Worried about my brother

jackie_w

Hi everyone,

Im really worried about my brother, hes in so much debt, and im afraid to say he hasnt had his lightbulb moment yet. Him and his wife have a beautiful home, but, its all through debt.

Everytime, he runs up debt, he takes out a loan to consolidate, then, runs up his cards again, and I think his wife is the same. They are both working, they keep their finances separate. I asked why he doesnt combine the finances, and try to pay more money to the debt, but, he says it works better for the both of them to just pay their share of the bills. I couldnt believe it when they said they didnt know how much each other earn.
They dont even tell each other if they get bonuses at work, incase the other pleads poverty and they need to give them some money.

Ive tried to talk to them, cos I am genually worried, but, they wont listen, they just say "did you come here to visit us, or give us a lecture".

Most weekends, I go shopping (food shopping) with my SIL, and the rubbish she puts in her trolley:eek: Ive tried to explain she would be better to meal plan, and make her own meals, but, her reply to that is "Ive not got time for all that rubbish". Ive tried to tell her its cheaper to make your own things, and its not that time consuming, but, it doesnt make any difference.

Ive told them both about this website, but, they are not interested one bit.
Whenever I try to speak to them, she just says, "oh well if anything happens and the house gets taken off us, we will just have to come and live with you" and I dont think shes kidding. My husband just cant be bothered with them, and think they are a pair of wasters and theres no way he would let them stay with us if they lost their home. he really doesnt like my SIL at all, they way she treats my brother is the way you would treat a bit of dirt on your shoe.

Is there anything I can do to make them see sense, or am I wasting my breath? They both work so hard, but, they waste their money, have absolutly no savings, and if anything was to go wrong, ie illness, they are up s**t street.


Jacky

Tashja

Hi Jacky

I am sorry to read about your worries - it is so hard when you worry about someone you love but cannot get any sense through to them !!

Unforunately I don't think there is anything you can do to help them - its the whole "you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink" thing. Until your brother and SIL have their lightbulb moments they will not be willing to help themselves :rolleyes:

The only thing you can do is be there for them when the truth finally hits them and hope it isn't too late to do something about it

I think your a wonderful sister for thinking of them like this and one day I hope they realise this ((hugs))

T xx

ifstar

Personally, I would stop and let them get on with it as you don't want to feel like they are a nag. What I would perhaps do is come birthday time, by them Martin's Debt Diet book and if they chose to read it then they will perhaps change.

Snaggles

I agree with the other posters unfortunately, there is little or nothing you can do until they realise the situation they are getting themselves into. Fortunately, this will most likely be before they lose the house, as eventually they will be refused credit.

All you can really do is console yourself with the fact that, if and when they do need your help, you will have shed-loads of good advice for them, and will know which direction to point them in (ie this one).

They are lucky to have someone like you watching out for them, but at the end of the day, they are adults, and have to learn from their own mistakes. Don't, whatever you do, agree to them coming to live with you though!!