Diary of Sorting out Life

Legacy_user

So hello I decided to bite the bullet today and start a diary - I posted on the forum a few weeks ago re: my situation, and I think keeping a regular diary will inspire me to keep going/feel like I'm not alone!

In brief summary again, I'm in Germany working as a TEFL teacher. I came here, ironically, because the money looked good - better than what I was earning here. I've been here since March, and usually had a good, steady income (with between 900-1200 euros spare after bills on average). Everything seemed great - and I must admit, I became a bit blase about my overdraft at home: not spending it, just ignoring it. Stupid, I know.

Then everything just seemed to happen at once - as they do, of course! There were a few difficulties in personal life (mum was in hospital, so far away - she's fine now, thankfully. My boyfriend also broke up with me - well, he declared his undying love for me, and then stopped contacting me ever again, rather than breaking up with me. This was really hard to deal with!) On top of this, in terms of money: in July, my overdraft interest rate changed drastically, and paying it back (and actually getting back on track with money) became more urgent. My overdraft is at about -£1600 at the moment, and I have a credit card of -£460. At the same time, work seemed to drastically plummet. The atmosphere at work is quite horrible at the moment (I think there is money troubles in the business, but nothing has officially been said).

My day of pay has now become more sporadic - any day between 4th and 11th of the month, and between July and September, my hours really went down - as did everyone's. I went from 36 teaching hours to about 13 a week!

With this in mind, the past two months or so have been a real struggle - I've never worried about eating and so on before. My parents are not in a position to give me money - they know about my debt, and are supportive of me trying to pay it off, but have no money to give me. Apart from they kindly gave me £50 this month to tide me over - however, my sister accidentally put it in the wrong account (my British overdraft - which I can't access here - instead of German account). I love my parents, but sometimes I think I'm a failure. Especially because they are so good and careful with money. And I've always been bad with money - I had a £2000 overdraft before at university, and managed to pay it off - with work and a stroke of tax rebate luck. And now, here I am again.

Work in October has thankfully been good - I will get about 1600 euros on November 4th (or 11th)! But I'm feeling a bit glum at the moment - like the past two months will NEVER end. I have been working working working, stressing stressing stressing. I have about ten euros to last me for the next week, or maybe even longer. I had only about 150 euros to live off for this month after bills, and had to ask for an 100 euro advance at work - which they weren't too happy about, due to the aforementioned money issues. So I had 250 euros this month to live off, which has gone on food, laundry, and paying off a few friends from last month (to tide me over). No extravagances. I guess I can lend some money from a friend, maybe 20 euros or so. We shall see.

So yes, things will look up come November payday. I've worked really really hard, and will have 1600 euros in December pay too, if all is okay and I get the hours I'm promised (have your fingers crossed haha!).

I'm coming home in December, paying off a chunk of debt with my December pay and flat deposit, and working in the UK from then, as the erratic hours seem to be a regular thing here, and I'm finding it difficult living here - sometimes a bit isolated. I have friends here, but no one I can properly relate to. I've also taken a second freelance writing job for now, an extra 80 euros a month or so. It's just the next ten days that will be a struggle I feel really really sad - proud I've gotten through the past two months of difficulty, but also sad. I'm trying to keep positive and be grateful for all I have, and know I'm in a better position than I've been in the past, but it feels hard to keep going sometimes. Especially when I live so far from most of my friends and family!

This is why I thought this diary would help me over this little hill. Thanks for reading my ramblings, and hope you all have a good day. Off to do some UK job hunting/writing now!

beanielou

Happy shiney new diary!
Keep plodding & keep posting!

System

Hello everyone!

Today has been a productive day actually - I Skyped my sis, and applied for eight jobs, mainly in the UK! I've been offered a job interview for a job in Spain, but it overlaps my current job/the pay isn't good enough to say yes. I need to really think about my next move and how it'll affect my money/friend/lifestyle situation - I have the luxury of some time, which is good. But, I feel happy that my CV is good enough to get an interview. Sure I'll get a job sorted before I know it! Also sent off my hours for my second job (freelance writing) - it's my first (admittedly teensy) pay cheque, but it feels good to be paid for my writing, for the first time ever! So lots of money saving/productivity.

