get it back, ever. Let him be publicly shamed, but ultimately, move on with your life.

Asiacat

JustinCredibleGillespie wrote: »

I would just cut my loses, if it cost you £100 to see how much of a div your ''friend'' actually is, then it was worth it.

Fool me once, Shame on you
Fool me twice, Shame on me.

You wont fall for the same trick twice. See it as a lesson & move on.

JCG

xx

The thing is in Thailand there is no safety net for people who for one reason or another have temporary or permanent cash flow problems.

For example the local second hand bookshop owner had to pay his once a year audit, visa, and work permit fees and asked me to advance him 70,000 baht (1,400 pounds) to be repaid at 500 baht a day. I lent him the money and fair play to him 4 months in he hasn't missed a single payment. The loan will be repaid totally before the end of this month.

Had I not lent him the money his eight year established business would have had to close.

In a place like Thailand expats need to help expats because the Thai government quite rightly does not give welfare payments to those who have settled there.

If your visa or work permit runs out and you get caught you can find yourself in prison until someone pays your airfare home.

sickasachip13

TBH I'd chalk it up to experience and let it go. It does you no good to be angry and frustrated, walk away from it with your head held high, knowing that you were the decent one who was willing to help.

Personally I think I would write a final email, privately, to the person explaining how disappointed you are, how you try to be a good person and help others out and that this experience has had a negative impact on you but that you're not going to lose any more sleep over it and that the guilt needs to rest with the borrower not the lender and you hope he sees his error in time.

SAAC

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

I'd send him one last civil e-mail in private.

Outline in no uncertain terms that he is not making ANY effort to pay you back. Point out that you are not letting it slide. He has no right to be 'shocked and upset' about the open truth, excuses, excuses. I'm sure you're more upset about the way he has treated your friendship!

Remind him that you helped him out when he was in a difficult situation and that should count for something, his honesty and decent communication will help sort the matter out.

He is obviously ashamed of what he has done. It would be worse if he didn't bat an eyelid when you posted it on Facebook.

Also suggest that when he starts to ignore you through private channels then only public ways are left. He put himself in that situation, I'm sure you'd prefer to discuss it privately too and not have run around chasing him for it.

Tell him he has broken the agreement to repay which is very disrespectful, therefore until he starts to repay you have no reason to respect the implied confidentiality of the arrangement. He needs to make repayment a priority.

I would summarise with an outline of the repayment plan you're expecting him to deliver on (a reasonable one) ideally a standing arrangement.

Keep it totally truthful and civilised and don't write anything that you wouldn't want to look back on.