In terms of work here, today is a Bank Holiday in Germany (not because of Halloween, which isn't so big here). Ate leftovers from last night (enchiladas, yum!) and my only spending was coffee and cake with a friend: my treat inbetween all the job hunting! It feels a bit strange being cooped in tonight, my first Halloween not dressed up or at a party! But, on the bright side, saving some money. I'm watching a scary movie - alone, eeeek!

Today went better than I thought

Happy saving, people!

Fudgefund

Hi TEFL

I really felt for you when I read your first post - it must be really hard to be feeling down and so far away from your family. I had a period a while back when I was really struggling to feed myself so I know how being hungry and worrying how you're going to stretch your money can make you feel ten times worse. The good news is that your debt is totally manageable, and if you're coming home in December you can definitely make it through this blip. I presume you know about eating cheaply so I won't bore you on that score, just try to keep your chin up. If you don't know, PM meand I'll give you my fail-safe recipe for bean chilli for under two pounds. I see you like Mexican food, this is a good thing.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to focus on the ex-bf as much as possible - we can all second guess men until we're blue in the face but they're a law onto themselves! I've had a bad year on that score too (are we twins? ) but I'm feeling better everyday about it.

Well done on your writing, that's seriously impressive.

System

Awww thank you - that's so nice to hear The recipe sounds good, I love a bit of Mexican haha! I've become a dab hand with eating cheaply - I love cooking, so it's actually been quite fun to experiment/find things on the cheap whilst here.

In terms of the bf....meh, you live and learn. He definitely wasn't my best decision in life, but I think he had some problems (ex-girlfriend issues) of his own too. We just have to keep positive, don't we - onwards and upwards! I'm glad you're feeling better, too.

Today started out vile, but turned out much better. Halloween was a bit glum alone - my first one alone! - so I woke up in a pretty blah mood. It didn't really help a) I had a difficult class and b) that one of my friends here - from the OC, v rich, v "Californian" LA girl - told me that she probably wouldn't have tried to be friends with me if she'd had other friends in Germany, as we are so different. I feel a bit...well, well a bit put out haha! It's not the most charming thing I've ever heard! But only a few more weeks to go.

After having a HUGE coffee and vowing to cheer the hell up, things got better. I'm really excited about going home - so many plans with friends and family. I can't wait to see them, and get my finances in order so I can save to travel again! I also had a few emails re: teaching jobs already, so things are looking up!

Moneywise: I got my payment through Paypal today for my writing, and my invoice for my October teaching - SO much higher than I thought, so I'm pretty ecstatic! Only a few more days until payday too.

So, hope you all have a good weekend! I'm off to cook dinner, read for a bit and have a cheeky glass of red from my "emergency bottle". I'm hoping tomorrow starts AND finishes out good, will be 50% improvement from today!

System

So, the weekend has been a bit up and down, but pretty productive!

I spent Friday night at my friend's (frugal) and Saturday doing lots of errands. I felt a bit glum yesterday, as it wasn't really a day I wanted to spend alone, but I didn't spend any money, which is good!

Today I met two friends for a catch up, and am currently making soup for dinner. I feel scarily productive today; planned all my lessons for the week, finished up my blog posts, and all the emails I needed to send! I'm never usually so productive on a Sunday!

I know this won't last, so I'm attempting to make the most of it and get the rest of my house errands done!

Hope everyone had a nice weekend

xx

System

So a week later - only just found time to update and think about things!

Having a bit of a panic day - I'm unemployed in officially ten working days (not inc. weekends) and back in the UK on 3rd December! I'm so excited to come home, but panic is also setting in. I've always, always found a job, but now the hint of doubt is sinking in: what if, what if, what if? When I leave, I'll have enough money to pay a good chunk of debt off and have some back up cash, but still the "what ifs" are creeping in. Speaking to my family via Skype didn't help; they were so grumpy, and rather unsympathetic actually, which is unusual!

I'm really irrationally stressed today! I think it's because I've been teaching a lot - ten hours today, ten hours tomorrow, and so on so on - ten hours of hearing the sound of my own voice! Gahhhh.

I know we all have these bad days - usually I can get out of the stressed funk and find things to be grateful for. I know tomorrow will be better. I just have to keep applying and applying for jobs, and hoping and hoping things will be OK!

On the bright side, spent a total of 1 measly euro today on coffee in work - it was MUCH NEEDED.

Hope everyone had a better day than me - here's to tomorrow!